h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

maybe I did.... maybe I didn't.... <biggrin. but.

William and I nearly decided to 'elope' this week, and get married. kinda.... in secret... just... because.... It seemed like..... a good idea... as in.... a really silly.... bad idea.... and.... kinda not th the thing people tend to do... in the ... midst of chemo, whilst nearing the end of it...
luckly.... or sadly... a few people pointed out a few..... problems it may have caused... such as potentially upsetting family, and friends, and.... people, who might... legitimatly think they'd well... kinda be invited and.... then.... it ... was rather brought to my attention... that someone... was.... sort of very much at least, expecting to be there.... to... well, I know it doesn't really 'work that way' for gay marrage, but, to ... well... 'give me away' and.... as ... they put it... 'prepare me' for the wedding... the day..... night before... and.... so.... such a good idea.... wasted, it seems

but.

it'd.... have been kinda funny.... - I was even thinking of just randomly changing my name too.... mainly to confuse the nurses at my next chemo... but... actually... that might... have not been such a great idea.... in some respects

Receptionist at Oncology "and so Mark, can you confirm your date of birth"?....

" actually, Andria, I'm not called Mark anymore.... *produces marriage certificate".


*slightly perplexed.... but smurking look from the gorgeous Andreia behind reception desk
"So, Sabrina ....... can you confirm your date of birth?"
hmmm... still not sure about Sabrina.... its an OK name for me as cat... but... hmm....

"So, Madonna ..... can...."

still. so tempted.... just... for ..... all the wrong reasons. ... really.

I don't think I can do sensible anymore I've forgotten how


Today. was.... supprising.

thought.... so thought.... I was getting the culmnitive affect of chemo; its building up... and building up toxicity, at last trying to have a decent attempt at.... 'hitting' me.

pah. its so. not. trying

feel better than I have the week before chemo - maybe the infection/not infection whatever that was.... was something... and now that has gone... - it was just the long long long day yesterday, I guess which zonked me out. had energy all day today hmm... not done much with it, mind, since W left, but the walk in town etc, earlier, was good this moring Might not be overly late to bed, tonight, either....


Still getting 'hit' with major sweats coing on/hot flushes.... from bleo I think.... hope.... if its an infeciton, again, i've not any way of knowing... which... is... v bad....

OK.

now its trying.

Its trying to do that nausea thing. just at the time I wanna go beddies.
I'm having words with my tummy right now. and. bit by bit. its listening to sense.
*thinks*
*visualises*
its passing. just.... a bit....
*has more words with tummy*
Its getting scared now.
*visualises*
going. nearly.
Look. tunny. I don't care. stop it. now. or. Or. I'm warning you.

winning. huzzah. think I'll try bed.

Cool old Guy with a bucket
"I did not like the colour of that last post,
it was all red.
Here are some loobrushes

(You know the worst thing is I have to hit the index to find the appropriate smileys)

(Changing from red into green)"

you've forgotten the smileys! oh no!

green! no green please!; my complexion has changed to an intersting green hugh apparently, since my last chemo ; well, pale and green.... with the occasional bright red, when I'm having an amusing hot flush

took a little while... last night. but I eventually.... beat the drugs... and the nausea.... and made it go away with a mixture of pure anger and agression at its general 'direction', then some more and tantric breathing, and focused re-allignmnent of the sensations into colours and ultimately plesent feelings wtihin my body and it passed enough that I ultimately got a decent nights sleep all without having to resort to that actual 'being sick' nonsense; which I am absolutely refusing to do natch

Today bought with it.... interesting new 'things' plus more nausea feelings, and pain, all processed away nicely, with a mixture of the day's medication, cups of coffee, jasmine tea, and hard boiled eggs, toast , butter, chicken mayo sandwichs, porkpies

There is something truely.... odd.... about sitting there; on my sofa; feeling quite* so like I'm about too.... have to dash to the bathroom to empty my stomach; and symultainiously, chopping down, ona gorgeous chicken sandwich.... knowing.... as I eat it, I make the nausea go away!; it... just seems... incongruous but..... touch wood, works so far

got peed off with the sight of all the lodgers rubbish in kitchen. so did his washing up. bleached throughout and so at least had a clean, non-fatal to my immunocompromised state kitchen to work in today must try sweep, and mop in there later too... if I've the energy...

