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The main things anyone needs to know about curry are: 1) It's tasty, 2) it's spicy, 3) if you eat too much, it results in radical changes to your bowel movements. Now, at first thought, this could seem to be a good effect (if you were considering using it as a remedy for irregular happenings of the above).

This, however, is not what actually happens. The extent of the effect that curry has on you is only possible to be fully understood when you have your first one. It is, of course, too late by this point.

Curry comes in many different styles - from massala to vindaloo (vindaloo being the stlye causing the aforementioned bowel movements). The different styles become gradually more spicy, with the latter varieties requiring a great deal of liquid refreshment (generally in the form of lager). If large amounts of lager are not ingested, then this can result in the victim, ermm consumer, waving their arms legs and other appendages around in a vain attempt to signal their companions that they require vast quantities of the life-preserving lager. This is normally accompanied by shouts of "Arrggghhh!!! Help me! Help me! Please somebody... [gasp, gasp]"

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