h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why does Scrooge love reindeer?
Because every buck is deer to him.

Good ones! I don't know how you think of them so fast!

Whenever I sit down, my cat goers to lap land.

I don't know if there are sharks in Finland, but surely there are fins in Sharkland.

a fast food place has just opened up here, a nuclear fission chip shop

I went to visit a friend who was a nuclear physicist, but he was out. "Gone fission" was the sign on his door.

I ate some plutonium and got atomic ache.

I used a nuclear fuel rod and caught a Russian submarine

Ukraine hardly blame it for that.

Thanks Paul, you're puns are great too.

In a Scandinavian race the last Lapp crossed the Finnish line.

Two geologists were staring at a huge fissure in a cliff face and one was overheard to say 'It's not my fault'.

What was the Ichthyologist doing at the local archives? Looking for micro fiche.

Two nuclear technicians got married. She was radiant and he was glowing.

I always believed my body was a prison for me. I was right, in biology I learnt they were made of cells.

That sounds interesting. I should bone up on it.

A scientist was studying tissues in the Serengeti. H was especially interested in the gnucleus of one of the cells.

my foot digits fell asleepthey were comatoes

A doctor who fell on his funny bone had a nurse tell him it was a humerus incident.

Break a bone today and you'll hurt to marrow.

Eating oysters can help you increase your mussel tone.