h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Wow! How times have changed. Nowadays, few people wear hats in public. There aren't even many hat stores left, even counting sports-oriented ones.

I walk through shopping malls, and see more stores for wireless technology than hats. Maybe people are too busy using their cell phones to remember their hats? Which is a shame, because a cell-phone band in the hat would be a handy place to store your phone.

Whatever. here's a true story: Twenty years ago, when I was in Maui, I decided to buy a souvenir. Many people were wearing Australian-style hats, so I bought one, and the wind promptly blew it away in Iao Needle park.

Another true story: When I was in Taiwan in 1989, I bought a Chinese coolie hat. I still have that. It's hanging from the tie rack in my bedroom.

neckties are almost as endangered as hats, though you still find them in stores that sell upscale men's clothing. Granted, there aren't a lot of those in malls either.

Yeah, isn't it funny how fashions change?

My dad hated to wear hats. But HIS dad never went anywhere without one - felt for town, straw for the fields.

If you're ever in Philly, go see if that hat store is still there on South Street. It had every kind of hat. Of course, the Stetson company started in Philadelphia.

Sports fans very often wear caps with the names of their favorite teams on them. That seems to be only vestige of the once-ubiquitous hat-wearing culture.

Treu - and they make great collector's items.

But they lack style, really.

They lack style? How much style is involved in wearing your trousers so low that half your butt is visible? ?

High style is uncool and maybe unphat [I might have coined a new term there ].

There was a time when men owned suits, even if they were laborers and could only afford one good suit for church or important occasions. Women went to church with fancy hats. There are still men who wear suits to work, and women who wear fancy hats to weddings. Mostly, though, people are as casual as possible when you see them on the streets. Older men like me were proper pants and suitcoats in public, though not necessarily ties.

Why wear a tie when it's not necessary? It increases your risk of stroke, hurts your circulation, and gets uncomfortable in hot weather. Ties help somewhat in cold weather, but a loosely ties scarf can do the same job with less discomfort.

The worst thing about ties is that they end up in the soup. If you're clumsy..

Well, they are perfectly situated for blowing your nose into or sopping up food stains.

At last, a use for the necktie.Other than as an unwanted gift. Or a palce to hang a tie pin.

I get that men's formal attire became far too drab, and needed a colorful counterweight. With the rakish hat gone and the shirt restricted to boring whites and pastels, something colorful was needed, so the necktie was elected. It could be made of luxurious silk, and designed with brilliant patterns.

Nowadays, we have designers like Geoffrey Beane who publicly say that a properly selected shirt can provide plenty of color without a necktie.

I'd love for him to have a conversation with Beau Brummel.

Of course, the tie grew out of the necklocth, which was actually a useful article - though a pain, the way Brummel tied it.

It kept your neck warm. It held the top of your shirt together. In a pinch, you could pull it off and use it for a bandage. Or to wipe the weat off your face.

Let's hear it for the bandana.