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paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Jun 7, 2015
I hope we're not heading for a Moby Dick joke.
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The Liquid Warrior (Vescere bracis meis) Posted Jun 8, 2015
A chap said to his mate that he'd spent an hour defrosting the fridge last night. The wife calls it foreplay.
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paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Jun 10, 2015
My son the scientist invented something that has me scratching my head. He found that putting wheels on a taco made it move forward.
He then designed tacos large enough to carry people.
I've heard of fast food, but this is ridiculous.
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Is mise Duncan Posted Jun 13, 2015
Q: Sepp Blatter and Jack Warner are in a car - who is driving?
A: The FBI.
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Pink Paisley Posted Jun 20, 2015
A duck is staying in a posh hotel. He goes out for the evening and after hanging round a couple of bars and clubs, he pulls. He invites the lucky lady back to his hotel for a nightcap.
He eventually slips into some more 'comfortable' plumage when he realises that he isn't 'properly equipped'. What to do? He calls room service.
'Ahem', he says, 'er, um, er, could you have the staff bring me up a, er, um, condom please?'
'Certainly sir,' says the receptionist, 'would sir like me to put it on his bill?'
The duck says 'What do you think I am? Some kind of pervert?'
PP.
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paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Jun 21, 2015
"Why the big bump on your forehead?"
"I lost in court today. Chickens sued me for putting horns on them, frogs for making them walk on stilts, and a camel for back injuries..."
"The punishment?"
"Then they threw the book at me."
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Is mise Duncan Posted Jul 15, 2015
Someone told me a joke about affine transformation,
but it loses something in the translation.
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Recumbentman Posted Jul 15, 2015
Why did the selfie stick?
Because it was self-sticky.
OK they can't all be gems.
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The Liquid Warrior (Vescere bracis meis) Posted Jul 28, 2015
I'm told that FIFA is going into tennis. Their forehands are crap, but their backhanders are brilliant
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Is mise Duncan Posted Jul 28, 2015
Q: How do you think the unthinkable?
A: With an itheberg.
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paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Jul 28, 2015
The trouble with political jokes is that so many of them get elected.
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paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Aug 1, 2015
Moses: God, I have such a headache!
God: Take two tablets and call me in the morning.
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Is mise Duncan Posted Aug 2, 2015
Rationing vasectomies to save the NHS budget won't make a vas deferens.
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paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Aug 3, 2015
Wartime shortages were solved by a rational process.
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Reality Manipulator Posted Aug 3, 2015
Q: What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? A: My zip.
Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Robin replies, " I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks Batman. Robin ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Batman?"
Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks: " Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
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paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Aug 3, 2015
[I've heard that same joke told by Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson...]
When the blonde was a little girl, her mother had to step out for a while. "I've left a pie on the front steps to cool.be careful how you step in it," she told the blonde.
The blonde stepped in it very carefully.
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Yelbakk Posted Aug 3, 2015
What do you call a saxophone player who has two saxophones? He is bisaxual.
What does the unemployed jazz guitar player say to the employed jazz guitar player? "Two burgers and a coke, please..."
What do you call a jazz trumpet player whose girlfriend dumped him? Homeless.
I could go on...
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paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant Posted Aug 4, 2015
"I left my best material at home," said the homeless comic.
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- 16741: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Jun 7, 2015)
- 16742: The Liquid Warrior (Vescere bracis meis) (Jun 8, 2015)
- 16743: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Jun 10, 2015)
- 16744: Is mise Duncan (Jun 13, 2015)
- 16745: Yelbakk (Jun 20, 2015)
- 16746: Pink Paisley (Jun 20, 2015)
- 16747: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Jun 21, 2015)
- 16748: Is mise Duncan (Jul 15, 2015)
- 16749: Recumbentman (Jul 15, 2015)
- 16750: The Liquid Warrior (Vescere bracis meis) (Jul 28, 2015)
- 16751: Is mise Duncan (Jul 28, 2015)
- 16752: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Jul 28, 2015)
- 16753: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Aug 1, 2015)
- 16754: Is mise Duncan (Aug 2, 2015)
- 16755: Icy North (Aug 2, 2015)
- 16756: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Aug 3, 2015)
- 16757: Reality Manipulator (Aug 3, 2015)
- 16758: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Aug 3, 2015)
- 16759: Yelbakk (Aug 3, 2015)
- 16760: paulh, vaccinated against the Omigod Variant (Aug 4, 2015)
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