A Conversation for The Ostrich: the Bird Kingdom's Strongman

Edited Guide Writing Workshop: A13172447 - Ostrich

Post 1

Tom tamer of the lion

Entry: Ostrich - A13172447
Author: Tom tamer of the lion - U1874398

Im not sure if its because I have done the peer review thing a few times. I would have just put this staright in peer review and would have made the changes when its in there, so I have decided to put it here instead and make the changes will its in here. I know the main things are going to be spellings and grammer, which I allways miss. So any help will be greatfull accepted


A13172447 - Ostrich

Post 2

Leo



>>They were once found in the Middle East but due to excessive hunting they are now probably extinct. T<<

Extinct?! In the wild, or just in the middle east, or what? I know they have them at the local zoo.


A13172447 - Ostrich

Post 3

Tom tamer of the lion

the change has been made

tom


A13172447 - Ostrich

Post 4

Not him

They are so strong they can carry a small man - about 50kg then? best to specify, if you can. (IMO)

An ostrich is native to Africa - *The* ostrich, not just one of them.

This varies on the environment and the sex of the bird - *based* on, and could we have gender instead of sex please?

"They have long necks and legs, which have no feathers on them at all": this looks a bit similar to "They have long bare neck, long legs " - we only need the information once.

I don't want to scare you off, so I've only made a start here smiley - ok

It's worth you looking through, and trying to misconstrue what you've written, see if there's another way you could interpret what you've written smiley - ok

I like this, an excellent start to the entry smiley - cheers


A13172447 - Ostrich

Post 5

Tom tamer of the lion

right I have changed all the things you have suggested. I will look through the piece and try to cut out anthing I have all ready said, if you spot anything though please say, trust me it wont put me off.

tom


A13172447 - Ostrich

Post 6

Tom tamer of the lion

so theres nothing else I can improve then?

tom


A13172447 - Ostrich

Post 7

Not him

There eyes are

*Their* eyes...

white tails - they have several tails? or several tail feathers?

This makes the wings unstable for flying - unstable? really?

The Ostrich is born with feathers and with in the first few hours they are up and running. - the ostrich/they? ostriches, please. oh, and within is one word.

"s the long legs. These are not just for show" - these are not just for show, but that's obvious, surely? they're for walking on, as well. if you're going to say it, explain it, please.

there is two toes - there *are*...

"One considerable larger than the other this resembles a hoof" - One is considerably larger than the other, and resembles a hoof

It also uses these long powerful legs for defense. An ostrich can give a nasty kick that puts of a lot of predators. - it refers to male ostriches. what about the females? could you look at this entire paragraph? I personally don't like "the ostrich"

"If water is short they can gain water from the plants that they digest. Once they can find water though they will drink up and if they can they will frequently take a bath." - 'gain' could be replaced with 'take' If? you mention that they're desert animals, so when would be more appropriate. 'though' is in a clumsy place, could you use 'however' at the beginning of that sentence instead?

"the ostrich will plant material and seeds" an 'eat' might help.

to digest to food - too many 'to's

and with all stories it got twisted to the myth we know today. - and, as with all stories, it became twisted, to form the myth we know today. (or words to that effect)

sufforcate - no 'r'

pair is the alpha male and - pair is known as the alpha male and

The females lay their yellowish-white eggs together in one communal nest in the sand. The ostrich digs a hollow and lays about 20 eggs in the ground - this should be contracted to one sentence, i feel.

So this dance is enough scare of most predators - enough *to* scare *off* most predators

the eggs are venerable - vulnerable. venerable means old and respected.

but there are always more than one male - but there are always several males

enough?

let me know when you've worked your way through that pile, please.


A13172447 - Ostrich

Post 8

Tom tamer of the lion

right I have made a few of the changes and will change the rest when i can. Thanks


tom


A13172447 - Ostrich

Post 9

Tom tamer of the lion

right I have done all the changes you have suggested. Im away soon for a couple of weeks so I will not be abel to make any changes then, but please if there is anything i can do to improve it then just sau and when i can i will change it.

tom


A13172447 - Ostrich

Post 10

Not him

puts of - puts off - 2 f's. There are a couple of these. When you get back, could you put it in peer review?


A13172447 - Ostrich

Post 11

Tom tamer of the lion

yep I have made the changes, and I will put it in peer review right away, I will explain on my note that i am on holiday, but I will sort out any changes that need to be made

tom


A13172447 - Ostrich

Post 12

Rod

Header Physical features - para 1:
"The ostrich grows to roughly 2.4 m (8 ft) and a weight from 90 to 130 kg. There have been some males that have been weighed at 155 kg. This varies on the environment and the sex of the bird."
Perhaps, to clarify and for consistency, something on the lines of:
'The ostrich grows to roughly 2.4 m (8 ft) and weighs from 90 to 130 kg (200 - 290 lb.), depending on the environment and gender - some males have been weighed at 155 kg (340 lb).'

- para 2: Two small claws - that is interesting - are there any suggestions as to why?

- para 3: "The chicks of an ostrich are very different to some British birds for example the robin". They certainly are! To reduce the chances of me saying that, perhaps 'different in nature to some British birds'. Is that actually all or most other birds?

Header Digestion, - para 2:
"The ostrich will also be seen to eat pebbles. This is due to the fact that they do not have any teeth and they use the stones to digest food in their gizzard.". I don't think they use the stones for digestion, at least not directly. Are they not to break/grind seeds to allow better digestion?

Header Ostrich society:
para 2: Polygamous is to have more than one female mate (polyandrous refers to male mates).
In company with other grazers. Their height also allows them to see further and to look down (sort of) through grass & bush, a more advantageous angle than horizontally.

- para 2: "Once the ostrich reaches the age of sexual maturity, about two to four years old (the female ostrich reaches sexual maturity six months before the male)"
Some clarification? With a spread of two years, how does she know?

- para 3, 2nd sentence: really one female, 20 eggs?

- para 4: Largest eggs but smallest for its size. Would it be worth comparison with the Kiwi, which lays the largest for its size (some enormous% of its weight)?

Header Ostrich defence and offence, sub header The warning dance
The male is venerable -> vulnerable.

- sub header Camouflage
"they will lay down with their head on the ground". 'it will lay...'

Header Ostrich Farming. It's either rare or unique, not both. It's certainly not unique.
It's ostrich 'meat'.

I've just previewed that ... don't be put off, it's a good entry.
Regards
RtB


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