feeling a bit knackered now.... all the painand nausea processing/visualisation is a bit tiring I guess, after all... plus the cleaning in kitchen just about did for me

luckily, the nausea seems stopped again now, without needing to focus on/process it away just regular 'normal' all over aching and pain, but... i can't really notice that most of teh time... as ... its ... just background and I'm somwhat used to it, by this stage in the fun and games

all the chemo... and hence side-affects, are, afterall, "just for fun", since I got the 'all clear' PET err.... four/five weeks ago the remaining two cycles/four infusions are just... for fun (my consultant nearly wet herself when I told her this is how I view it) <snork< Oh... OK... I kinda agree with the more offical stance that its also* to ensure every last drop of Mr Hodgkin's has truely left the building.... but... that's far too sane an approch to take IMO

its bank holiday weekend! I forgot that:

and, that explains why they were so busy in clinic, and in the day-chemo ward.... Thursday and Friday I guess was trying to get all Monday's regular appointments through early

which, explains why, as W told me; they were pushing the dacarbazine into me at like twice the normal rate (its the only one that comes in a long drip; the other two are just 'pushed' into my port via needle/bolus on an hyperdemic)

so... it wnent in twice as fast....... fast.... and... I felt it going in; which is unusual.... and... I'm feeling the after-affects.... a wee bit more than useual

well. good job I'm always up for new experiences <biggrin, being utterly insane and in cohorts with the badgers, chinchillas, nighthoover and derick the goat, helps too. no doubt. as does being masochistic and .... odd.

I can't tell you how angry I get when I read about your lodger's total lack of consideration

I would mention next time you're at the chemo ward that increasing the speed of your drip accentuates the side effects and ask them nicely to pretty please not do it again

Deb

I could... do that... but... your forgetting.
I am utterly insane. - I've been asking them to speed it up and up... all the way though seriously! ; ayes.... yes... and I knew full well what the consequences eventually would be
though... even I am satisfied we've reached.... near..... as much toxin.... red death in fact as its called as my body can handle.... at that speed : they were so so busy in the day unit, and were running so* late ; I was six hours late getting in!; I was getting so ill, just waiting; lack of hydrocortisone, lack of food. and just sheer bordum and sore ass from hard plastic chair so.... I may have been partially responsible for their speeding it up even more : can't quite recall, but think its one of the drugs that is co-delivered with saline; so they can also alter its speed, and concentration, by altering the speed of the two bags; increasing the saline delivered with it etc.

Also... don't forget; at first I was having like three litres of saline a time, with my chemo; as they've realised.... just what they're dealing with by having 2legs as a cancer patient; they've dropped to about 100 ML of saline flush at teh start, another small bag, mixway between teh two bolus injections, and the red death drip, and then just a drop of saline at the end to clear my line, and the port, before they inject the heprin to close my port down - its all fun now on don't forget.... and... pah... I can take it one way or another - yeh... gona sk them to slow it a bit, for the final two;

Afterall.

I've got to be fit enough, in two infusions time; the final infusion; I'm taking a hip flask of run in with me to drink for a final farewell.... seriously.... no... trust me... its such* a good idea I think

just played guitar again for a while fingers def working better... if a bit weak for endurance with muscles etc gona make some phonecalls now, then I think I've an appointment.

not sure with 'what' yet...

Either... with a sex bomb, or space girl. seriously.... Lush bath time! then dinner... or dinner first... hmm... best figure drug timings out for tonight so I know when to eat and get stuff alligned proper

I was hungry

And.... thought I'd challenge the nausea
a large, M&S wild salmon quiche cooked, sliced, and the last of the leftover pasta, reheated, with some jharlsberg cheese grated on top....

and... I must* have been hungry scoffed the lot in like ten minutes or less which... wasn't exactly planned.... hmmm..... so tasty... but,..... really probably oughta not eaten it quite so fast cuppa green tea, snus, then its bathtime!