h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Microwave ovens in my experience also possess the abiltity to heat water to thermonuclear temperatues. The upshot of this is that when any ready made meal or - heaven forbid - ones own recipe wrapped up in cling film is opened you instantly scald your hand or mouth. This happends to such an extent that you cannot eat the food until it is cold again since you have spent the intervening time fist screaming, then hyperventilating and finally sticking the scalded appendage under a cold tap for fifteen minutes. A similar effect can occur when biting into Macdonalds Apple Pie.

A little more specific description of the operation of a microwave. Water molocules are composed of 2 hydrogen and 1 oxygen atom connected by elastic bonds. A microwave bombards your food with a particular frequency. That frequency is the resonant frequency for the elastic bonds in water which makes the moloculs vibrate. The vibration produces heat causing the food to "cook".
However, as soon as the microwave stops, the molocules stop vibrating at such a rapid rate, and the water cools quickly. A microwaved cup of water cools faster than one heated by way of kettle.

And let's not forget the enjoyable steam burns one receives when pulling the plastic wrap off of the top of a microwave-heated food item!

You are all forgetting the most useful aspect of Microwaves....Destroyong AOL CDs that are forever popping through my letter box and falling out of falling out of mags.

If you have never microwaved a CD before you are missing out. Do it in the dark with the Microwave light covered and a glass of water to absorb the waves and watch.

the effect is very pretty for a few seconds as all those microscopic holes in the metal of the CD spark together.

Oh..open a window as well, the smell is pretty awful.

CH

Another use for microwaves is softening butter which comes straight from the fridge so that you can spread it on your bread. (This obviously predates the current era of spreadable butter[1].) The problem is that by the time the outside is at spreading consistency, the center is completely liquid. As a result, pushing your knife into the block causes its collapse, and the liquid center pours out and slowly sets into something you would rather not spread on your bread, if you have it in a container, or soaks into your best table cloth.


[1] Spreadable butter is a New Zealand invention. The molecules which cause butter to become solid when cold are removed, leaving a butter which remains at spreading consistency when kept in the fridge. There are arguements raging in the UK as to whether or not this truely is butter, or some sort of derivative product. The reason for the arguements is that the UK dairy industry can't stand the competion and wants spreadable butter declared to be not butter so that we (NZ) cannot export it there under the butter concession.

I forgot one of the most important uses of a microwave....that of defrosting. It's when you place a block of meat into the microwave, set it to defrost, only to return after the microwave beeps to find that your meat is grey and cooked at the edges, while remaining completely frozen in the center!

OK, I missed something here and I'm sorry.

One of my first guide entries was inspired by meeting the daughter of the man who really invented the microwave oven and I didn't take the time to see what anybody else had written.

Please feel free to plunder from it. It's at http://www.h2g2.com/A163973

chris

PS Hello again Irene, you seem to be following me around. But this time you got here first.

Hello Chris...yes I've spotted 'the man who can' a few times.

Of course, I remember now...you are the 'Shopping: don't do it, it's boring' man.