It's goodnight from me... (Feb 15, 2004)
Woo-hoo!
The Two Ronnies are making a comeback -> http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/tv_and_radio/3489657.stm
Oberon2001
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(12 replies, Latest reply: Mar 12, 2004)

The Simpsons (Jan 25, 2004)
In dire need of an update -> A362260
Any volunteers to help me?
Oberon2001
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(2 replies, Latest reply: Jan 31, 2004)

Some Questions (Oct 26, 2003)
Here's a few questions that have been buzzing around my mind recently. Answers on a postcard please

1. If the 'new' Labour Government wants to get 50% of all school leavers into University, how many sixth formers would that take? 70%? 80%? Are there even that many that want to go to university? There are quite a few that simply don't feel university is for them and want to get out into the real world.

2. In the past 6 years there have been a number of military conflicts fought by the British (at least in part). Has 'new' Labour done the unthinkable and fought more military conflicts in 6 years than the Tories managed to do in 18 years?

3. Should a new tax bracket be introduced (along with a move of the 40% tax threshold) to tax the really rich (who can afford it)? This would generate more revenue and improve the country, shurely?

4. Should NHS funding be linked to the number of beds a hospital has? This would stop managers arguing they need to cut the number of beds to save money, whilst really increasing the amount of beaurucrats.

... I really should get out more.

Oberon2001

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(3 replies, Latest reply: Nov 2, 2003)

I think I'm gonna get egged for this... (May 18, 2003)
The Met Police have today announced a great, fantastic, brilliant idea for tackling the problem of being institutionally racist. They are going to be... racist!

It's a brilliant idea to pay bobbies money for every ethnic minority that they encourage to join the police force. Naturally, they'll also be paid for every person from an ethnic majority that they recr...

*whisper off-stage*

What, they won't? Oh... but isn't that a bit... You know. Oh right, it's ok to discriminate against majorities but not minorities. I see.

On a similar note, both the LibDems and Labour have introduced all-women shortlists when electing who should stand for them in Parliamentry elections. But it's ok, it aims to 'redress the balance' (their words, not mine) and after all it discriminates against men, not women, so that's all right then.

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(25 replies, Latest reply: May 27, 2003)

How things change... (May 13, 2003)
An address by the Rt Git Iain Duncan-Smith MP, alleged leader of the Opposition.

"Ah-hem! *cough* Yes, if I could have your attention please. Yes, you at the back. I don't care if it is stuck, stop playing with it!

Some of you may have noticed that the Tories have decided to abolish tutition fees and top-up fees... wait, no definitely the Tories. Hmm, that's strange. And, yes, and Labour are supporting them...?

Are you sure about this? Shouldn't it be the other way round? No? Oh.

*cough* This shows how the Tories are fundamentally different to the Labour Party. They nick our policies, we come out against them. Look forward to our policy of nationalising the railways, gas, power, water, etc and the privatisation of John Prescott."

Cue rapturous applause (by Micheal Portillo, who can spot an oppurtunity to become leader a mile off) and general bewilderment from everyone else.

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(6 replies, Latest reply: May 14, 2003)

Results just in... (May 2, 2003)
30th June 2003

Results are just in from the Tory Leadership contenst.
5. Micheal Howard, running on his infamous, "vote for me, I'm running out of time" manifesto.
4. Ann Widecomber, who you will all remember shed 500 pounds so she could prove that the dispatch box could handle her weight.
3. Micheal Portillo, the owner, you will no doubt recall, of Pig Airways.
2. David Davis, who seems to be carving something into the winner's back.
1. Tony Blair, who decided that his policies would best suit a Tory Party anyway.

but it had to be done.

Well done to the LibDems, who achieved 30% of the vote and are now resembling a credible opposition in the public eye and of course to the Tory Party, who got through on their "A vote for us isn't a vote for Labour" manifesto... and one very annoying advert that was seemingly always on the BBC.

A special mention must go to the town on Burnley, for giving BNP a chance. I look forward to you implosion in this seasons race riots.
Oberon2001
PS. A special prize to whoever can name all the members of the British Cabinet (titles only needed)
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(3 replies, Latest reply: May 3, 2003)

Richard and Judy (Apr 1, 2003)
Now then, whilst I have the utmost respect for these two journalists (read into that sentence what you will), I have to give them kudos for todays programme, and wish to share it with a wider audience (once again, read into that what you will, audience share, *cough*, audience share! ).
R&J introduced to the two viewers a device that could translate any sentence into another language called Babylon (ah! similiar name to Babel Fish, but anyway). The person who designed it came on air, discussed the 10 or so years he had put into to it, starting off with a uni thesis. They demonstrated said machine extensively, it was even able to translate the sentence in your own voice, very impressive. They even discussed how Sony and Panasonic were trying to nick the idea before he patented it.
Finally, they translated one last sentence...
It was an April Fools!
Like I said, Kudos, Kudos...
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Blair "Surprised" (Mar 16, 2003)
Monday 17th March 2003 (Reuters)
The Right Honourable Tony Blair, Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, expressed "surprise" today after reports suggested that the United Nations does exist.
It is understood that a "conscience" managed to find it's way into 10 Downing Street, setting off alarms throughout Westminister. After being apprehended by the police, it was revealed that the conscience and Mr Blair were involved in a 41-year relationship, which only ended when Mr Blair became leader of the Labour Party. The conscience is believed to have told Mr Blair about the UN just before being captured. The Prime Minister was rushed to hospital with shock, but later made a statement in which he told of his surprise that such an entity could exist.
Alistar Campbell, the PM's official spokesman, had this to say, "Thankfully it was just a false alarm and calls to Mr Bush and Mr Anzar have confirmed that the UN doesn't exist. Just like a politician's integrity, it's all a hoax."
The bombing starts in 24 hours and the legal proceedings against the Government in 25.
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(4 replies, Latest reply: May 18, 2003)

