h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Certain internet behaviour kind of reminds me of the hobo I ran across in Cologne back in the 80s. He used to ride the trolley occasionally. This particular hobo was very colourful - he wore a hat with a garland of plastic roses. Otherwise, he was like Red Skelton's Freddy the Freeloader, only with a Koelsch accent.

One day, the guy climbed onto the trolley, turned to the other passengers, and announced solemnly:

'I suppose you're all wondering why I called you here today...'

Getting rid of the 'bo was not easy, even though he hadn't paid the fare. You see, in Germany - at least, back then - riding on public transport was on the honour system. You bought a ticket, or you 'rode black'. Riding black was gambling: if a random inspector showed up, and you had no ticket, the fine was 20 marks. I thought this was an elegant system.

Again, it sort of reminds me of the internet - you know, ugc sites like ours, where we get lazy bums - sorry, less involved users - riding along...unfortunately, we don't have any ticket inspectors...

Nah, that's not fair. After all, this site has tens of thousands of uninvolved readers. We cast our bread upon the waters here...come one, come all.

But just generally, on all websites with fora and chat threads like the 'Atlantic Monthly' one I read yesterday, where the nuts kept derailing a serious historical discussion...don't you get tired of the trolls with the plastic roses on their hats?

I suggest a smiley type with an audio component. The animated smiley should should display Miss Sweety Poo from the Ig Nobel Prizegiving ceremonies, an eight-year-old girl with pigtails. She should be declaiming loudly:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qKXDF5Bywkk

If it shuts scientists up, theoretically, it should work on internet bores.

I've been wanting a teeny tiny violin for quite some time now.

That posted with a would do the trick for me.

Cool idea! I like the teeny-tiny violin.

What song could it play? 'You're So Vain'?

Ooh, that's a good one!

Well said, Mister D, my friend. Well said, and says it all. Splendid posting.

It's a shame there's no 'like' smiley :D

Sorry, that was supposed to be


Too much FB and Skype

I'm happy since the smiley appeared the only thing is:- how do you do "modesty" with it ? (unless an halo above it)

Speaking of trolls and other vermin, I found something really, really interesting by a writer named Lindy West. She's an admirable woman - and I think her dad must have been a cool dude, too. You might enjoy reading what she has to say about this business:

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/feb/02/what-happened-confronted-cruellest-troll-lindy-west

Wow!

I heard about how female writers are being attacked vehemently by trolls online many moons ago (but I am still in shock over it and in a way I will probably remain in that state forever)

But the second half of that article restored at least a tiny fraction of my faith in humanity, so thanks for that, Dmitri!

That's how I felt too, Pierce.