A Conversation for Catherine - The Video Game

Peer Review: A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 1

Magwitch - My name is Mags and I am funky.

Entry: Catherine - The Video Game - A87756835
Author: Magwitch - Cloud, Aeris - back to the planet - U780990

This is my contribution to the Create challenge.

Gaming's a hobby, tight? smiley - winkeye


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 2

Z

Ooh first entry into Peer Review! smiley - biggrin

Thank you


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 3

aka Bel - A87832164

Shame I'm so bad at jump&run games. This game sounds quite interesting (although I'm not fond of everything happening in the dark - my eyes are too poor for a lot of that).


Removed

Post 4

reginald

This post has been removed.


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 5

Lanzababy - Guide Editor

Welcome to Peer Review Mags!


So this is what you've been writing - well done smiley - biggrin


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 6

Magwitch - My name is Mags and I am funky.

Sorry, folks, the yikesed post was me - I used the wrong account

This is what I meant to say.

'Even though I have speeling mishtake in the first smiley - facepalm

It should be 'right' not 'tight' smiley - sigh

It's really good fun, Bel Rapunzel (the side game)is very challengeing.

There may even be another one or two heading this way, Z. I play a*lot* of games.'


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 7

aka Bel - A87832164

I like quizzes (and spotting items). I'm too slow for 'action'. smiley - biggrin


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 8

Bluebottle

A good article! I've not played this game and must admit I would like a little clarification at the start, where I wasn't entirely sure. Where you write 'The first victim is Paul, an old class mate of Vincent. One morning he wakes up in bed in his apartment' do you mean Paul or Vincent?

Other than this, well done. Computer games definitely count as a hobby.

<BB<


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 9

Gnomon - time to move on

Just to make the opening paragraph slightly less confusing, can you clarify:

One morning he wakes up in bed in his apartment -- is this Vincent waking up? If so, could you say:

One morning, Vincent wakes up in bed in his apartment

"and other patrons of the bar will decide" -- since this is the first mention of the bar, you could say:

"and other patrons of the bar he frequents will decide

"The bar where Vincent and his friends meet to drink, eat pizza, and talk to the other patrons and staff. "

-- this starts off looking like a sentence and then isn't one. The reader does a double-take and reads it again to see what he missed. I think you could reword it to be a sentence:

"This is the bar where Vincent and his friends meet to drink, eat pizza, and talk to the other patrons and staff."

"is always sat at the bar" -- this colloquialism might throw some non-English readers. I think it would be better as:

"is always siting at the bar"

"Vincent believes he is having an affair with Katherine " -- I'm confused. You said earlier he is engaged to Katherine, and that he woke up in bed with Catherine. Surely it is Catherine he is having the affair with?

The GuideML is a bit peculiar in this. Nothing that a good sub-editor can't fix, but I'm wondering, did you write it in Pliny?

I think you should use subheaders for the location names, and bolded text for the characters. That would structure it a bit better.

"There is also a very fat sheep who sells one use only block." -- there's something wrong with this. I presume you mean a "one-use-only block". Does he only sell one of them, or does he sell a number of them?

There is also a very fat sheep who sells one-use-only blocks.
There is also a very fat sheep who is selling a one-use-only block.

"He is then taken to nest floor." -- I presume you mean "He is then taken to the next floor."

Thanks for writing this!

smiley - oksmiley - booksmiley - galaxy


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 10

Gnomon - time to move on

... and of course that should have read:

"is always sitting at the bar"

rather than siting.smiley - blush


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 11

Lanzababy - Guide Editor

smiley - simpost

I was going to point out a few typos etc - but will wait until Mags has responded to Gnomon's review before I post mine, as they may confuse. (I have saved them for later)

Yes, Mags has used Pliny to write this - and in which case I am really delighted to see how it turns out.

Being able to focus on the actual text rather than GuideML for new contributors is going to be encouraging, I believe, for new writers.

Let's see how this turns out. smiley - ok


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 12

Magwitch - My name is Mags and I am funky.

Good points all, Gnomon, I'll get on with these later smiley - cheers

(quite frankly, I got a bit confused with the Katherine/Catherine thing I thought I's sorted it, but obviously not smiley - silly

and yes I did write it in Pliny, so I'll have look at subheader thing, but my GuideML is really crepe, lets see what happens with that eh smiley - winkeye

I have typos, Lanza? I'm shocked! My speeling is generally perfect. smiley - silly


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 13

Magwitch - My name is Mags and I am funky.

