h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's time to repent and believe. The clock is ticking and there isn't all that much time left, so please don't delay.

http://www.biblegateway.com/quicksearch/?quicksearch=watchman+blood

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john%203&version=31

It's time to stop spamming.

WG: you need some professional help.

But the hoover is mightier than the sword.... someone oughta tell esekial

Doesn't he know that it's only polite to phone ahead and make a booking? It's really bad manners to just turn up & expect everyone to be ready for you.

Sheesh - these Messiahs eh? It's all "me, me, me"

Does anyone know where I can buy knuckledusters?

Mmmh... KZWG, have you read The Shooting Star (from the Tintin series)? You remind me of this guy:

http://tinyurl.com/5yarvb

Now, seriously, I thought that religion was supposed to bring you comfort, not fright and insecurity

"I thought that religion was supposed to bring you comfort, not fright and insecurity"

Am I the only one with an image in my head of Jesus sneaking up behind someone in a sinister fashion?

"For you yourselves know perfectly well that the day of the Lord comes like a thief in the night"

so you may be right!

He's already been, some time during last night a quantity of two finger kitkats went missing from teh fridge, clearly this must have been Jesus..... bleeding typical he could have come a day or two before and saved my work before the PC crashed

I hope Jesus doesn't actually come, he'll only get taken away to teh looney farm when he gets confussed for one of the many nutcases that appears every few years claming to be her.

He can keep his hands out of my change jar when he sneaks in then!

Although... Could Jesus steal my M&Ms? Wouldn't they just trickle through his hands?

Typical. 2000 years, he doesn't write, he doesn't phone, hoy vey.

if he does arrive, I'd rather like him to pop up in Times Square or something in a top hat with a cane in tails and spats doing a little tap routine.

"tappity-tappity, tappity-tappity, tappity-tappity-TAP TAP TAP"

with a flip of the cane, caught with effortless style and ending with jazz hands...

He should then disappear in a puff of scarlet smoke, only to appear in another major site and do the same. Repeating this all over the world over and over again until the governments stop assuming it's a terrorist attack...

He should then announce that he's going away again until everyone stops rubbing in the whole crucifixion thing on the grounds that it was not the most comfortable moment of his previous life and would we mind kindly not bringing back such painful bloody memories...

if he does arrive, can we have him interviewed by Eddie Izzard please?

>>It's time to repent<<

Repent what exactly? Who are you to say that all the users here have something *to* repent? Isn't that the big G's job?

Y'know, one of the things I find most offensive about religious folk is their innate assumption that they're better than others - quite literally holier than thou.

I've spent this whole week working with underpriviledged kids, helping them improve their lot in life. I'm shattered, so I'm certainly not doing it for the good of my health. The rest of my spare time has been helping my best mate come to terms with something that's really been ing him up. What, KZWG, have you done that gives you the right to tell any of us to repent?

If your god has a problem with that then I'll take it up if he ever deigns to show himself.