A Conversation for Peer Review

A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 1

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

Entry: UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers - A87880693
Author: Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor - U1314679

I grew up with Mario, Super MArio World was one of the games I frequently played with my friends in elementary school. Today I own almost every MArio game of the main series and I still love them.

When I read the Entry we have about SUper MArio here on hootoo ( A3346995 ) I knew it needed an Update. I find it too long, too confusing and even almost impossible to read. I put quite some work into this update and changed the original Entry quite a bit.

One necessary step to make this readable in any way was to split it up into several Entries. In fact I now have a whole of 4 Entries at hand, but only the first 2 are finished so far ( A87880729 ) and I think it works even without the others being published.


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 2

Bluebottle

Good updates - these look very good to me, well donesmiley - wow

I am very curious as to whether you plan to complete the other two entries in the series? If so, with four entries you have potentially got a University Project going and you can choose to proceed down the Project route.

I know you've used the Project process before when you did the Austrian project, so you know that if you get a subeditor volunteer (Pick me! Pick me!smiley - ok) who would work closely with you, we can get the entries polished first and then submitted through Peer Review together.

It would also be an opportunity to perhaps include your excellent entry: A87854809 Mario Kart - the Video Game Series in the project as well, as it is a related entry too.

What do you think?

<BB<


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 3

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

I would like to finish all of them, yes, but I have no idea when I'll have them done. One is half finished, maybe a bit more, the other is still a stub and will need quite a bit of work before it is finished. If you want to work with me on them and do the subbing that would be great, but I'd really like to get on with the two which are in PR already and not wait to finished all 4 at the same time because it would very much delay these two.


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 4

Bluebottle

Fair enough smiley - smiley

A couple of points I've spotted so far:
Can I recommend that the first time you mention Princess Toadstool that you include her full name?

Is Wario worth mentioning as a recurring character?

<BB<


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 5

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

Will do that about the princess.

Wario actually only appears in the spin-offs. The Six Golden Coins for instance is not seen as part of the main series, so I only mention him in one of the yet unfinished Entries.


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 6

Bluebottle

As this you are doing an update, but updating one entry in a way that effectively splits it in two, I wonder whether it would be better if you have one of your two new entries as an Update and we treat the other entry as a new entry in its own right?
The update process, when completed, overwrites the original entry with the new version. We can't overwrite one entry into two entries.
So to keep things simple, how about we keep this entry as the Update, and your other entry as a normal entry that credits both you and Syxtfour that should go through Peer Review as normal?

Are there parts of Syxtfour's original entry that aren't in either this entry or the other one?

<BB<


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 7

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

Makes sense, I'll do that. I wasn't sure about how to handle it myself.

Yes, there are also parts of Syxtfour's Entry in both of my unfinished ones. He mixed everything together but it was incomplete, so I had no chance than to split things up and put in the incolmplete stuff.


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 8

SashaQ - happysad - Editor

Well updated - this Entry contains excellent details, and I learned a lot even though I'm fairly familiar with the Super Mario Bros universe smiley - ok

As I read through, I've spotted a few tweaks that I think are needed:

smiley - orib I see the phrase "Mario began his career with the arcade game Donkey Kong" is from the original Entry, but I think "Mario began his career in..." would read better.

smiley - mod I think Footnote 2 is not needed, as there are now more than just Gameboy games available, and you cover those in the other Entry smiley - ok

smiley - orib "Many people with older sibling" - should this be "an older sibling", or "older siblings"?

smiley - orib Footnote 3 - should that be "around the time of the release of Mario Bros..." ?

smiley - orib "Until this date " - "To date"

smiley - orib Footnote 4 isn't quite in the right place.

smiley - orib "spiney" - spiny

smiley - orib "parntal figure " - parental?

smiley - orib "In some games also appears Kammy Koopa, a female Magikoopa dressed like a witch and riding a broom." - this needs tweaking to something like:
"In some games Kammy Koopa, a female Magikoopa dressed like a witch riding a broom, also appears." or
"In some games Kammy Koopa also appears - she is a female Magikoopa dressed like a witch and riding a broom."

smiley - orib "they retreat to their shells" - into

smiley - orib "animate Koopa skelletons" - "animated Koopa skeletons"

smiley - mod "They have ordinary green petals and a stem " - petals, or leaves?

smiley - orib "Most of thems " - them

smiley - mod "'?' mark blocks" - perhaps say "blocks with a question mark '?' on them"

smiley - orib "?-box" - "'?' block"

smiley - orib "1-Up Mushrooms are green and add an extra life to Mario and Luigi, meaning that if they fail in compleating a level they can try again from a checkpoint. They were the first extra live items in video gaming ever."

"1-Up Mushrooms are green and give an extra life to Mario and Luigi, meaning that if they fail in completing a level they can try again from a checkpoint. They were the first extra life items in video gaming ever."

smiley - orib "rainbow colors." - colours

smiley - orib "transform them to different animals with differnt abilities." - into different animals with different abilities

smiley - ok


A87880693 - UPDATE: The Super Mario Brothers

Post 9

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

smiley - cheers Thanks a lot! Made the changes. smiley - smiley


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