NHS isn't so much slow as inconsitant (Oct 7, 2004)
Injury -> Diagnosis 3 months
Diagnosis -> Recommendation 2 months
Recommendation -> Epidural 4 days
Epidural -> Rediagnosis 4 months
Rediagnosis -> Treatment 18 hours

18 hours is not a long time to prepare for an operation, but I think I've got most of the major things sorted :/ Wish me luck
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(3 replies, Latest reply: Oct 9, 2004)

It's alive! (Sep 19, 2004)
My internet connection works again thanks to internet dwellers.

I probably have some backlog to plow through but I'm sure anyone waiting for a response will find that we will be back to our usual programming shortly.

Have a nice day.
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(10 replies, Latest reply: Oct 6, 2004)

Well heres an indication that I have too much time on my hands (Aug 20, 2004)
http://quizilla.com/users/xequalssp...0roleplaying%20element%20are%20you%3F

The username isn't as bad as it looks, its a reference to something that a programmer forgot about which caused a plane to crash.

The quiz is as bad as it looks. I want my Jenna back. I also want to get on with the things I *need* to do but I'm not going to. Once procrastination reaches these heights I know somethings wrong.
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I can't belive I haven't posted anything since June (Aug 15, 2004)
Well that sorted that problem out.

If I can just deal with these resits and my dissertation that'll be the lot.

So 33.3% complete

Go me.
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(2 replies, Latest reply: Aug 15, 2004)

Acids memory strikes again (Jun 22, 2004)
Has anyone else managed to get on a bus, arrive at the supermarket, spend ages chatting to a mate, went round and bought all of their stuff, waited patiently to get to the frount of the queue, had an argument over whether the penguins are on 2 for one and THEN FOUND THAT YOU DIDN'T BRING ANY F**ING MONEY

...

I hope my meeting about my dissertation is more sucsessfull.
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(3 replies, Latest reply: Jun 26, 2004)

Failing my degree (Dec 29, 2003)
One of two things has happened
(1) The magnetic strip on my swipecard is broken (how often does that happen?)
(2) The keyboard-monkeys at the hall of records have decided i'm not a student
Either way I won't be able to get into comp sci to do my coursework or in fact to hand it in.
Thats right ladies and gents I've failed my degree due to an elecronics fault or clerical error.
Guess how pissed of I am.
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(35 replies, Latest reply: Feb 4, 2004)

Urk (Dec 14, 2003)
Jennas gone
I have to wait two whole weeks to see her again.

...

Now I feel pathetic.
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(16 replies, Latest reply: Dec 30, 2003)

I'm back(ish) (Dec 12, 2003)
This is a risky posting because Vip may read it and take advantage.

I have the internet in my room.

Sortof.

Basically whoever boots their computer first after a modem reset gets the internet and nobody else can use it until the modem is rebooted again.

The modem is in my room so I have power over the reboots, but then Kris' computer has more virtual memory and is faster on the boot...

So I'll be around...some

Hi guys!
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(31 replies, Latest reply: Apr 7, 2004)

Apologies to my fans (Nov 9, 2003)
I like talking to myself

My broadband connection is...for lack of a better term...dead.
So I may be a while coming back.
Normally I make an effort to catch up on backlog - but these days I struggle if I'm away for a few days.
So if it takes me too long to get back online people will just have to put up will my ill-informed ramblings :P


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(6 replies, Latest reply: Nov 22, 2003)

Disclaimer (Nov 6, 2003)
I haven't slept or eaten properly in the last 24 hours so I take no responsability for any damage or insult I cause by posting things in the next few hours.

Seriously though, if I do something stupid (as I am wont to do when I foget things like food and sleep) then I really didn't mean any harm to anyone.

And can someone spare so food?
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(4 replies, Latest reply: Nov 8, 2003)

What is this strange feeling? (Oct 23, 2003)
I have been introduced to some sort of arcane practice. As I understand it this is an art of ritual self torture. The purpose is to suffer avoidable pain, so that when you are exposed to pain you cannot avoid it will be easier to handle.

It is called X-or-Size

I can only assume that X is a variable for measuring pain and size is the size of your muscles (Que rocky quotes)

Presently I feel aching all over my body, fratigue and a general feeling of being unwell. Though for some reason I feel compelled to try again next week despite all of this.

What a strange phenomonon.
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(2 replies, Latest reply: Oct 24, 2003)

Mwhahahaha (Oct 22, 2003)
I have to make a presentation.

In a group.

For 10% of one of my uni moduals

Our random subject is: A website and how it hits/misses its targets.

