h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...Ahem...
The Speak-Your-Weight-Machine here...
I have been alerted to the existence of this thread by Pinniped. I need hardly add that he characteristically demeaned himself with some unfunny suggestions that its theme is somehow apposite to my personage.
However, now that I'm here, I notice that there are Researchers present who may still be unaware of my vital role in the smooth running of h2g2.
You are surely in for a treat, you lucky people, for I am the Anti-Muse, also known as the Muse of People Who Like to Go to Bed Early and Associated Accounting Professionals. I have made it my business to douse any and all outbreaks of random creativity that befall this place - after all, those worthy chaps at the Edited Guide can hardly be expected to finish the job on their own.
For those of you who know and love me already, I would appreciate a little more purposeful engagement viz-a-viz our campaign to improve safety standards throughout h2g2. Debate about the need for an evacuation procedure has dried up somewhat of late. If anyone is able to substantiate the rumour that one of the italics has somehow regained access to sharp instruments, then please come forward at once. You are also all reminded of the existence of a rota for checking the condition of rivets throughout the Brunel skin, and that it is your patriotic duty to volunteer for it.
Since I now have your undivided attention, I would like to take this opportunity to make an announcement concerning the unsolicited re-titling of some of my Guide Entries by a certain (quite disgusting) seal. My piece on 'Changing Attitudes to Entrepreneurial Risk-Taking in North-West Indiana, as Evidenced by Regional Dressing-Gown Sales' has inadvertently been re-named "Kokomo - Behind Bedroom Doors". An unfinished piece on 'The Dynamics of Market Evolution : A Case Study of Novelty Ironing-Board Cover Penetration in Post-Communist Albania' is unfortunately now called "Slip One On and Smile - Balkan Housewives Lap Up Western Decadence". I am relieved to say that it is unnecessary to reveal the briefly-altered title of my 'Review of European Postage Stamp-Moistening Techniques', since the Moderators have kindly advised me that a fully-sanitised version of the piece is to be restored to a suitably-quarantined area of the Flea Market some time before the end of 2007.
Finally, I would like to remind everyone of the research that underpins the first-mentioned of these pieces. Please do complete the questionnaire on Sleeve Insertion Parity (links may be found in any of my last forty postings on this subject). At the moment, our sample-size is statistically inadequate, which constitutes a serious problem, since dressing-gowns are of vital importance to a number of major economies and are therefore fundamental to the future security and well-being of the planet.
Need I say more?
Well, of course I need to, but I really mustn't take the edge off your appetite.
So stay insatiable till next time, you lovely people.
Yours etc,
The SYWM

I am wearing grey socks.

it's snowing.

No, it's not...

it's still snowing

it's snowing even more now

I'm wearing a grey shirt and am very cold I may put on a grey jumper in a vain attempt at warmth...

perhaps thermal underwear would be appropriate(that must be banal)

Body stockings.

On you or I, Saturnine?... either way they seem quite interesting...

Maybe we could share one?

Aha! The traditional survival technique of sharing body-warmth... friction also produces heat perhaps some rubbing too...

*Waits to be hunted down a kicked*

Poor Pinniped- he/she/it went to such extreme lengths to be boring and banal, and nobody even boticed or commented.. expect you were all too bored to bother.... ah well, Pinniped,i appreciate your contribution... just keep the hell away from me at parties, right?

boticed= noticed

Algorithms...

Quantum Physics...

*rubs Stealth*

Chickin and rice, with onion, garlic, mushroom, green pepper, cumin, fresh ginger, coconut milk, and other stuff.
it is nearly cooked.

Baked Potato.

Cheese Sandwich...

*Rubs Saturnine in return*

to 2legs for tea