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Jelly

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A marvellously versatile, wobbily foodstuff containing gelatine and food colouring, which comes in a range of fruit flavours1. It is made by dissolving the ingredients in hot water, pouring the mixture into a bowl or mould, and leaving it to set. At first glance, this food may not seem to be a particularly thrilling dessert, but its uses are manifold.

Jelly is sometimes cast into specific shapes, known as molds, which are aesthetically pleasing only if your idea of beauty involves slices of mature plant ovum suspended in a translucent, brightly colored slime-like compound that wobbles at the slightest provocation. These molds are often found at picnics in America, where they are cheerfully ignored by everyone except the ants.

Physically, Jelly is approximately halfway between being a liquid and being a solid. It obtains this unique property from the gelatin that composes most of its mass and gives it its form. This substance was originally made by boiling the hooves of cows in water, but is now produced via an arcane method that involves a large number of unpronouncable chemicals.

Placating Small Children

For some reason, the majority of children under ten will go wild at the mere mention of jelly (preferably served with ice-cream). This effect is enhanced somewhat if the jelly also appears at a children's party along with a clown, a few paper hats and a trip to a theme park. Be warned however - overindulgence can cause prolonged vomiting and, if eaten in conjunction with theme park activities, the results can be messy.

Enhancing your Eating Experience

Unlike ordinary food such as hamburgers, there are many ways to eat jelly. Inhalation is not recommended but virtually any other method will do. If consumed orally, be sure to roll it around your mouth and squeeze it through your teeth. Don't be afraid to experiment.

Creativity

Making jelly can be almost as enjoyable as eating it. Invest in a few moulds, or you could make your own. Colour and flavour are also important. When designing your jelly, take the time to choose an interesting colour scheme and/or flavour combination. If need be, use a paper and pencil to plan a layout of your jelly and perhaps purchase some colour swatches to help give you ideas.

Missiles

Due to the softness of jelly, it is ideal as a cheap alternative to conventional missiles in use today. Not only is jelly completely safe, but it's cheaper and more fun too.

1Known in America as Jell-O.

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