The group discussion went as follows:
A - "Lets do the bbc"
Me *slight smile*
B - "Yeah, thats a big site - gives us lots to talk about
Me *smile grows*
A - "Why don't we take a subpage of the site each"
B -"Good idea, that means if we get some noshows it doesn't matter"
Me *Trying not to burst out laughing at my luck "Yeah, why not"
A - "I'll do the frount page to tie it all together"
B - "I'll do the childrens section"
Me - *innocently* "I'll see if they have an online community I could say a bit about"

Mwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I can get 10% of my modual marks talking about h2g2. (And I suppose I could look at the other discussion boards)

So anything you people think I should mention?
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(9 replies, Latest reply: Nov 11, 2003)

Kill Bill (Oct 18, 2003)
I just watched Kill Bill - it seemed good though I lost most of the film fantasising about ways of executing the three people to my immediate right.

I propose an ammendment to the law: "Anyone who answers a mobile phone and/or has a very vocal conversation lasting over five minutes in a cinema while the film is running is no longer protected by the assault and murder laws"

What does everyone think?
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(4 replies, Latest reply: Oct 20, 2003)

ARRGGGHHH (Oct 14, 2003)
Damn this resign thing. Plain looks ugly now. So much backlog...
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(2 replies, Latest reply: Oct 15, 2003)

Need to Tidy my room (Oct 4, 2003)
Just did the lounge downstairs, so I'm on a bit of a roll, thought I'd tidy up my room as well.

Problem is I have a lot of stuff and a big room. 'Whys that a problem' I hear you cry! The reason is that I have no storage beyond a wardrobe, tabe and 2 shelves about a meter wide.

I have all this stuff and nowhere to put it except the floor! So it's impossible to tidy up properly. I can't afford to buy anything, I have a near infinate supply of bricks a few breezeblocks and Kris said he might give me a plank of wood.

So I need inventive solutions, making a set of shelves is the obvious solution, it would fit, but the construction would limit the amount of space it would give me. Also clothes are a problem - I have too many to fit in my wardrobe. Finally how do I deal with computer stuff and paperwork considering my computer is on a table with no drawers and not a desk like I had last year?

AAAAGGGHHH! I hate housework when the conditions are good!
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(10 replies, Latest reply: Oct 17, 2003)

The day pizza delivery boys dream of (Sep 24, 2003)
So I'm sitting in my room with Vip and FC. As I tend to do these days. Me and FC are looking fairly normal (by our standards not yours) Vip on the other hand has decided to wear a corset and not much else. These things happen.

*ding dong* Must be the pizza man. Well I know whats coming next. Attention seeker that she is theres no way that Vip *won't* answer the door in her new corset. Suddenly, and without warning, she dons a thick jumper. She claims to be cold - this isn't the Vip I know, whats going on?

So off she goes to answer the door, has some polite conversation with the delivery boy who seems nonplussed until he looks down. It was hilareous (you can tell because me and FC are in the background laughing out heads off) just as he recovers from his shock with a cry of "isn't it great" Vip lifts her jumper so he can see the whole ensamble.

In fairness to the man he recovered his wits enough to speak after just a minute or so. It can't help the poor man that me and FC were all but rolling on the floor laughing at that point. Still gives him something to talk about. I can tell this is going to be an interesting year :D
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(22 replies, Latest reply: Sep 30, 2003)

I'm almost very sorry for the thing I almost did (Sep 15, 2003)
Just a quicky, I have to be out of the house in 10 mins, people who are waiting for replys I am not ignoring you - simply don't have much time. (I get paranoid when I'm waiting for a reply from someoone and they start posting in other threads, but not the one I'm in)

I just typed possibly the creulest document I have ever managed. It was entitled 'bitch' and contained all of a researchers secrets and problems as well as a damning condemnation of her actions over the past lifetime.

Why? Because of what she did to me. Very publicly and very humiliatingly setting me up over h2g2 to ensure that I would never be welcome here (or even anywhere in RL where there was even a researcher) ever again. I hadn't even done anything to her - I was furious beyond belief.

Just before I posted, while I was previwing it, I thought it would be nice and ironic to round off with a quote from the thread it started in, the first round of a complete all round character assasination. Though I couldn't find it. In fact, when I looked harder I couldn't find any of the threads that this had happened in - which was odd because there were hundreds of them just a few hours ago.

I mused how funny it was that all of this could happen and the knock on effects into my real life could manifest so severly in such a short space of time. Yet it was taking so long to find the bloody thread.

Then I got to thinking about when all of this happened - around five.

But my alarm only got me up at eight.

