Handball - Not the Olympic Version Content from the guide to life, the universe and everything

Handball - Not the Olympic Version

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Handball is a sport common in most densely-populated urban areas which lack proper playing fields. It is known for requiring very little equipment, because all one needs is a small rubber ball, two players, and a large concrete wall situated in a parking lot, gym or any other paved surface.

Rules? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Rules

Handball plays like tennis, except without nets, rackets or any hope of sponsorship. Two or more players take turns slapping the rubber ball against the wall, allowing it to bounce once after hitting the wall before the next player takes their turn. The game goes on like this until somebody misses, has the ball bounce at an inopportune moment, or until your palms become dark purple.

Tactics and Strategy

Since the ball only bounces once before the next person whacks it against the wall again, there are a couple of underhand tricks to make life a bit harder for your opponent:

  • The Tap - When it's your turn, you simply tap the ball (preferably while you're within an arm's length of the wall) so that it only just taps against the wall, and forces the opponent to run up for the ball, causing him either to miss (because he just slammed into the wall himself), or to be set up for a really powerful slap, causing him to have to run back away from the wall again.

  • The Long Bomb - To slap the ball as hard as you can, so that your opponent must go running far out into traffic (or the bleachers, if you're playing a game in a gym) to be in a position to return the ball once it finds its way back down. The opponent either will not have the strength to slap the ball back, or will be set up for the aforementioned tap.

  • The Groundball - A normally powered slap, except skimming as close to the ground as humanly possible, so that the ball is likely to bounce twice before reaching your opponent.

Accessories for the Discerning Street Urchin

For those of you who don't particularly like having your hands turn blue, with a pounding sensation like a drum, there are handball gloves which help that particular problem. These are used by professionals when they play; just don't use them at your local hangout because you more than likely will be ridiculed.


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