Journal for Researcher193430 New Werekitty
(May 6, 2004)
U719056 - the new, zero backlog werekitty. I can be online as often as I used to be, but not for as long. So the /massive/ backlog takes way too long to unsubscribe from and sort out (teach me for subscribing to /everything/.... I'm really sorry I haven't been on for so long and so sporadically. And I'm not ignoring you Ralph   Congratulations on the Terranic Army rulership Creachy *wonders how he managed /that/* And big for everyone else.Click here to discuss this (74 replies, Latest reply: Feb 9, 2005) Snuff It... Issue One (Apr 1, 2004)  (www.churchofeuthanasia.org/)Snuff It #1 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Welcome Greetings, dear reader, and welcome to the first issue of Snuff It, the quarterly magazine of the Church of Euthanasia. Just in case you're not already a member of the church, I'll take this opportunity to explain our theology. The church has four core principles, or "pillars", and they are (drum roll please) suicide, abortion, cannibalism, and sodomy. Now, you may ask yourself, why do we support these things? What do they all have in common? Yes, of course they're all good fun, but the real answer is that they all help reduce the population. An article that appeared in the Boston Globe on March 5 revealed that the world's population, currently 5.7 billion, will reach 8 billion by the year 2020. Undersecretary of state Timothy Wirth was quoted as saying that two billion people don't get enough to eat, and another 500 million go to bed hungry. "Over the next 35 to 40 years, we need to triple the amount of food in the world," Wirth said. "But there's no more arable land, and the water supply isn't growing." The scientific consensus is that if the world's population continues to increase at its current rate, and if the industrial nations, particularly the United States, continue to blindly exhaust and pollute the planet to feed their limitless economic growth, the Earth's ecosystem will gradually collapse, causing famine, disease and war on an unimaginable scale. With these prospects, suicide will become an increasingly sane, heroic, and even fashionable alternative. Since Americans consume and pollute so much more than everyone else, it seems logical that we should be the first to go. Every imaginable resource is extracted from the Earth by slave labor, and transported to our shopping malls so that we can live in luxury. Our media provides us with constant diversion, while insulating us from any responsibility for our ecosystem. We are thoroughly indoctrinated and believe we are highly civilized. Apparently we measure civilization by how far away we can transport our dung. Why do we hate our dung so? In an earlier period of history many of us feared our species would be destroyed by nuclear war. In 1948, a zoologist named Fairfield Osborn correctly predicted that the primary threat to our species was topsoil depletion. He calculated that two and one-half acres of average topsoil are required to sustain one human, and further observed that if our planet's less than four billion acres of topsoil were divided by our population of two billion at most two acres were available. In the subsequent period we have permitted our population to more than double. Our rate of topsoil erosion continues to increase, and we are rapidly contaminating what remains with toxic chemicals. Already entire nations have become uninhabitable deserts. Their populations flee, or are left kill each other and die of starvation, as recent events in Somalia and Ethiopia illustrate. It is truly ironic that the earliest known human remains have been discovered in Ethiopia. To look at Ethiopia today is to look at our future. Our species faces extinction. What, dear reader, can YOU do? Well, first of all, you can KEEP READING, and second, you can JOIN the Church of Euthanasia! Be part of the solution! Write to us! Send us articles! Send us MONEY! Until next time... SNUFF IT is the quarterly publication of the Church of Euthanasia, a not-for-profit corporation chartered in the state of Delaware. Box 261, Somerville, MA 02143. Editor: Chris Korda. Click here to discuss this (40 replies, Latest reply: Apr 6, 2004) Shunned (Mar 14, 2004) An advert for the Creation Station in business language (with lots of shun noises). We are the creation station of the revolution solution, a fusion of the contusion of confusion. This citation's creation's original situation was the confusion station of the creation station. Your contention is over comprehension or your tongue's contusions. Am I right or what? (BEWARE BEWARE the gerbil cried As the moth shied from the heat of the flame For those too beautiful are doomed to die So no mortal will know your name) Click here to discuss this (76 replies, Latest reply: Mar 23, 2004) How did you find H2G2? (Jan 3, 2004) How did everyone find this website? I'd like to do a guide entry on everyone's stories. I used to stay late a lot in the art department during my GCSEs.. and there was another girl in upper sixth form who also stayed late. Naturally those two years meant we were worlds apart, but after a good few months we ended up chatting after I complemented her painting. Then she introduced me to H2G2. I don't think I've ever met any of her online buddies. But her name was Insane Endeavor - U113604. Click here to discuss this (49 replies, Latest reply: Mar 22, 2004) badger badger badger (Jan 3, 2004) http://moose.cc/badger/badger.swf Click here to discuss this (21 replies, Latest reply: Jun 26, 2006) Stress Survey (Dec 11, 2003) http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/F107025?thread=356161 Click here to discuss this (2 replies, Latest reply: Dec 12, 2003) One of my more... unusual dreams (Nov 29, 2003) boarding up my old house to defend against a Trex. The TRex buggers off, then I'm standing at the top of the stairs and I can see a reflection of a different one coming towards us, so I yell at the guy on the stairs to run up them; he doesn't understand how I could see it from where I am so he goes downstairs to look out the door despite my yelling (survives)  Then i left the house with someone else and we're being chased by something odd. The being that's sending these things (and the dinosaurs) is a huge eyebal type thing. About the size of six big bells in a ring  (still partially delusional here). I call up to it and then it lets me through it's energy shield to look at it coz I'm curious. It's got swirls and patterns all over it, teeth on the side and an eyeball in the front. Wherever I touch it it makes electricity focus on that area. It's quite beautiful and very intelligent. Then I touch it's eye gently after walking all round it inspecting it and it says something incredible to me, but I can't remember what. Then I see it move, it can climb as fast as it can run, and in can run faster than me. Although I'm fairly sure it doesn't have legs. It's a godlike type thing.  