Journal Entries
i am so failing!
Posted May 15, 2000
my end of year exams are coming up and i am so worried! i have done no studying at all and i am probably going to fail! frankly i blame the town where the college is - its vary quiet and there isnt much to do except drink or study and who wants to do the latter?!?
i think i should go and read some books now!
send me your prayers and happy thoughts!
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Latest reply: May 15, 2000
the truth behind the myth!
Posted May 15, 2000
I have the real truth behind the legend of St. Patrick! Everything up to his kidnapping is true, but what your not told is how, when here, he developed a taste for our 'national beverage.' Well anyway, after about six or seven years of living in Ireland as a wandering drunk we finally got sick of the sight of him and threw him out. Now as you can imagine he was NOT a happy camper and vowing revenge he swore one day he would come back and wreak a terrible vengeance on the people of our fair isle…. (cue dramatic music!)
Another two (I think) years passed and Patrick, still bitter at his treatment from the Irish, had decided that he had better do something to get those stupid paddies back for kicking him out and making him give up the drink he loved so dearly. So he hatched a devious plan, “ah ha” he thought, “what better way to get my revenge than to bring the Christian god to their country, and I will then become their patron saint and outlaw drinking so that they can suffer as I have suffered!! And so, to put his plan into action, off he went and became a priest.
Another four years had passed and Patrick once again set foot on the shores of the Emerald Isle. He had changed a lot from when he left, gone was the ragged alcohol stained clothes, and as he stood on the docks he looked for all the world like a king. Without any delay he started his mission and around the country he went baptizing people left, right and centre.
At last, about nine years and three hundred pairs of boots on, he had almost completed his job. 90% of the country was now converted over to his way and he was as smug as you could get. At this time he was firmly placed as - or so he thought himself to be – Irelands saviour, and with this title on his head he became drunk (!) with power. He started by outlawing the sale of cattle, then the music came next – he made it against the law to play a musical instrument or to dance – regardless to say the Irish people were none too happy with this arrangement but they went along with it because they believed he was sent to save their souls. Unfortunately for him he had not noticed a small flaw in his plan. The one thing he had not factored in was the one thing that had made him so angry in the first place, the drink! He now passed a law making it illegal to drink alcohol or to brew any kinds of drink that could result in intoxication. This was what caused an uproar, the Irish not drinking?!? The people were flabbergasted! Soon he was being looked at with suspicion wherever he went and, not being a stupid man, soon realised that something was wrong. In every town he passed through he could hear the whispering of the people as he passed them. He knew he had gone too far with his last commandment and that the people were going to rise up against him. But, as I said, he was by no means a stupid man and he devised a clever plan to seal his laws and ideals upon the people. One day on his rambles he saw the perfect opportunity to put this into action. In the middle of a town a bull had gotten loose and was rampaging down the street towards a helpless young girl. Without a moments hesitation he pushed the girl to safety, sacrificing himself in the process. This last great, heroic effort erased any doubt from the minds of the people that he had anything other than their best interest at heart. There was a massive funeral and he was laid to rest, with mourning for many weeks after.
To this day he is revered in Ireland as a great man and in keeping with his plan he was made the patron saint of our island.
Unfortunately the last part of his plan failed. The Irish love of drink was more deeply rooted than he could ever hope to get at and within four years of his passing on the whole country was back on the booze again! This is where we get our modern day celebration of St. Patrick’s Day from, the total inability of the Irish to stay away from Guinness and Whiskey! And what better way to honour the man who tried to abolish drinking than for the whole country to go out and get completely rat-arsed on his feast day!
I have no idea if the time scale is right and I couldn’t be bothered looking it up.
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Latest reply: May 15, 2000
Sionnach (down boy!)
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