A Conversation for Triple Jump

Peer Review: A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 1

Nosebagbadger {Ace}

Entry: Triple Jump - A87783871
Author: Nosebagbadger {Ace} - U14077177

The final entry of my Olympic field event project!

I need it to be linked to the long jump entry, preferably internally, as well as at the top - but I can't do that until the long jump entry is picked/goes through with this one

I am also submitting my introduction/project page

Cheers with any help!


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 2

h5ringer

Hi nbb smiley - cheerup Glad we've now got the full set of Field Event sports smiley - ok

The 5th bullet point of the 'Method' section - the one beginning <> - causes me a few problems. Having read it several times I understand what you are trying say, but the phrases 'horizontal vertical velocity (going forward and up)' and 'vertical horizontal velocity (up and forward as in the long jump)' will imo confuse the average non-sporting reader.

I admit, a better alternative hasn't sprung to mind, but could you give some thought to rewording that part of the bullet point.

In the 'Famous Triple Jumpers' section, there are a couple of places where there are things missing:

<
<>


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 3

h5ringer

Oh yes, the last bullet point in the 'Rules' section, about the prohibition on somersaults.

Rather than could I suggest that something along the lines of removes the personal pronoun without resorting to 'this researcher'. smiley - winkeye


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 4

Nosebagbadger {Ace}

Amused that that is the crucial problem that jumps out, but I'll have a look at it


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 5

Bluebottle

You deserve an Olympic Medal after getting through all the field events!

I'm a bit confused by the first footnote, which seems to repeat you have already said:
The triple jump - frequently known as the "hop, skip and jump"1 Or even the hop, skip and jump.
Shouldn't less steps be fewer steps?
again the the exact format – duplicate 'the's in the Tailteann Games section, as well as an extra 'though'. I'd perhaps split it into two sentences.

And yes, the Jonathan Edwards section needs a little tidying as h5ringer's mentioned.

But other than those minor points, an excellent addition!smiley - smiley

<BB<


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 6

Nosebagbadger {Ace}

I'll have a look at this after lunch smiley - biggrin

And after my comment to H5ringer I feel I should admit I didn't actually notice his first post (I'm sure my page said only 1 post, but still) and I specifically picked up on the somersault smiley - facepalm


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 7

Nosebagbadger {Ace}

Ok, have taken a look at the given problems, and I think I've (almost) all of them

The 5th bullet point of the 'Method' section - I've taken an attempt at clarifying it, but would appreciate you having another look at it to see if it's any clearer

<
<

I'd thought I'd fixed both of these errors (flaw in the GuideML) in the checks i did before PR, but obviously I failed/forgot to save update - both now fixed

e last bullet point in the 'Rules' section, about the prohibition on somersaults.
- Have taken an alteration - not quite the one suggested, but could definitely use a look at

The triple jump - frequently known as the "hop, skip and jump"1 Or even the hop, skip and jump.
- Yep, one of them was supposed to say step, not skip

Shouldn't less steps be fewer steps?
- Just because I correct other people's grammar doesn't mean mine has to be right? Does it? smiley - winkeye

again the the exact format – duplicate 'the's in the Tailteann Games section, as well as an extra 'though'. I'd perhaps split it into two sentences.

I've looked over it three times, but I can't find the duplicate "the's" unless, you think there are unncessary ones that are separated - which I admit I wasn't looking for - could you point them out with the words that follow them?

The "though"s and the flow of the sentence has been fixed

Cheers all

Now to shift the title of my entry to something flamboyantly risque to encourage more people to comment on it smiley - winkeye


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 8

Bluebottle

'The Tailteann Games, ancient Irish funeral games, are also said to have included a form of the triple jump, though again *the the* exact format is unknown.'

<BB<


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 9

h5ringer

<>
This is a big improvement, but could still be better. How about something like: <>

smiley - ok


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 10

Nosebagbadger {Ace}

Both done, though I've been radical and used a semi-colon in the sentence smiley - run


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 11

Happy Nerd

What a complicated maneuver.


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 12

Dmitri Gheorgheni

Semicolons or this jump? smiley - winkeye

smiley - applause for doing all these Olympic events.

I am impressed with the second-person technique, here. But I'm still not going to try it. smiley - whistle


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 13

Nosebagbadger {Ace}

The 2nd person technique or the triple jump? smiley - winkeye (Don't try to combine the two, I found it really slowed down my writing speed)


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 14

Dmitri Gheorgheni

smiley - laugh I meant the jump. The style was good.


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 15

Nosebagbadger {Ace}



Any final comments for the project, boys and girls? smiley - smiley


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 16

Bluebottle

'Self-bump' - is that a new triple-jump technique?

I'm happy with this entry, no more comments to make.

<BB<


A87783871 - Triple Jump

Post 17

Nosebagbadger {Ace}

Self-bump is what you do to get yourself out of the sand if your legs have gone on strike after the first three - it's like an energetic caterpillar


...or so I have heard smiley - winkeye


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Post 18

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Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!

Post 19

Dmitri Gheorgheni

smiley - applause


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Recommended for the Edited Guide!

Post 20

lil ~ ACE/Scout/CE/Guru


smiley - boing

Well done! smiley - applausesmiley - bubbly


lil x


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