A Conversation for Operation Black Buck
Peer Review: A87864619 - Operation Black Buck
SashaQ - happysad Started conversation Dec 11, 2015
Entry: Operation Black Buck - A87864619
Author: SashaQ - happysad - U9936370
I've had a go at updating this from the Flea Market - see what you think...
Entry: Operation Black Buck - A87815893
Author: the_jon_m - bluesman of the parish - U204330
A87864619 - Operation Black Buck
Recumbentman Posted Dec 11, 2015
'Argentinian' is not the best usage. The word does get a citation in OED, saying it means 'Argentine' (an Argentine person), or 'belonging to Argentina'.
The preferred adjective is Argentine.
A87864619 - Operation Black Buck
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Dec 11, 2015
My dictionary gives either as acceptable and I much prefer Argentinian myself.
A87864619 - Operation Black Buck
SashaQ - happysad Posted Dec 12, 2015
Thanks Recumbentman - I see there was a mixture of Argentinian and Argentinean used in the Entry, but I changed them to Argentine
I also added detail about the casualties and medals that were mentioned in the previous Peer Review thread.
A87864619 - Operation Black Buck
Vip Posted Feb 1, 2016
I never knew the complexity that went into bombing the Falklands. I'd heard of the death tolls, but not that story.
I feel like I should be able to find some comments to make but I think you managed to tell a story about war without either glorifying it or castigating it.
A87864619 - Operation Black Buck
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Feb 2, 2016
This is good, Sasha. I'm not interested in war in general, but you made this interesting enough to keep my attention until the end.
There are a few places where you repeat yourself by telling what's going to happen, then tell us what happened. This is like the TV programs that tell you what's going to happen after the break, then after the break, they tell you what's about to happen, then it happens. I haven't time now, but if you can't find them with a thorough read through, I'll read it again later.
A87864619 - Operation Black Buck
minorvogonpoet Posted Feb 2, 2016
This is very good. I'm not generally interested in military matters but this kept me reading.
I did get a bit confused in the paragraph which said 'It had been decided that the Vulcan couldn't attack from low level' and then 'Visibility was limited as they were having to come in at low level' Maybe you need to rephrase a bit.
A87864619 - Operation Black Buck
SashaQ - happysad Posted Feb 5, 2016
Thanks everyone
Not my topic of choice either, but the_jon_m had made a good start with it.
I've adjusted the RAF Get Ready section to reduce the repetition, and also tweaked the low level flying paragraph.
A87864619 - Operation Black Buck
Gnomon - time to move on Posted Feb 12, 2016
This looks pretty good now.
You still say "Then the crews had to practise not only refuelling but also low-level precision bombing." and then later tell us that low-level bombing was not possible. I think you could just leave out "low-level" from this first sentence.
It looked like the RAF would be out of this fight --> It looked as if the RAF would be out of this fight
Most of the equipment for refuelling in the surviving aircraft had thus been removed. -->
Most of the equipment for air-to-air refuelling had thus been removed from the surviving aircraft.
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Bluebottle Posted Mar 11, 2016
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Gnomon - time to move on Posted Mar 11, 2016
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SashaQ - happysad Posted Mar 11, 2016
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bobstafford Posted Mar 11, 2016
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Peer Review: A87864619 - Operation Black Buck
- 1: SashaQ - happysad (Dec 11, 2015)
- 2: Recumbentman (Dec 11, 2015)
- 3: Gnomon - time to move on (Dec 11, 2015)
- 4: SashaQ - happysad (Dec 12, 2015)
- 5: Vip (Feb 1, 2016)
- 6: Gnomon - time to move on (Feb 2, 2016)
- 7: minorvogonpoet (Feb 2, 2016)
- 8: SashaQ - happysad (Feb 5, 2016)
- 9: minorvogonpoet (Feb 6, 2016)
- 10: Gnomon - time to move on (Feb 12, 2016)
- 11: SashaQ - happysad (Feb 12, 2016)
- 12: h2g2 auto-messages (Mar 11, 2016)
- 13: Bluebottle (Mar 11, 2016)
- 14: Gnomon - time to move on (Mar 11, 2016)
- 15: SashaQ - happysad (Mar 11, 2016)
- 16: bobstafford (Mar 11, 2016)
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