Journal Entries
grr
Posted Jan 29, 2005
Perhaps I'm now the sort of person who will bound from one relationship to the next thinking each is the be all and end all. Or perhaps today is just a cynical day. I've not had a good week, all ill and unable to sleep and minor irritations like one's ex ringing and just going "hmm". Money doesn't seem like it will be as much of an issue as I first thought, but I am working so much. I wish I could have a better balance of these things, and I really really miss the internet.
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Latest reply: Jan 29, 2005
serious stuff
Posted Jan 24, 2005
What a year it has been so far. On January 10th the ex boyfriend came into my flat, discovered
condoms, and decided to trash my stuff. Computer in the bath, clothes, perfume, CDs, DVDs, posters and all manner of personal stuff taken. He also left notes with death threats for me and Ben. The clothes and perfume were sent to the binmen so were unrecoverable. I've had to buy myself a whole new wardrobe and it's amazing how cheaply I've managed to do that. The police got involved and I got the CDs and DVDs back. I also got £340 rent money which he had taken out of the flat. After borrowing £200 from my uncle, and getting a £100 overdraft, I will be more or less OK for money. Times are tight. But I don't feel miserable at all, because as a result my relationship with Ben has gone deeper than perhaps it otherwise would have done. A few days later he told me he loves me for the first time, and SP being now COMPLETELY out of my life can only be a help. Ben has been an amazing support and the time we spend together just gets better and better. He is definitely not a rebound thing. But I'm amazed that I got him at all. And I know he will need to get more experience with other women. I'm thinking long term and so is he but that lack of experience on his part will be a problem in future. It's the first flushes of new love causing me to think this but, dangerously, I know I would have a child with him as that would make him happy. He needs to be a father so that is the only way to be in his life for a very long time. But that's crazy talk- I am only his first, I don't think I can be his always. But I'm crazy about him.
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Latest reply: Jan 24, 2005
New year, new experience
Posted Jan 2, 2005
So, the first day of 2005 (yesterday) and what did I do? I said goodbye to my ex boyfriend (he finally moved out, and he doesn't seem too unhappy which is good), and then, let me reveal my true heartlessness on the anonymity of the internet... I had sex with Ben for the first time.Oh, it was good. But of course there was awkwardness. I hope it happens again and is much better. But I still feel all tingly just thinking about it. Oh yeah, and then Ben went home and SP-the-ex came round to pick up more of his stuff, all the while not knowing Ben had been there. I'm evil, yes I know. But I have wanted it for so long. Now I've had it, I guess I feel calmer about it all and can think about what exactly it is I want rather than just being his puppy (although he does have this hold on me... a charge pulsing right between my legs).
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Latest reply: Jan 2, 2005
New year, new experience
Posted Jan 2, 2005
So, the first day of 2004 (yesterday) and what did I do? I said goodbye to my ex boyfriend (he finally moved out, and he doesn't seem too unhappy which is good), and then, let me reveal my true heartlessness on the anonymity of the internet... I had sex with Ben for the first time.Oh, it was good. But of course there was awkwardness. I hope it happens again and is much better. But I still feel all tingly just thinking about it.
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Latest reply: Jan 2, 2005
Ben
Posted Dec 19, 2004
Did all that *really* happen last night or did I dream it? It was an amazing dream if so. Even thinking about it I feel as if I am going to pass out. Blimey, I hope all this goes well. I want it so much.
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Latest reply: Dec 19, 2004
elmsyrup
Researcher U210511
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