Now there is this easy to follow program to help you become the car magnet you've always wanted to be!
STEP 1: Organise a night out with a friend (make sure to wear you favourite trousers)
STEP 2: Find a very busy amin road near your school
STEP 3: Get your friend to say the words "You cross first, then if anything is going to knock us over, it'll knock you over first!"
STEP 4: Run across said busy road
STEP 5: Get hit by a red car and fly 3 metres along the road (make sure your friend does not witness this)
STEP 6: Your friend will now tell you to get up and stop messing around; try to obey this instruction, dislodging your ankle bone in the process.
STEP 7: Have an argument with the ambulance men about how good Ricki Lake is
STEP 8: Be allergic to anaesthetic
STEP 9: Have your favourite trousers cut off
STEP 10: Make sure a trainee does your X-rays, therefore pulling your, obviously, broken leg around in ways it shouldn't be.
STEP 11: Have bits of your shin bone removed and metal used to replace it with
(NB: You should be awake when this happens for added scream factor)
STEP 12: Spend a couple of months on crutches and in a wheelchair
STEP 13: Get knocked down a further 11 times in the next 5 years!
Congratulations! You are now a car magnet!