h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's so freaking cold I could scream
Enough to freeze Antarctic breem
The overnight low
Will be fourteen below
And the tap water's flowing like cream

It's so freaking cold I could scream
Enough to freeze Antarctic bream
The overnight low
Will be fourteen below
And the tap water's flowing like cream

That's better.

Apparently the wise captain planned
To capsize his ship on the sand
Off of the Isle of Wight,
Creating a tourist sight
That can be admired by us on dry land.

<BB<

Of cold spells it's wise to be wary
Whenever you're in January.
For tropical isles
With palm trees and smiles
You must take ride on a ferry*.



*A rather long ride, in fact .

Just back from Carribean Isles
Rested, relaxed and all smiles
All of this wind, cold and snow
Will pass on, I know
And respite is just twelve hundred miles

Another big blizzard is coming.
The snow plows quite soon will be humming
The warm winds of May
Seem quite far away.
For now, it's just shovels and plumbing.

You've got to keep snow on the run.
Looks nice when it's fresh, but no fun
When it's slushy or packed.
Here's an interesting fact:
In Ireland, springs starts on Feb one.

Yesterday's warmth caused some dripping,
As melting roof snow came a tripping.
It wasn't too fast
As thaws rarely last,
But to my ears it was quite gripping.

Another warm summer's gone fleeting
As autumn's cool breezes come greeting
When the last dying leaf
Lands silent, our grief
Awaits Mother Nature's first sleeting

The Summer, I fear, will not last.
My squashes and pumpkins grew fast.
We'll harvest them all,
The leaves then will fall,
Then on to Thanksgiving repast.

Imagine it always was sunny,
A summer of milk and honey
No wind and no rain
No, never again...
I would not want that for all my money.

Yeah!
Bleah!
Heat and humidity always unchanging
Monotony morbidly deranging
Sbeah!

They say mules are smarter than horses.
They're reliable in the armed forces.
They rarely are feral,
For most are quite sterile.
I've learned this from various sources.

The Pasta King's men are in jails.
The reason? They used rats' entrails
To meet last week's quota.
There's not an iota
Of doubt that this helped improve sales.

Unhappy to sit on this poor fence,
I looked for political portents.
Would Donald or Hillary
bring back the pillory?
In short, does a sick nag have horse sense?

My veggies are all full of lead.
I'd eat them but soon I'd be dead.
I'll slice up some Spam
And eat it with jam,
And see if it goes to my head.

I tried raising fireflies in vain.
Why bother? Well, let me explain:
I feel I've the right
To affordable light.
Electric bills now seem insane.

The Vatican's feminists met.
They said, "We've made no progress yet.
To the Virgin we prayed,
But she said 'I'm afraid
That what you see is what you get.'"

I clicked on that silly old link.
The elves that I saw made me think.
I then came back here
And forgot them, I fear,
And now all I want is a drink

I'm keeping this limerick thread going.
It's more fun than raking and hoeing.
You see, my excuse is
My creative juices
Keep flowing and flowing and flowing.