HOLY SMOKE - Movie Based on my Autobiography
Created | Updated Nov 7, 2002
Title
'HOLY SMOKE'
Director
Rt. Rev. Lesley Gentle (Church of the Righteous Fist)
Characters
Rudibar Malensensky - Affable thalidomide-victim and bookmakerKen Devizes - Corrupt game warden and part time prison warden/drug dealer
Toby Gleesdale - Unemployed stuntman
Neil Sedaka - Gay body-builder
Convict 99 (Roy Molloy) - Undercover policeman
Rt. Rev. Lesley Gentle - Prison Chaplain and polygamist
Maisie-Jade Molloy - Gangsters moll and eco-warrior
Eunice Huthart-Gentle - Chaplain's wife and female champion on Gladiators
Magdelaine Tips-Gentle - Chaplain's wife and fox hunter
Shoba Karoo-Gentle - Chaplain's wife and village butcher
Maria Sleight-Gentle - Chaplain's wife and town crier
Slemenkova Pozikordikzezl-Gentle - Chaplain's wife and boss of local Russian Mafia
Susanna Hedgecombe-Morley-Gentle - Chaplain's Wife and Vice-President of Shell, CEO of Hedgecombe-Morley Landmines Inc. and owner of world's largest solid gold shotgun
Synopsis
When new prisoner - Convict 99 (Roy Molloy) comes to town, the lives of the inhabitants of the idyllic village of Dalston will never be the same. The village services the needs of the local Gaol but nothing is quite as it seems as rumours spread thick and fast that he is in fact undercover policeman Ken 'Kermit' Green who was reponsible for the deaths of Ken Devizes' pheasants during the winter of discontent. The plot thickens when Ken's ex-lover Neil Sedaka starts to disrupt his marriage to Maisie-Jade by killing their children using his knowledge of correct weight-lifting procedures to their disadvantage when they visit his gym.
Rudibar Malensensky is the unlikeliest of heroes. He is three feet tall and his limbs are withered and gnarled.He is a popular small-time bookmaker in Dalston Village who loses money hand over stump and he also unwittingly starts a chain of events which lead to the petrol-bombing of Ken Devizes' cavavan by a mystery priest with an axe to grind and six and a half tons of purest Afghan heroin hidden in empty coffins in his graveyard. The priest needs more coffins, but the people are living too long, so he begins his campaign of reclaiming body-vessels in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord when Toby Gleesdale is found with a Columbian neck-tie and a smouldering copy of No Logo next to his corpse.
Events become even more mysterious when the cleric is found to have a water-tight alibi; he was on the six o'clock news smoking cannabis with a number of Law Lords and UB40's Ali Campbell in a symbolic gesture of defiance towards the establishment.
Who is the mystery cleric? Is the Rt. Rev. Lesley Gentle pulling all the strings? How does he keep so many wives happy when they would clearly not normally have anything in common? Where is all the heroin going to? Why would a priest be involved in the illegal trade of narcotics anyway? Why does Rt. Rev. Lesley Gentle's CEO wife own such an enormous solid gold shotgun? Who is the mysterious Lord Summerisle?
These questions and many more a posed in 'HOLY SMOKE'.
Some are also answered as well.
Actors And Actresses
Rudibar Malensensky - Victor SpinettiKen Devizes - Johnny Adair
Toby Gleesdale - Jerome Flynn
Neil Sedaka - Robson Green
Convict 99 (Roy Molloy) - Eammon Walker
Rt. Rev. Lesley Gentle - Lesley Grantham
Maisie-Jade Molloy - Bonnie Langford
Eunice Huthart-Gentle - Eunice Huthart
Magdelaine Tips-Gentle - Delia Smith
Shoba Karoo-Gentle - Shobu Kapoor
Maria Sleight-Gentle - Charmaine Sinclair
Slemenkova Pozikordikzezl-Gentle - Joanne Guest
Susanna Hedgecombe-Morley-Gentle - Joanna Lumley
Budget
£12.5m