Gnomon, I've dealt with the typos and clarifications, I'd appreciate it if you'd have a look and make sure I *did* do everything. I can't really change the subheader, bold malarky though.


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 14

Gnomon - time to move on

If you're doing it in Pliny, then use the Format button to set headers to Heading 1 and subheaders to Heading 2. The sub-editor will have to reformat all the GuideML to our standard, and they can change the h1 and h2 headers to headers and subheaders.


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 15

Lanzababy - Guide Editor

Hi Mags smiley - biggrin

You did ask me for these... smiley - run

smiley - biroVincent’s apartment.

A shabby tiny place, that even the folks in Silent Hill would pass up. Only Vincent, Catherine and Katherine come here and many of cut scenes occur in here.

- I don't know the reference to 'Silent Hill' so if it's something I should know about, could you put a bit of information in brackets for the bewildered (like me) please? smiley - biggrin

- also "many of cut scenes occur in here." I think there is a typo in that bit?





smiley - biroThe most disturbing of these is a baby who appears in two levels the second with a chainsaw.

-[The most disturbing of these is a baby who appears in two levels, the second time with a chainsaw.]


smiley - biroAvailable from the start of the game, this is a variation on the Nightmare Stages which can be played by two players either cooperatively or competitively.
- add a comma here

[by two players, either cooperatively]


smiley - biroAnother variation on the Nightmare stages which can again be played with two players but is only available once you have achieved a gold ranking in the main game on those stages. There are four stages which change every time you play.
- divide this long sentence a little, and I think it may sound better if you change 'on those stages' to 'in these stages'

[This is another variation on the Nightmare stages which can again be played with two players. It is only available once you have achieved a gold ranking in the main game in these stages.]


smiley - biroThe Stray Sheep edition included a small pizza box, a t-shirt (as worn my Vincent himself)

- [worn by Vincent ]

smiley - biroIf you can find it second hand, though it’s well worth a punt.

put comma after 'though'

- [If you can find it second hand though, it’s well worth a punt.]


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 16

Geggs

Now, I've not come across this game before, and all I presently know about it comes from this entry, but it all seems incredibly bizarre.

I kinda sounds like the game has a split personality, with one half of the game being a morality-play-cum-murder-mystery, and the other half being a bold-coloured fast-moving puzzle game. Are the two sides evenly balanced, by the way, or does the nightmare bit take up the bulk of the gaming time?

Also, do the nightmare bits serve any purpose? Do they further the plot, provide a counterpoint to it, or just create space between the real-world bits?

Actually, that makes me wonder how the game was conceived. In the development did the nightmare bit come first, and then the morality play get added after the event to provide some 'grounding', or did the real-world bit come first, and someone said, "Hey, this is boring! Can we throw a weird puzzle game in there too?". Or, and this I find really insane, did one mind think of both sides of this at the same time? I mean, what kind of mind could originate these two ideas in the same instant?

Oh, and are these people dying as a consequence of Vincent talking to them, or is that just want the game engine used to decide who dies next? Does this get any resolution, by the way? Is there a killer on the loose, and you find out who it is at the end, or do the deaths have no common cause and remain unexplained?

Essentially, I guess what all this boils down to is: does the game reward the effort of playing it?


Geggs


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 17

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

smiley - book

I've only read the start so far. You should say in the first paragraph what kind of a game it is. It definitely is not jump and run as Bel suggests. It seems like some detective adventure story where you mainly talk and don't fight? Not sure whatthe professional term is for that.


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 18

Gnomon - time to move on

It sounds to me as if the game is peculiar enough that it can't be briefly summarised. "Jump and run" certainly seems to describe part of the game, though.


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 19

Tavaron da Quirm - Arts Editor

Ok, I read it all now, yes *part* of it seems to be a jump and run but part of it also seems to be a detective story?
I think in the gameply section you should give more explainations before saying 'Vincent is aa sheep' because it comes so sudden that I thought he really is and not that (as it seems) in his dream he is a sheep. Because when you tell me the action comes at night I don't think of dreaming but of chasing people through dark alleys or anything like that. You should explain it a bit more slowly and detailed.

And maybe you should split the part of where you talk about the characters from the part about locations.


A87756835 - Catherine - The Video Game

Post 20

Z

As an entry on 'Hobbies' in PR during May this entry is eligible for the May Create Challenge, and I've put it on the 'Roll of Honour' at A87756475


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