Prof Animal Chaos.C.E.O..err! C.E.Idiot of H2G2 Fools Guild (Official).... A recipient of S.F.L and S.S.J.A.D.D...plus...S.N.A.F.U.

Give a man a fish and he’ll play cricket all day.
Just goes to show, that if you don’t know the difference between a fish and a cricket bat you’re in trouble.
At the wedding table, the best man said that he once took his mate (the groom) fishing and passed him a fishing rod, at which the guy said where’s the bullets?
Now! If you’ve read and understood the first bit, then you’ll know that the groom didn’t know the difference between a fishing rod and rifle.
Teaching and intelligence are two completely different words, but they do have an “E” and an “I” in them (or more if you can count).
Now ask an egg to calculate PI to two decimal places and if it could look at you plus talk, it would probably say “why?”
The intellectual readers of this post will be now wonderinghas he accidentally omitted what sort of egg? IE: chicken, duck and assorted species, including human.
Or has he intentionally left this as an open source, for later debate.
But even the wise must see that an egg calculating PI can’t have a long issue of debate about the fact.
For the quick eyed, this is not based on fact, for as far as is known, no tests etc have been carried out on egg intelligence – and by the way! This is a fresh egg and to keep the suspense at max, I haven’t stated if it’s a shell protected egg IE: chicken, duck and assorted species.
If the fish was frozen I suppose you could play cricket with it, but bowling it would be hard, especially for a spin bowler.
And the egg wouldn’t be able to give any advice, depending if it knew anything about cricket or not.
Yes! I know! Is this the same egg as talked about a few moments ago, or is it a totally different egg?
This could be added to a debate if needed about the first egg.
I just wonder how much intelligence the groom has and does his wife know. Leaving another opening for discussion to is, she also as thick as him? And maybe discovering that an egg has more intelligence than either one of them?
I don’t think anyone will have sleepless nights pondering about that scenario.
Unless a person suffers from insomnia and you’ve nothing else better to do, after all the crosswords have been done in the book.
There’s a thoughtwas the groom the only thicko at the wedding reception, or could it include his wife and one or more guests? That might come up in a future post or not depending. So there’s no need to carry on with that line at this time.
ERR! Teaching and intelligence have no meaning with this post and if as peryou’ve read all way down, you’ll know that to be correct and you already knew that even before you read the first word – just in case “GIVE” is the first word at the top left of the post.
(NOT counting the subject line of course)

R:ght f:lks
Th:s thr::d :s :ll :b::t s:v:ng. W: h::r :b::t s:v:ng th: :v:r d:pl:t:ng f:sh st:cks :r::nd th: w:rld, w: h::r :b::t s:v:ng :n:rgy :s :n g:s :nd :l:ctr:c.
:t’s s:v: th:s, s:v: th:t :nd th: :th:r :nd :b::t r:cycl:ng :v:ryth:ng p:ss:bl:.

S: :'m j::n:ng th: cl:b!
B:t :'ll m:k: : k:ll:ng :nd pr:f:t :n my "s:v:ngs" :nd :'ll h:v: th: w:rld m:rk:t :n th:s c:mm:d:ty. :'ll b: th: s:l: :wn:r :nd n: sh:r:h:ld:rs, :s :t'll n:t b: :n th: st:ck :xch:ng:.

T: :xpl::n, :'m g::ng t: s:v: VOWELS - :h y:s! S::nds d:ft d:n't :t, b:t th:nk :f th: s:v:ng :n p:p:r :s:g:, th: s:v:ng :n typ:ng :nd th: l:ss:n:ng :ffl:ct::n :f h:nd :nd wr:st :nj:r::s c::s:d by typ:ng th:t :s C:rp:l T:nn:l Syndr:m:, th:r:f:r: s:v:ng :n h::lth :ns:r:nc: :nd th: N:t::n:l H::lth S:rv:c: :nd t:m: :ff w:rk.
S: s:nd m: y::r VOWELS :nd h:lp m: m:k: tr:: :q::l:ty f:r :ll (:xc:pt th: r:ch)

: w:ll th:n c:ntr:l th: :nt:r: VOWEL m:v:m:nt :f th: w:rld! (A play on words there)

