h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.h2g2.com/A499557

A fascinating woman...written to compliment my Tutankhamun entry.

This is definitely an interesting topic, and a lot of great information. Nefertiti has always been one of those names that I've vaguely associated with Egyptians and Pharaahs and Pyramids, but I'd never known exactly who she is.

Here are a couple suggestions:

1) I had to read through the entry several times to realize that several of the names were referring to the same person. I'm not entirely sure what the best way to clear this up might be -- maybe refer to her by Nefertiti throughout, but with qualifications, i.e., "Nefertiti, known at this point as Pharaoh Smenkhkare" or "Pharaoh Smenkhkare (aka, Nefertiti)".

2) I also had to stop and think about this sentence:
"Queen Nefertiti was initially queen; but cartouches show that throughout Akhenaton's reign, his wife was given more and more power; becoming co-ruler; and even taking over as ruler after Akenhaten's death."
While I'm assuming at this point that the term "queen" in reference to ancient egypt merely denotes the wife (or primary wife, anyway) of the reigning ruler, that's not the universal usage. Since the term "queen" can also be used to refer to a female reigning ruler, the sentence can be a bit confusing, especially as the average reader of this entry may be like myself and not know much about ancient Egypt. Again, I'm unsure how best to clarify this.

3) I'd suggest using footnotes rather than the parenthetical comments in brackets, if possible.

Otherwise, this is looking pretty good -- mighty interesting read!

Mikey

This is definitely an interesting topic, and a lot of great information. Nefertiti has always been one of those names that I've vaguely associated with Egyptians and Pharaahs and Pyramids, but I'd never known exactly who she is.

Here are a couple suggestions:

1) I had to read through the entry several times to realize that several of the names were referring to the same person. I'm not entirely sure what the best way to clear this up might be -- maybe refer to her by Nefertiti throughout, but with qualifications, i.e., "Nefertiti, known at this point as Pharaoh Smenkhkare" or "Pharaoh Smenkhkare (aka, Nefertiti)".

2) I also had to stop and think about this sentence:
"Queen Nefertiti was initially queen; but cartouches show that throughout Akhenaton's reign, his wife was given more and more power; becoming co-ruler; and even taking over as ruler after Akenhaten's death."
While I'm assuming at this point that the term "queen" in reference to ancient egypt merely denotes the wife (or primary wife, anyway) of the reigning ruler, that's not the universal usage. Since the term "queen" can also be used to refer to a female reigning ruler, the sentence can be a bit confusing, especially as the average reader of this entry may be like myself and not know much about ancient Egypt. Again, I'm unsure how best to clarify this.

3) I'd suggest using footnotes rather than the parenthetical comments in brackets, if possible.

Otherwise, this is looking pretty good -- mighty interesting read!

Mikey

oops -- sorry for the double post -- my computer's spazzing!

I like this kind of entry. Combined with the Tutankhamon entry you're well into one of Egypt's most interesting periods. The topic won't be complete, however, without doing an entry on Akhenaton as well. The monotheistic period in the middle east began here, although it didn't last long in Egypt itself. I read recently that new evidence may indicate that even Moses and his people may simply have been an exiled Aton worshippers after tuntankhamons reign or something like that.

keep it up.


~^M^~

Oh, hi Merdo! I was away working on Mikey's suggestions while you were reading & posting! It was also my first ever attempts at footnotes, so I'd welcome feedback on those.
You are so right about Akenhaton.
I have enough information in my head to write an entry on him! Just from doing Tutankhamun's and Nefertiti's.
Did you know that Tutankhamun was buried in a coffin meant for a woman? I am positive that Ay plundered Akenhaton's {and Queen Tiya's} tomb, so he could bury Tut in style. Ay, {I doubt} would not have used Nefertiti's funeral items, as she was his daughter.
The mystery remains, where is Nefertiti's tomb?
Why don't the Egyptian government look for it?
Anyway, please comment on the revised entry.
I'll start work on my Akenhaton entry.

It's looking better and better. I'm looking forward to the Akhenaton entry.

There are still a number of msisplelings in the entry ... I found at least three alternative spellings of Akhenaton.

