The stone eater aka SigSig (SI) - webmaster

spare cuddle?

Ill exchange a for some fresh made

I am stuck on what to do for the best, i need help on this one so would value your advice. I have changed the names.

I met a 15 year old girl online - emma- ( she is now on msn) who is depressed and self harms. She and her sisters ( 9 and 6 years old) were sexually, physically and emotionally abused by thier dad.
I also have her mum on msn and her mum self harms too.

In jan emma told me that her uncle was raping her. The same day her mum told me that she was suddenly happy, she had a new bf: emma's uncle . I convinced emma to let me tell her mum what was going on. The mum called the police and the uncle is now in jail.
The night after the police were called the mum took an overdose and emma found her and called an ambulence. After a week she regained conciousness and refused more help and went home. She blamed emma and was horrid to her.

At this point i cracked, its too close to home, and was admitted to hopsital myself.

Emma got into drugs for a bit, but started to settle a little. A few weeks ago she started getting very suicidal again before finally admitting she was pregnant, with her uncles kid. I tried to get her to go and see a doc but she just refused and wanted to die everytime i brouht it up. She told her mum on wednesday and yesterday her mum blackmailed her into getting an abortion done in a back street ( i think its illegal in ireland and her mum couldnt afford to take her to the uk). Emma wanted to keep the baby, although it is doubtfuil she could have looked after it, she shoudl have at least had some councilling on her options. Im angry at her mum for abusing emmas trust and not doing better for her.

Now the mum has told her she is sending emma away on monday but she wont say where. I dont trust her to do what is right, i know she means well but she gets it wrong so often. Should i tell emma and warn her? Or just leave it. I have grown to love emma like a little sis and i want to do what is best for her. Im finding it very hard to cope with alone, i know i have to many of my own probs but i cant just walk away. Im in half a mind to get a ferry and go over there.

I cant leave it in the hands of professionals cos they dont do anything. ive tried.

Help please, im over my head.

I passed my driving test!!! despite stopping at a green light ( i didnt see the arrow ) and getting in the wrong lane so he had to change the route.


So who can i drive to first ??

Hi all,

Ild just like to remind everyone that today is both St Davids day and Self Injury Awareness day.

This is an important day for the many people that use cutting, burning, brusing or taking small overdoses in order to cope with everyday life.

It is something that people can find very hard to understand and the more people know about it the more we can do to stop the problem. The steriotypes surrounding the issue can do a lot of harm. Please take a few minutes today to learn something about it. Just a few minutes of your time could make all the difference to someone who self harms.

More information can be found on the website www.lifesigns.org.uk
Please download the LifeSIGNS Self Injury Awareness Booklet from the publications.

As a self harmer it would mean a lot to me.

Love and hugs,
Vicky xxx

Im coping slightly better with everyday things, least i have clean clothes for once! However everyone is assuming that im suddenly fine. Probably becose that all im managing to say to anyone. Saying im fine is so much easier for everyone, however its driving people away. Im no good to those who rely on me and im being a usless friend. I just taken the stand of shutting people out, for thier good and mine.

Im harming more than ever and being sick about 3 times a day, and to be honest im terrified. Ive got to the point where i do want to get better - apart from the occasional suicidal night - but i just dont know how. My room is so covered in blood and blades it is starting to look like a war zone. Im worried about what being sick all the time is doing to me but i cant stop cos at the time nothign is more important than getting rid of the evil calories that are making me so fat and ugly. Nothing anyone can say can make it better, though dan has tried, as if anyone says im not as fat as i think then that scares me more. I cant handle the thought that i cant see things right. Everything just seems impossible, its just too much to handle, expecially as i shoudl just be able to snap out of it and take control. I wish so much i knew how and was strong enough.

And all through this im having to try and deal with what i want to do about my past. Ive been asking friends about the process involved to take the guy that abused me to court. The thought of him out there scares me, though i doubt he will hurt anyone else. Yet he still has a grip on me, i still love him and blame myself mostly for what happened. Whats the point in my hurting him? Him hurting cant take away my pain and there is so much hurt in the world why shoudl i cause anymore. The whole idea of having to face it is too much too, going over the details of my past and being questioned like that is too much. Yet there is still a nagging doubt that he could hurt someone else and also why should i be afraid to go out alone.

Everything is getting on top of me again and im starting to break. I cant allow it to happen though, thats no way to live life. I promised myself that if it didnt get better this time then this was the last time im going to try. Im not ready to give up the fight yet.