h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Brings in work box, containing book glue, bristol board, japanese paper, buckram, piles of spare paper, brushes, weights, book-press, needles and thread, rubber bands etc.*

I'm willing to help reorganise the stacks and mend or rebind anything.

*looks around for a suitable large, well-lit desk*

Do you need any help? I have a pretty steady hand for inking Dewey numbers on spines.

I don't have any hands at all, but I can happily fly books into position on the higher shelves.

Thanks to all of you. I'm afraid I have let other things distract me from the library. There is a lot of work to do as a result. I am always happy to have professional assistance.

However, I have learned from bitter experience that too many cooks spoil the broth, so to speak. So, I think we now have as many workers as we need and have work space to accomodate.

*sets about rearranging the study carrels and armchairs and checking the bulbs in the reading lamps*

The most important thing is to make things comfortable for our readers and browsers.

Ah, that would be me. Dedicated reader, forager and browser.

Odd smell of bleach in here... and where did Caveman Jack go?

[Pulls the latest issue of Scientific Neanderthal from the periodical shelves, and settles down for a good read.]

[B4 trudges in, waving a book in his right hand. The cover features a Viking ship in outer space. If his hand is not quicker than your eye, you'll notice some lines about Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and an odd name at the bottom. He transfers the book to his left hand, flips it open, and starts thumping the frontispiece.]

Have you seen this one? I mean really! Ooh, the nerve of this guy! Gads, I can't even pronounce his name correctly. "EE-oyn Gol-fer?" That can't be right. Who does he think he is, anyway?

[B4 looks up from under his bangs and gives everyone in the room his "What!?" expression.]

Okay, look, this should have been mine. I had a great alternate ending to the 5-part trilogy, and I had even mapped out the opportunity for adventures with Arthur, Trillian, and Random, as well as Ford and Tricia McMillan. I "was going to write" an addition to the story, because I miss these characters getting into all sorts of new scrapes together. But--oh, no--do I bother to actually make the time to sit down and write anything a publisher would want? Pah! It is to laugh! Which I better do, or else I'm going to keep up this tirade. Ugh. It just gripes me that I let the opportunity pass me by. Now look who's published and breathing new life into these literary icons! EE-oh-in Gold-farb? Urrr… Well, it's certainly not ~me~, now is it.

[He tosses the book onto Hypatia's roll-top desk and grimaces.]

Tell you what: if you want this copy, it's yours, gratis. I don't know if I can stand to look at it.

[He sits and sulks for a few minutes. Then he reaches out and picks up the book again.]

Um… {quietly} Look, if it's not too much trouble, could I check this out? I ought to at least see what my competition has done with the mythos. It's only right I should give the guy the benefit of the doubt…

[B4 rummages through the library paraphernalia and comes up with a checkout pocket, some mucilage, a Dewey stamp, and a clear cover and some tape. He makes quick work of it, like he used to do in his High School days, and prepares the volume for the reading public. Once done, he pulls the card, stamps the date using the electric machine, and leaves his library card number on the receipt copy.]

I'll be back with this after a bit. I'll let you know what I think of it after I've read it through.

[He clutches the thin volume under his left arm and heads out the door. Before it swings shut, he emits a final "hmph", then disappears down the hall.]

B4ilamenttheotherstoriesicouldhavetoldbuthavenotyetsent2print

Hm, it's probably overdue by now...

*comes wandering in, dazed*

Oh... wait... this isn't a guest room... ah, no matter... *starts unloading multi-packets of paper tissues etc*

*looks around for a good place to set up an altar*

*briefly enjoys the sensation of being able to breath in and out of both nostrils thanks to the nosespray-from-hell*

*falls into a trance, breathing in through her left nostril, out the right, in the right, out the left, in the left, out the right, in the right, out the left, in the left, out the right, in the right, out the left...*

*abandons rituals*

Hermann Hesse, Hermann Hesse - now, where would his books be?

Depends. We have Dewey intersecting with LoC, here, and Bliss on the third axis. I can navigate Dewey better. Take this rope so you don't get lost - the other end is tied to the desk. Go down *there* until you reach the 830s. If you reach the 840s, you've gone the wrong way. If you reach the XVY shelf, you somehow got to the right place via the wrong route, which does happen a lot. Mind the Dust Bunnies and Kickstool Crabs. Harmless, but scuttley.

Oooh, that posting was just sheer beauty from a library (daren't call myself a librarian) point of view, Ag

*grabs the rope and starts walking tentatively down the isle that Ag pointed out to her*

*hastily replaces 'isle' with 'aisle'*

Germanic, here we go...

831, German Poetry - no, not exactly poetry I think, more like fiction, isn't it?

832, German Drama... *continues walking*

*checks the head librarian's desk to make sure the drawers containting chocolate-covered Macadamian nuts are still locked*

*heads for the East European section, with a feeling of anticipation*

Blast it, I could really use a scholar like, say, MR around here... *loks around, forlorn*

Oh, I heartily agree!

*almost jumps out of her skin at the sudden appearance of Witty*

Be calm, my heart...

Are we close to the rift to your 24/7?

Either that, or fate just drew me here.