h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Any ideas?

Well, lots of us are nice, and lots of us are friendly...

...oh, you want both at once?

Hmmmmmm.

***B

Me me me me ......... Oh sorry, girls!

PP

Nice, friendly, and accomodating would be best, really...

Nice friendly girls that run hotels then.

PP

I don't mean to denigrate anyone, and there's nothing wrong with anyone's profession as long as they practice it of their own accord, but that's not exactly the sort of girl I'm looking for.
I would just like the sort of lass who would serve a fellow a glass of armagnac, massage his feet so tired from wandring, and indulge his fancies.

How about settling for the following:-

1. Mortgage
2. Hair loss.
3. University fees.
4. A week in Bridlington once a year.

Thought not.

PP

No that wouldn't suit me at all.

Then, bluntly phrased, you're screwed.

Welcome to humanity.

I'm afraid I fail to see what mr.pinkpaisleys list has to do with nice girls.
I've been a registered member of humanity since time immemorial. It is for this reason that I am seeking a nice young lady to take me away from the remembrance of it.

I just want to be clear, now.

You want a nice young lady to make you forget you are human?

What DO you want her to make you think you are?

not nice, not young, not a lady, but
a girl called Ben

It's nice to see that this site attracts a fine level of cynicism.

Now I know I'm in the right place after all.

It seems you were born 50 years to late if you´re looking for a girl to serve your every need. But you could of course pay her.

Oh, I don't know.

Serving someone's every need can be highly entertaining - especially when you stop.

***B

Ah, to forget I am human, what bliss that would be! What a weight lifted from my shoulders, freed from all pretense at humanity! I want her to make me think I am cared for, that there is no need to worry, and that if I get the odd hankering, there's no need to worry about that either.

Hankering, eh?

But what do you want to be INSTEAD of being human? I mean, are we talking about dolphins here, or items of furniture, or godhead?

You need to give a clear specification...

***B

And speaking of specifics, does the question mean (as it states)"nice friendly girls" or rather (as is implied) "a Dickensian housewife"?

Why must I be anything other than a happy embodiment of bliss, which is what I inevitably become when in the company of a lass.
I don't want a slave. Just someone compassionate and caring. With long firm legs.

The embodiment of bliss?

Have you tried meditation?

***B

Meditation, transcendental philosopy, buddhism, psychotropic drugs, I've tried them all in my day. But nothing beats the caress of a soft hand...