How to be Annoying

• Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are
  green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
  
• Drum on every available surface.
  
• Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
  
• Staple papers in the middle of the page.
  
• Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire
  copy warnings.
  
• Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's
  backpacks.
  
• Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
  
• Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first
  page.
  
• Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
  
• Set alarms for random times.
  
• Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends
  in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
  
• Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to
  lick the flavor off.
  
• Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
  
• Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's
  stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
  
• Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a
  "croaking" noise.
  
• Honk and wave to strangers, when you are on foot.
  
• Dress only in clothes coloured Neon Orange.
  
• Change channels five minutes before the end of every
  show.
  
• Tape pieces of "The Grumbleweeds" over climactic
  parts of rentalmovies.
  
• Wear your trousers backwards.
  
• Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat
  their complementary mints by the cash register.
  
• Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
  
• Rouse your housemates from slumber each morning with
  Mike Oldfield's "Tubular Bells one or two....or both".
  
• Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and
  reroute whole streets.
  
• Pay for your dinner with pennies.
  
• Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
  
• Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
  
• Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of
  someone's roadmaps.
  
• Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy
  assasination/UFO/OJSimpson conspiracy theories.
  
• Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
  
  "Do you hear that?"
  
  "What?"
  
  "Never mind, it's gone now."
• Light road flares on a birthday cake.
  
• Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for
  their parsley.
  
• Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
  
• Demand that everyone address you as
  "Conquistador".
  
• Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
  
• At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your
  socks.
  
• When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells,
  Batman smells
  " until physically restrained.
  
• Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
  
• As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
  
• Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they
  read.
  
• Finish the 99 green bottles song.
  
• Sing the "This is the song that never
  ends..." song.
  
• Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
  (Only works on computers)
  
• Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on
  the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it
  up", and repeat.
  
• Name your dog "Dog".
  
• Inform others that they exist only in your
  imagination.
  
• Ask people what gender they are.
  
• Reply to everything someone says with "that's
  what you think."
  
• Lick the filling out of all the jammy Dodgers, and
  place the biscuit parts back in the tray.
  
• Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a
  Southern Drawl.
  
• Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the
  listener it was a "good one".
  
• Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing
  the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one
  comes".
  
• Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying
  everything they touch with a can of Glade Air Freshener.
  
• Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in
  people's brains.
  
• While making presentations, occasionally bob your
  head like a parakeet.
  
• Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time
  of day.
  
• Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until
  September.
  
• Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great
  glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand
  that people pronounce each A.
  
• Sit in your front garden pointing a hair dryer at
  passing cars to see if they slow down.
  
• Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
  
• Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and
  see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
  
• Ask to "interface " with someone.
  
• Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the
  faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental
  processing".
  
• Sing along at the opera.
  
• Mow your lawn with scissors.
  
• At a golf tournament, chant
  "swing-batatatatatata-suh wing-batter!"
• Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your
  "imaginary friend".
  
• Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't
  rhyme.
  
• Ask your friends mysterious questions, and scribble
  their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological
  profiles".
  
• Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as
  "sticky wicket isn't cricket." Hmmm Geoff Boycott?
  
• Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a
  "magic picture".
  
• Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
  
• Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out
  victims.
  
• Do not add any inflection to the end of your
  sentences, producing silences with the impression that you'll be saying more
  any moment.
  
• Never make eye contact.
  
• Never break eye contact.
  
• Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your
  hands over your ears.
  
• Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front
  lawn.
  
• Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and
  "scan"
  people with it, announcing the results.
  
• Give a play-by-play account of a person's every
  action in an annoying John Motson or Jimmy Hill voice.
  
• Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
  
• Make appointments for the 31st of September.
  
• Invite lots of people to other people's parties.