h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Pavement - the Band - A87827458
Author: SashaQ - towel - U9936370

This is a Flea Market Rescue

Original Entry: Pavement - The Band - A449471
Original Author: Worthless - U153864

That was a speedy Rescue!

It isn't a band I'm familiar with, but to start the ball rolling I'll just mention this sentence which seems to be missing something.

'played what was widely believed to be their final gig, in the .'

<BB<

Thanks BB!

I fixed the typo in the link, so the rest of the sentence now shows up

This could do with a few headers to break it up.

I'm also severely tempted to put in [Citation Needed] at certain points.

Thanks Gnomon

Headers added, and I've toned down some of the enthusiasm at certain points

The original author was definitely a fan, but I'm not particularly familiar with the band myself either.

Any other comments in relation to this?

A few minor points, otherwise this is perfect.

named for a shooting in a Stockton school
-->
named after a shooting in a Stockton school
(British English)

The following months saw the release of a new EP, Watery Domestic, a compilation of their early EPs and other tracks entitled Westing By Musket And Sextant, and the departure of Gary Young.

-- "the departure of Gary Young" is so distant from the verb which covers it "saw" that we lose the sense of this sentence. It's as if you tacked "and the departure of Gary Young" onto a totally unrelated sentence.

Can you reword to avoid the repetition of 'Father to a Sister of Thought', please.

the prophecies of a split seemed as if they were about to become true
-- this is a rather roundabout way of saying that the prophecies came true. You say in the next sentence that they split up.

Thanks Gnomon

I made some tweaks, so hopefully that's better.

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!

Well done SashaQ! Seeing this entry get out of the Flea Market and make it through Peer Review has made sorting through the Sin Bin worthwhile.

<BB<

Thanks <BB< I enjoyed seeing it progress, as it was so near yet so far before!

Thanks Gnomon