This is Love (UG)

0 Conversations

Official UnderGuide Entry

Claret is a pretentious, narcissistic, affected, faux-hippy idiot. That pretty much defines the guy. To understand or comprehend his character, you don't need to be confronted with his second-hand, Harris Tweed suit jacket, worn with £70 Diesel jeans tightly glued to his legs. No mention is necessary of the vintage Swatch wristband watch, always peeking out from the cuff of his Lacroix shirt, deliberately conspicuous. The cravat obtained from his father's wardrobe is a null point, artfully tied and perfectly positioned to accent his outfit. The exquisitely beautiful pocket book he carries is full of careful copies of other people's poems, quotes, ideas. There is no need for you to peruse it. It defines him only as much as his vintage brown brogues do. If you ever see him, or anyone who looks like they might be him, please do me the favour of landing a quite unrefined fist directly in the center of his face.

(I)

They met on the schoolbus, and fell in love straight away. "Check out my iPhone," said he, licking his lips in anticipation of the furtive fumblings he knew were sure to follow. She threw her head back, writhing in pleasure as his studied cool and obvious material worth spurred her on to improptu orgasm. He knew they were perfect for each other straight away, and as he lifted his eyes from her breasts, to stare into her eyes, his conviction stayed strong. This was usually a good sign.

(II)

Journal of Claret de Beauvoir, September 17th, 2004:

"I am so depressed. Really very depressed indeed. My life is a black cloud, and there's a storm coming. Probably some rain too. Black rain... that burns your skin and so on. On the upside it kind of goes with my image. The whole sullen and mysterious thing (tied in with a little self-loathing) is actually working for me.

"Jessica broke up with me today. It wasn't anything big. The main problem she had was with the jeans I was wearing. I knew I shouldn't have risked last season's attire. I felt like such an idiot in school, and everyone laughed and laughed. I guess it was my fault, but I don't think I will get over her. She definitely has the best body in school, and she's probably got a good personality too or something."

(III)

Dear Jessica,

Please come back to me, or at least pretend to for a while in front of my friends. It's killing me having to pretend we're still together on my own. I think it would be nice if you could do this for me. I've given you so much, and I'm pretty sure you probably have a good heart. Or do you? You do have great boobs.

Love is very complicated darling. It's like, chess, or something. You have to move about in defined ways, following all the rules... and if you break those rules then you're not playing the game. You are my queen, and I your king. Sometimes it just feels like I am stuck with only moving one space, while you can move anywhere you want. I'm getting bored of this metaphor now, mainly because I can't see how it really relates to us that well.

What I'm trying to say is: We're the coolest kids in school, and we should be together, or at least pretend to be, and maybe have sex sometimes. What do you think?

Love

Claret de Beauvoir

(Epilogue)

From the corner of the room a pair of eyes meet yours. You are trapped by their intensity. They seem to be looking straight through you, into your soul (this is slightly inaccurate, they are just looking straight through you). He raises a hand, flicks a stray lock of hair from his face, and looks away, but for that one second you feel like part of something. You feel he has seen your deepest fears and secrets, and that somehow, no-one in the world could be like him, could understand you like him. He is Claret de Beauvoir, and he has a Swatch. This is love.


Bookmark on your Personal Space


Conversations About This Entry

There are no Conversations for this Entry

Entry

A35932142

Infinite Improbability Drive

Infinite Improbability Drive

Read a random Edited Entry

Categorised In:


References

h2g2 Entries

Disclaimer

h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the Not Panicking Ltd. Unlike Edited Entries, Entries have not been checked by an Editor. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more