: w:ll b:c:m: th: Ch::f :x:c:t:v: :ff:c:r :f th: W:rld B:nk :f VOWELS.
:nd th:r:f:r: w:ll s:t th: c:sts :f :s:ng VOWELS :nd:r s:p:rv:s::n.
Th:r:f:r: br:ng:ng j:bs :nd tr::n:ng f:r th: :n:mpl:y:d, :ncl:d:ng :r:: VOWEL :nsp:ct:rs, w:th p:w:rs t: c:nf:sc:t: :nr:g:st:r:d VOWELS. R:s:lt:ng :n t:x:s f:r th: g:v:rnm:nts, p:tting m:n:y :nt: th: :c:n:my v:: w:ges :n t: th: p:ck:ts :f th: w:rk:ng cl:ss.
:nd s::ing th:t th: r:ch :lw:ys scr:w :s :p, th:y’ll h:v: v:ry r:str:ct:d VOWEL m:v:m:nt :d-:nf:n:t:m.
(Same play on words there)

I've told you a MILLION times, don't exaggerate

I went to bed with TWO good books - kinky!

going to bed with a good book is useless, they don't kiss back properly

I soiled my bed, now I can eat oes and other salad crops without getting up

I burnt my house downshort term sauna's are NOT a good idea

there was a knock at my door - I'm google-ing it to see where the country is he came from

my phone rang (a mates name came up on the screen) "it's me! I'm just phoning to see if your in" I answered YEP! and put the phone down

How many times have you heard someone say "he/she spoke to me from beyond the grave".
Said in real life and on TV sit-coms inc' films etc.

BUT! odd on a mo' just how far away from the grave were you when they spoke ? 6ft ? 10 yards? bottom of the street ? 3 miles ? were they buried at sea ? or even cremated ? and if you were cremated, you wouldn't technically have a grave. so how can you speak to "me" from one unless you've nicked someone else's or done a squat in one.
Do these spirits have a piece of string and two tin cans, do they have mobile/cell phones ? as they could be 6ft under in a foreign country.
Making it a bit hard to be heard depending on where you are in the world when they spoke to you eh!
Plus! as speech needs air pressure to send sound waves etc, how can a spirit without lungs take a deep breath ? and say "can you hear me"!
Maybe with added "this is a recording"

Do you reply yes! but I was told NOT to talk to strangers!
Does the spirit say "you know who I am" ?
OK! give me a clue, as your voice seems very distant and I can't recognise it.
IT'S (persons name) - tha' knows who it is! it's me ok
Ah! NOW I recognise you, but wait a minute! tha' never talked to me much when tha' was alive, so how come now ? I don't owe you money do ah ?
You're not going to start spamming in my head are you? now you know where it is.

This is NOT to be associated with folk who say the voices in my head told me to do this, that or the other.
As no one has ever had a grave in their head (at least not recorded), so beyond the grave isn't inside the cranium ok

before the voice goes, do you ask it if it knows the winning numbers for the next national lottery draw!
Spirits from beyond is one thing, but money is anotherso any advantage, take it


no ethereal voices were hurt during the writing of this thread

-.-- --- ..- / -.. --- -. - / .... .- ...- . / - --- / -... . / -- .- -.. / - --- / .--. --- ... - / .... . .-. . / -... ..- - / .. ..-. / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / .. - / .... . .-.. .--. ...

.- -. -.. / -. --- .-- / - .... . / ... .. -.. . / -... . - / .. ... / .... --- .-- / -- .- -. -.-- / .--. --- ... - ... / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / .-. . .--. .-.. -.-- / - --- / - .... .. ... / .--. --- ... - / .. -. / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. .

.- -. -.. / -.-- --- ..- / - .... .. -. -.- / .. -- / -.. .- ..-. - / -... ..- - / -.-- --- ..- .-. . / - .... . / --- -. . ... / .-. . .--. .-.. -.-- .. -. --. / - --- / .. - / --. .-. . .- - / -... . .. -. --. / -.-. ..- .-. .. --- ..- ... / .- .. -. - / .. - / .- -. -.. / .. - / .- .. -. - / .- / -. --- - .. -.-. . / - .... .-. . .- -.. / --- .-. / .-. . .-.. .- - . -.. / - --- / - .... . / .. - / - .... .-. . .- -..