h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Louis XIII Of France rough - A87842361
Author: bobstafford - U3151547

Please comment

First decide on what order you want the headers. Make sure they tell a consistent story. Then move paragraphs around until tgey match the headers. At the moment you've got the paragraph about the monastery twice. The one about the birth of Louis XIV is in the wrong place.

All sorted thanks for the comments

I find this Entry interesting, as I enjoyed the cartoon Dogtanian, and this is good to learn the actual history behind it.

There is a heading Later Life with no paragraph underneath it - is there some text missing?

Still working on that section SashaQ working on this again soon.

Pleased you enjoyed the entry so far.

There is normally an even better story behind every good historical novel if you look for it

And if you believe Blackadder gypsies an well

I shall post a heads up to you when done.

Finished now

Thanks Bob

Any comments

I noticed you say who Cardinal Richelieu is, but not until after the first mention, so I think a bit more reordering is needed. Also we aren't really told who Buckingham is, so that section was a bit confusing.

The paragraph just above the header George Villiers is a duplicate so could be deleted.

Your first paragraph consists of one long sentence that perhaps seems a bit repetitive and possibly unsure whether it is focussing on Louis or Henri. A lot of its content is repeated in the following sentence. Maybe you could consider writing one sentence purely on Louis, adding some of the detail in the next paragraph, and then try to lead into the section dedicated to Henri, his father?

It reads a bit like a list, so if this was your intention you could actually have it as a list a bit like this:

<BB<

If someone were to write a CV of the life of Louis XIII, King of France, his reign could simply be summarised as:
Born: 27 September, 1601 at Fontainebleau.
Mother: Marie de Medici
Father: Henri IV
Occupation: Absolute Monarch
House: Bourbon
Religion: Catholic
Became King: Following assassination of his father on 14 May, 1610
Regency: Mother ruled until his majority in 1614
Key Influence: Cardinal Richelieu
Wife: Anne of Austria
Children: Two
Louis XIV
Phillippe I, Duc de Orl&eacute;ans
Death: 14 May, 1643

There is however a lot more to Louis than that. Between them Louis and Richelieu, who controlled the government, were to rebuild France and forge a powerful European state. Yet to understand the young King Louis it is vital to first understand his father, King Henri IV.

Well I do think it has merit as a quick reference Thanks

Good idea how does it look to you BB

I'll see what other people think.
(I meant to put d'Orl&eacute;ns, not de Orleans, sorry!)

<BB<

It might be worth briefly explaining what Henri IV's claim to the throne is, and who his father is?

<BB<

Thanks will do

I still think that the first sentence is a bit confusing, and should be broken up.
'King Louis XIII of France was a Catholic monarch, who came to the throne at the age of nine when his father, Henri IV was the first monarch from the House of Bourbon Henri 13 December 1553 – 14 May 1610, assassinated in Paris on 14 May 1610.'
If you read it, you could come to the conclusion that Louis came to the throne at the age of nine when his father Henri IV was still the first monarch from the House of Bourbon Henri, and Louis was assassinated in Paris in 1610.

I'd try to keep short, simple sentences to start off with. Maybe something like:

'King Louis XIII of France was a Catholic monarch, who came to the throne at the age of nine. His father, Henri IV was the first monarch from the House of Bourbon, was assassinated in Paris on 14 May 1610.'

Have a read through the rest as there are several repetitions, such as 'And as a leader of the Protestant cause became He became the King of Navarre' and 'leader of the of the Huguenot'. So have a read through – if you've not read it for a while you should get the benefit of a fresh pair of eyes.

<BB<

Thanks for the reminder BB is that a little more readable

It's a while since I looked at this. You've made great improvements to it. It is very readable.

You say that Louis married Anne of Austria but later you say he married a Spanish princess. Did he marry twice, or was Anne of Austria Spanish? If so, why was she called "of Austria"?

The sub-editor will have to do a lot of tidying, but I don't think it is necessary for me to point out all the places their attention is needed.

One that might slip past the sub is:

Duc de Orléans --> Duc d'Orléans

Good work, bob!