Newsflash (Mar 2, 2003)
Monday 31st March 2003

In response to Hans Blix's devasting report to the UN, which concluded that Iraq has no Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD), but the US and UK almost certainly sold them to Iraq, so where have they gone?, a joint US and UK task force has been sent to Iraq, resulting in heavy civilain and military casualties.
50% of the US public, outraged at the huge loss of human life, marches on Washington. President Bush, seeing the amount of people that oppose him, decides to take the only course of action he can against people that oppose US policy.
He bombs them... To f k.
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(12 replies, Latest reply: Mar 7, 2003)

The Hypocrite Awards (Feb 12, 2003)
Full marks to The Sun, who this week printed an expose on the evil, dirty and frankly perverted mind behind Tatu. The interview with the man credited with Tatu video was secretly fixated with Julie, one half of the pop duo, and wanted her to fulfil his "twisted" lesbian fantasies.
Naturally, the article had plenty of pictures of the girls in states of undress and stills from their video, but that was all in the name of good journalism. So was the series of pictures printed only the week before in The Sun's Bizarre Column which also featured the girls in various homo-erotic poses.
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Blair's relationship with spin and the War on Terror (Dec 27, 2002)
Hello everyone, one and all!
I'm doing a research project on "Blair's relationship with spin and the War on Terror" and I was just wondering if anyone could help me out? Nothing big, just little snippets that you might know or read about or URLs even!
Hoo-hum, look forward to the replys (if there are any!)
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(4 replies, Latest reply: Jan 10, 2003)

Another Rant... (Dec 14, 2002)
I don't know! Anybody seen what Krusty the Clown (aka Cherie Blair) has been up to recently?
Really? You have? What a coincidence! So have I!
Now don't worry, this isn't going to be a rant against Cherie because she is the PM's wife. No, there's far more material in having a go at her for being a judge.
Let me put things into perspective for you. Around 2/3 weeks ago, senior judges awarded themselve exclusive powers to set the tarrif's for life sentences (previously the Home Secretary was the one to do this, based on the recommendations of the trial judge and experts). They did this on the pretext that they were more morally independant and better judges of character than politicians, who might be easily persuaded to set longer tarrifs based on the views of the public.
Whilst this might well be true (let's face it, it is), surely a judge, no matter how lowly they are, and Cherie is lowly, who shows they are not morally independant and good judges of character should either -
a) Step down as a judge (it's virtually impossible to sack a judge)
b) Face disiplinary action (and I'll be honest, this is RARE with a capital "Tony and Cherie met in the Lord Chancellor's old chambers"

Anyway, just wanted to juxtapose the current furore over Cherie with that case (and there are dozens of cases like that which reach the same conclusions about judges).
Cheerio!
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(3 replies, Latest reply: Dec 16, 2002)

The Daily Rant... (Dec 3, 2002)
Do you know what I love about the world today. That a US President, who didn't recieve the most votes at the last election, and a PM, voted in with the lowest voter turnout in 100 years, can launch a war against two (not one) countries in the name of peace. I would like to point out that one of them is a Labour man, technically.
Let's also bear in mind that Bush is going to war with Iraq, a place he can't even find on the map!
What possible justification do they have? "Weapons of Mass Destruction". Am I the only one thinking, "weren't we the ones that invented these weapons?"
Oberon2001
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No-one to ACE! (Nov 19, 2002)
Argh! I've got no-one to ACE!
All new users in the past 12 weeks have been ACEd (new to h2g2, that is). On the one hand I should congratulate all the ACEs on doing such a great job, but on the other, what else am I to do? Sports? Work? Noooooooooo!!!!!
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Children in Need. (Nov 15, 2002)
Is there a reason people are subjected to this nightmare. Some have likened it to watching your dad dance at weddings. I can think of a better analogy... Guantanumo Bay.
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Thinking of good guide entries... (Oct 21, 2002)
You're walking along the street and you see, i don't know, the tiny signs on lampposts and you think, "that would make an excellent guide entry". I guareentee you (note - this is not a guareentee) that, unless you have written it down, the moment you come to the computer you will have forgotten it.
I, however, have found a way around this. Turn your mobile phone into a pda. Any time you think of a good guide entry, save it on your phone. Then, when you come to your desktop, you won't forget it! Simple.
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Timing-out (Oct 18, 2002)
What is the real reason internet connections 'time-out', cos it's really getting on my Alan Wick. Especially when researching something, cos just as you're about to find that vital piece of information, the connection times out. grrr
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Why are we obsessed with time? (Oct 9, 2002)
In the UK we all seem to be obsessed with time... 'when's our next meeting?' what time's dinner?' 'how long before we leave?'. Why? In Spain and Italy and such, they take a much more relaxed view, surely we could follow suit?
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