~^M^~

Everywhere I look, there is a different spelling of Akenhaten. I took Colonel Sellers spelling of it, as he disagreed with the Iknhaten version
I will endeavour to find out the correct spelling, before I post my article on him, hehehe.
Although as the Egyptians didn't write down their vowels, we have no way of knowing which way is correct. It can, literally, be our choice. I'll go with the popular consensus though.

I have a friend whose name is spelled Akhenaton. That's the spelling i learned at school. Being dyslectic myself I'm disinclined to say that's the one true spelling.

No matter which spelling you choose, it's an advantage to spell it the same way every time.

~^M^~

You have a friend named Akhenaton?
What were his parents thinking of?

Agreed.
I'll go check all my spellings.

There is no "true spelling" of Egyptian names. The names were written down in the hieroglyphic alphabet, which did not use the same vowel sounds as English. So it is anybody's guess as to the correct pronunciation. Akhenaton, Akhenaten and Ikhnaton are all equally valid spellings.

Well, at least they're all spelled the same way now...

Not quite! In the article on Tutankhamen, you spell his wife's name as Ankhesenpa'aten. In the article on Nefertiti, the same woman's name is spelt Akhenespa'aten.

A more important point: You claim that Nefertiti changed her name to Smenkh..whatever and ruled as Pharaoh after Akhenaton died. This is not universally accepted. It is known that there was a Smenkh... but the evidence that shows that this was Nefertiti under a different name is slight. You should make it clear that not everyone accepts this.

You also don't make the point very clearly that she changed her name. This is important enough that it should not be relegated to a footnote. You should state clearly in the main text that after Akhenaton died, Nefertiti changed her name to Smenk.. and ruled as Pharaoh under that name (if this is what you believe).

OK, I have applied the changes suggested.
However, I am not happy with that paragraph now.
Any tips on how I can make it read better?

Good Entry, GB. You might add some of the different language spellings of Nefertiti's name. As an example, her german name is 'Nophretete'. The bust you mentioned is very famous all over the world, imho it's one of the best known historic artefacts, along with Tutankhamuns mask, the Venus of Milo, the Laokoon Group, ...

In fact, the first 'egyptian' thing I remember to have seen in my life was not Tut's mask, but Nefertiti's bust.

Some 'spelling translations' (mention them if you think it's useful information, but that's up to you):

Tutankhamun => Tutenchamon
Nefertiti => Nophretete
Akhenaton => Echnaton

It's definitely a useful Entry for the Guide. As with almost every Entry, esp. a historic one, you'll never know when to consider it complete and finished. IMHO it's ready for the Guide, but add as many additional information as you can. It's interesting to learn more about that era.

Jeremy FS JBB

I think that paragraph reads OK except that the sentence starting "This is not universally accepted
that ..." should start "It is not universally accepted that ..."

Ok - done.
This entry now contains a link to Akhenaten the Heretic. However, this is a work ~in progress~ and I really don't want it read yet.
The way it's going, it's going to be a larger entry than Tutankhamun's.
Finding out about all the incest is unsettling.

This one doesn't seem to be as rich in detail as the article on Tut, but then, I guess there isn't so much information available on her. I think you've done a pretty good job with what you have to work with. A few points, however:

If I recall correctly, the spelling I offered you for Tut's dad was Akhenaton. As far as I know, it is the most widely accepted standard for spelling his name. You make a good point about the validity of various spellings, so you should technically be able to use whichever you like (although Inkhnaten is probably the most confusing variation, and so should be avoided) as long as you keep it consistent within your three Egyptian articles.

Footnote 9 is superfluous... "as was the custom" is implied in the sentence. Footnotes are good, but they can be overused.

I disagree with Jeremy's suggestion regarding alternative spellings for the various names. The article is already an alphabet soup, especially with the paragraph describing Nefertiti's various names. Knowing what the Germans call her doesn't help the article.

Three articles on the same subject just about qualifies this as a University project. If you planned on doing any others, I would recommend that you pull them from Peer Review (although I believe Tutankhamun has already been recommended) and pursue them as a University project instead. You get a shiny new badge for your efforts, and you don't have to worry about languishing for the attentions of a wayward Scout.

Does this mean I could have got a University badge for my articles on the Trumpet, Trombone, Mandolin, Cello, Clarinet and Recorder, all of which have attracted the attention of a wayward scout and have been recommended?

Yes.

Do you feel silly now?