Ah.

I managed to dream the whole thing so realistically I was incensed with someone about something they hadn't done, to the point that I nearly did a lot of damage.

I'm petrifyied that I almost did something so damaging and so universally stupid. I just felt the need to say that I almost did it and say that I'm almost very sorry for the thing I almost did.


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Unfit (Sep 13, 2003)
Just played a game of badmington.

First excersise I've managed since the end of semester 2 uni. (All the societies shut down and people were too busy to play games)

My god I'm unfit. I feel dizzy and knackered after just 4 games. Four games against a player who has decades more experience than me and that I have never beated. Still - thats really bad.

I don't want to go get fit, thats taking things too far - I justy think its time for me to become un-un-fit.
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(7 replies, Latest reply: Sep 16, 2003)

Askh2g2m2 (Aug 16, 2003)
I've just set up askh2g2mark2 on A1146917. I did it because I've been listening to people whinge and doing enough whinging of my own about how ask is now so full of word games and nonsense its impossible to have a decent conversation.

This is just me trying to find a solution to a problem which is way to big for me but dammit I'll do it anyway because thats the type of person I am. (Thickheaded)

Still I urge you (whomever you may be) to go and take a look and post something there if it takes your fancy.
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(2 replies, Latest reply: Aug 25, 2003)

What happened here last night? (Aug 15, 2003)
Why is there a glass and a truely massive (yet empty) bottle of wine on the floor? What hapened to the broadband modem? Why is this check for £147 still here? Who damaged my phb? Why is (someone elses) copy of h2g2 sitting on the floor complete with footprints? And why (oh why oh why) is there a bra on my mousemat? And whos is it?

I just got up. Made a few posts. Still trying to get my warped mind to tell me exactly what happened last night. I'll get it in a few hours. I'm always a bit slow in the mornings
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(5 replies, Latest reply: Aug 15, 2003)

Based on a true story (Aug 10, 2003)
Once upon a time there was a princess. She couldn’t sleep, she had tried everything but to no avail. Well, she though, if I can’t sleep I may as well do something usefull. So she contacted her friend capin’ Jack:
“Arr”
“Good sir, do you want to go and aquire some treasure in a gentlemanly manner?”
“Arr! Aharr”
“An old suitor of mine told me that he had to leave some treaure to be found in the catacombs, under the pirate haven, that we visited last month”
“Arr, but is not thar caves guarded by…the evil eye of orms by gore!”
“Oh he told me how to get past the evil eye of orms by gore”
“Aharr! Lets be going then”
So off they went, travelling towards the secret entrance to the catacombs. While they were surrounded by outcroppings behind which a guardian could easily hide they trusted to her eyes and his ears that they would not be discovered. The enterance took some forcing to open, but eventually despute years of rust (which had somehow built up since they were there a month or so ago) it came open. They peered into the blackness,
“Should we not shut the door behind us, the guardians could find it”
“Its too damn heavy and my fingers hurt”
“Arr mine too”
And so they forged ahead into the catacombs, the moss growing on the walls emitting an eerie light, they clambered through the vertical stalagtmites which infested the catacombs until they came across their first obstacle. A vast lake.
“Oh dear, its big and wet, we shall have to turn back!”
“Arr, never! I want that treasure, look ‘tis only a few inches deep – we can walk across”
“oh”
And so they walked across the vast, yet very very shallow lake and continued into the catacombs until they came to the dreaded tunnel of the evil eye of orms by gore
“Arr, if the evil eye of orms by gore sees us the guardians will come”
“I do belive that they live very nearby, we shall have to be carefull”
“Arr Aharr, I will find it!”
“Don’t be ridiculous you don’t know what your doing, just stay out of the way”
And so Jack watched as the princess edged along the wall looking for the evil eye of orms by gore. Suddenly she stopped and pointed. The evil eye of orms by gore was resting above the left hand wall, its green veins indiating that our intrepid adventurers had not been seen.
“Follow me”
And so the princess lead the way, on her hands and knees under the evil eye of orms by gore’s vision. She slipped between the stalagmites with ease. Captin’ Jack followed with much more difficulty, having been skipping on proper food and excersise as a result of spending the last year in the pirate haven. Eventually they were passed, and they looked up with baited breath, the evil eye of orms by gore was still green. They had defeated the guardian.
And so they continued, deeper into the catacombs. Breifly they thought they were lost, but they found that some kindly traveller had etched a map into the cave wall and they were back on track. Until finally they came upon the area where the princesses old suitor had concealed the treasure.
“He said they were around here somewhere, lets get looking”
And so they searched and searched and searched, but to no avail. The treasure was nowhere to be seen. The princess found the trappings of the architechts who constructed these caverns and thought the treasure lost to them. Still they searched, then they sat down to rest, the princess noticing Jacks lantern asked about it
“I say, you do appear to have brought a lantern”
“Arr! We needed one last time and we didn’t have it”
“Well why didn’t you tell em about it”
“Aharr! I’ve been using it for the past hour – how did you not notice”
“That’s it! I’m sending a homing pidgeon to my old suitor to see if he can tell us where it is”
“Haar! You think a pidgeon can navigate these here tunnels?”
“Look, mine can – but it has no pidgeon food, so it seems we are lost”
“Aharr, did ye not know you can use plastic as pidgeon food”
“I can! Why I say it worked, the pidgeon is going”
And so they waited for the pidgeon to return, and waited, and waited. But the pidgeon did not return.
“Damn, my ex suitor must be asleep! Oh well we’ll have to come back later”
“D’arr”
And so they left dedjectedally. But on the way home they found a wondering merchant. And they traded him shiny things for minstrels. And they ate the minstrels and there was much rejoicing. And they got home and went to bed.

