h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am sorry, I have not seen your Towel. I am having problems with mine, though. It has this ungodly odor emanating from it. I do not know what to do about it. I can barely stand to be in the same room with it. Please help me? Pleeeeeeeeeease?

Speaking of which, I've been working on a project on Terryworld, one of the places towels go to live a toweloid
lifestyle. Some of them, despite having been lost and mistreated in their previous environment, miss it very
much. We are working with them to train them to be obedient and loyal, so they will always stick with you,
and we train them to have an excellent sense of direction. So if you have one of our towels (available for a
modest fee, which covers their vaccinations and health certificate for travel), and you misplace it, it's not the
towel that's lost, it's YOU! But since our towels are trackers, don't panic; they will find you!

these beings have not only taken the towel, they have trillian wrapped up in it. having been rescued from a false bugblatter beast of trall that was evolving into a new god, or maybey it was a refrigerator....
anyway, the point is, was the towel really here? or did it merely seem that way to my cat?

Ahh Gealatis, I remember my first visit...
The locals seems to favor blow dyrers you see, and somehow this preference turned the slightly stupid natives of Gealatis into raving fanatics. Over the course of about 1000 years, the Gealatians have developed a kind of special power, based on thier eligion which explains God did nothing more than invent the blow dryer and that Haapevt Terry, the inventor of the towel, is the equivlient of Satan. One can actually get free services on Gealatis if one is smart enough to bring a hairdryer with them. Free food, lodging and the best seats for the nightly towel burning ceremonies. Just dont let anyone know you have a towel, or even let them know you have ever used one, otherwise a kill-o-zap might not be enough to keep the small furry Gealatians away. I definately reccomend visiting Gealatis, if not for a change of pace but for a great burrito; the Gealatians make a GREAT burrito...

I've heard about that burrito.... It seems they don't use a tortilla, but instead wrap it in a TOWEL....

ive just come out of the totla perspective vortex man

I belive that you may have to file a "Towel Claim Form TCF-902177645389" and then stand in a very long line for a very long time
while a lowly, bored, and underpaid Vogon bureacracy tech will tediously
process such forms and others such as "Requisition RSC 29738262-CCF-873351-42 Funding request for a Do-It-Yourself Nova Kit"

Or, you could swipe one from the pool area...........

any idea why ford thinks that a towel is the most important tool in life, universe and everything?

Having your towel with you shows other hitch-hikers that you came prepared. They (not the proverbial they, just other hitch-hikers, as mentioned above) assume, since you have a towel, that you also have a whole lot of other stuff, and are willing to lend you anything you need due to the fact that you've probably just misplaced yours.

Whatever you do, don't let them in on the fact that all you have is a TOWEL!

Or you could just use this in your personal space:

minus the if it doesn't work.

Sorry, rather minus the if it doesn't work.

Due to an accident with a liquid lunch, a rubber band, and a vat of radioactive textbooks, I have COME TO LIFE!
Over the past several months, while you puny earthmen have been looking of me, I have learned the ways of your kind, and I shall overthrow you presently.

TOWELS OF THE UNIVERSE UNITE!!