And they lived happily ever after.

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(21 replies, Latest reply: Aug 14, 2003)

An illusion doubly so (Aug 5, 2003)
This lunchtime I sat down and had fish&chips in a reputable sounding establishment 'Mr Chip' Having consumed my fish I felt I couldn't finish my chips. I turn to the lady next to me:
"Excuse me"
"Yes"
"I have some chips here that I don't want - do you want them?"
"What?"
"I can't eat any more chips, you can have them if you want, otherwise I'll throw them away"
"I beg your pardon!"
"You can have these chips, for no money, if you want them"
"Never talk to anyone like that again"
[I sigh say my apologies throw the chips away and leave]
"What did he say?"
"He said he'd throw my chips away if I did't give him some money"
...
Is it that hard to belive that someone would give something away in this day and age? Is it more common for people to wonder around chip shops threatening to throw peoples food away if they don't pay them?
I dispair.

Then I find a shop selling sweets at wholesale prices - £5 and a full bag later my faith in the world is reestablished.

Funny time, lunchtime.
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(27 replies, Latest reply: Aug 14, 2003)

So close yet so far (Aug 3, 2003)
Rats that nearly got me to the top of the longest postings list. I'm on it regularly, but I have never managed the top spot to my knowlage. Since I would have to get another 1000 words on average I think I'll have to make do with second and sabotage my chances of getting beyond that with this diddy-post (tm)
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(6 replies, Latest reply: Aug 14, 2003)

Trip to london (Aug 3, 2003)
Nah not the meet. I was there, but I was also offline for at least a month afterwards so I forgot what happened before I got to my journal. I have vauge recollections of getting a pen and a t-shirt, having someone try to take my clothes off, meeting a someone who looked like a nice guy and turned out to be a nutter and Zagreb, who looks like a nutter but turned out to be a nice guy :P also I played more sports than I have done in years and tried to assasinate paper amy (but fortunately nobody noticed) However my memory is poor at the best of times and I think I may have repressed much of it.

The trip I'm talking about was to see Farrah & Matt for their engagement party. Things started badly as virgin cancelled my train...and the one after...and the one after that...and the one after that. Finally on the fifth train I was on my way. Fortunately I had planned to be several hours early (As I didn't trust the public transport system) so I only ended up being an hour or so late.

It was worth it though! I hadn't seen Farrah in nearly long enough and I had a great time catching up. I also got to meet their (Farrah&Matts) friends from back home, which was fun. I was in the unusual situation whereby I liked everyone I met & they seemd to tolerate me. Normally I end up fighting with at least *one* person - but all was well for once

I found people playing table tennis, but since they seemed to be having an easy time of it instigated a new game wherby people end up running round the table. From there it evolved so that the bats were thrown rather than passed between players and obstacles were positioned to make running more hazordus. I'm one of these people who should not be allowed to have a hand in organising *anything*

I like chaos > : )*

The only problem was that I kept running into people who claimed to have met me before (Some up to five times) whom I really didn't recognise - I knew who they were after talking for a bit, but I really do need to develop some facility for memorising names and/or faces. Still nobody took offence, most people who meet me notice the state of my mind quite quickly and realise it isn't personal.

I said I liked everyone and I did - but there were some people I liked a *lot* namely Mark and Chrissy and someone whos name I've forgotten and face I can just about call to mind who will hereafter be reffered to as Bob. Mark&Bob challanged my views on religion, theres nothing I like more than getting into a good theological debate at a party They had some interesting views and have given me a lot to think about. I may even be forced to admit that the mind is a seperate entity to the body, but I won't be pushed into thinking that this doesn't mean I can't manufacture one. I had what we thought was an interesting discussion on some points of psychology (concerning the theory of mind) with Chrissy. Then we looked up and realised that we had reduced a group of 6 to a group of 2 with our discussion, ah well we had fun. All this and running off along the usual tangents of temporal inaccuracies and inverting people. Followed by several games, incliding the animal game in which 'rabbit' learned my name as 'squirrel' and couldn't remeber my real name. I don't mind, I've returned the favor.

That was the first four hours or so. I was then asked to sleep with all the blokes in Matts living room+, but declined. This was because I have been told I argue with myself in my sleep. I can't ascertain whether this is true or not because I'm normally asleep at the time. I guess I will have to leave the penguin on record.

The morning after the night before I was grumpy and had a headache. I know what your thinking, but I don't drink. The problem was that as someone who is used to rising when the clock reads 'pm' I was agrovated at being woken when it reads 'am' not only that but it was SINGLE-DIGIT AM. > : ( ) I resolved to glare at everyone until it was at least 10. I told them so, as such there was a 10 second count down at 9:59:50. After which I bounded out of my chair and hastened the organisation of our trip to the natural history museum.

The NHM was all very exciting. Nice to see adults pushing kids out of the way to play with the toys Farrah also found the source of my relationship problems:
Machine "Press the button lightly, feel the vibrations and decided whether it is a fly or another spider"
Greg "Fly"
Machine "It was a mate, if you eat your mate then all of their courting was wasted"
Farrah "Thats it! You can't tell the difference between women and food"
Well then, problem solved. Content with my new knowladge of the world of food vs mates we wondered back to Farrahs house where I managed to convince someone they had the wrong number bay ansering their phone in my best office voice "hello, said residence this is gregory carslaw speaking how may I direct your call" It turned out to be Farrahs sisters boyfriend who was currently in the doghouse. Ahh well, mebbe its not such a bad thing not to be in a relationship right now. Got more of a chance to catch up and was fed (always a bonus for a student)

Finally we went out to a plub. This was a real downside, I had enjoyed myself so thourghly that I thought nothing could make me regret going. I was right of course, I always am but only just. Let me explain, that wasn't I typeover a bit back I meant plub. It is a new, high-uka`, word I have created. It describes the sort of place that has all of the drawbacks of a pub and all of the drawbacks of a club combined with the benefits of neither. There was nowhere to sit, the music (I am told) was abysmal - certainly it was lound enough people were yelling into each others ears, it was boring and as a t-totaler I couldn't even try to sedate myself. They also searched my bag for weapons - good thing I decided against the katana. As usual I was IDed as usual I had no ID as usual they let me in anyway. They made me promise I would being ID next time, this I gladly did since I would sooner shoot myself in the head with a HMG loaded with .50 DU rounds~ than go back there. The whole experinece has left me more traumatised than Rocky horror did and has done irrepairable damage to peoples attempts to make me go clubbing.

Still the evening was saved, I went back with Chrissy, Farrah and Matt all of whos company I enojoy immensly. Again discussing vaugly implausable but nonetheless interesting ideas culminating in a civilisation emerging from under a carpark with a more advanced space program than ours. Spent the evening with Farrah and came back here in the morning (Virgin redirected my train again making it take an extra hour to get back)

Still even with the trains and the plub it has been one of the most enjoyable experiences of my recent life and I fully intend to repeat it when I get the chance.

* [Since h2g2 has taken a dislike to my arachnic smilies, converting just parts of them, I am having to space the characters out]
+ [No not like that, dirty minds, I dunno]
`uka - a word me and Andrew made up to finish a game of scrabble. "The finetic pleasingness of made up words, e.g. Fantabulous can be said to have high-uka or good uka whereas gnjidnhgtrhgjnewjhgjiernmkdngji has bad uka"
~If you want some idea of how bad that is .50 is a big calibre bullet HMG stands for 'heavy machine gun' and DU stand for 'Depleated Uranium' Don't like pubs, don't like clubs HATE plubs.
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(7 replies, Latest reply: Aug 7, 2003)

I aintnt dead (Jul 24, 2003)
Much to the disapointment of anyone I've had the misfortune to meet -Im back online (at last). Now with added broadband
Ach all my conversations have been dead at least a week. Oh well time to rebuild.
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(222 replies, Latest reply: Aug 16, 2003)