And something/someone is it's child. One of my more imaginitive dreams. But more fun than the one with the giant bee, less disturbing than the one with the four creatures of the apocolypse, and less energetic than the one where the school aquarium leads to the ocean and a giant whale smashes it and scares the crap out of me. Click here to discuss this (57 replies, Latest reply: Jan 12, 2004) Ramblings of the Crab (Nov 27, 2003) http://www.rathergood.com/ramblings.html The Perfect Crime I am weary of my life of drudgery, and have hence resolved to undertake a cunning and dastardly scheme in order to be extremely rich and lazy. I am, in short, going to steal the crown jewels. How, you may ask, do I propose to half-inch these well defended national treasures? Recently I have been spending my spare time in a secret laboratory buried under a field in Cheadle Hume. Here, I have assembled a programme of experiments in the trainage of animals which has enabled me to produce a horde of genetically modified leaf-cutter ants. These will troop undetected to the display cases in the Tower of London, where they will bite small pieces of toughened glass off and carry them away much as they would do with leaves in the wild. When a suitably large hole has been chewed in the defences, my ninjitsu-proficient spider monkey troupe will scratch a hole in the ceiling and, by linking their prehensile tails like hooks, lower one down to pilfer the goodies. While they are in this admittedly vulnerable position of mutual danglage, highly aggressive gibbons will stand guard on the roof. Once the malevolent menagerie have completed their zoological heist, the monkeys will bound back to my high-technology armoured bunker in Bishops Stortford, from whence I will cruise off into the sunset a very rich man. All of these animals will then, or in the event of capture, eat themselves alive from the feet up leaving no evidence for the boys in blue. Click here to discuss this (27 replies, Latest reply: Dec 9, 2003) Oh Delicious Irony! (Nov 27, 2003) They say that once we're technologically advanced enough we'll fight God himself. Guess what? It's believed that the delta of the Tigris and Euphrates at Qurna, Iraq is the site of the Garden of Eden.  Click here to discuss this (126 replies, Latest reply: Jan 12, 2004) american nazi party? (Nov 23, 2003) http://www.americannaziparty.com some people are crazy. Click here to discuss this (60 replies, Latest reply: Nov 26, 2003) a bit from a website I found (Nov 9, 2003) How to Dismantle Your Own Magic 8 Ball The following are step by step instructions for dismantling a Magic Eight Ball. During our own dissection, we learned several helpful things, mostly by discovering the anatomy of the ball. However, if you wish to assess our study on your own, here's how to do it. Necessary Equipment: Hacksaw (or other similar implement of destruction, the smaller the teeth the better) Drill with 1/4" to 1/2" bit Safety Glasses Rubber gloves (optional, but suggested) ! Warning ! - Your Magic Eight ball cannot be reassembled after this procedure is completed. Do not whine or complain in general if your Magic Eight Ball is no longer functional after following these directions. Also, power tools can be dangerous, follow appropriate safety procedures and always wear safety glasses. We are not responsible for personal injury or property damage resulting from following these directions. 1) Place the Magic Eight Ball on its side with the seam facing up. Using the Hacksaw, carefully cut along this seam (Most older balls have a seam into which the blade of a hacksaw fits perfectly). The saw should never enter deeply into the sphere (the blade should remain nearly tangent to the sphere) as the internal cylinder could be accidentally breached (trust me, you want to avoid the mess). 2) Once the sphere has been fully severed, gently seperate the two halves, the cylinder should be thoroughly wedged into one of them. There will also be a stabilization ring that can easily be removed. Wiggle the cylinder loose and set the sphere halves aside. Note: - You can now see all the parts of the Eight Ball. The cyinder will still answer questions, though accuracy may be adversly affected. If you want to remove the answer polyhedron from the cylinder, continue following the directions. ! Warning ! - The magic blue fluid in the cylinder is of unknown origin and makeup. It will definitely dye skin, fabric, plastic, and probably even porceline. You will definately not want to get this stuff on you, it took a week to wear off my hands. Again, we are in no way responsible for destruction of property resulting from following these procedures. 3) Now's the time to put on those safety goggles and rubber gloves. Get the drill ready and lock the cylinder in something sturdy (preferably NOT your hand, wouldn't want to slip and lose a thumb). Carefully drill two holes in through the top of the cylinder, being careful not to go too far past the lens, as damage to the polyhedron could result. Now pour the fluid out, being careful not to let it touch anything you like. Do not taunt the fluid, as it might just kick your ass. 4) There will still be a large amount of fluid in the cylinder, so rinse it out several times. No matter how many times you rinse it, there will still be some fluid trapped in the bubble trap at the bottom of the cylinder, but it's pretty much impossible to get rid of. Once the polyhedron is as clean as it's going to be, use the hacksaw again to cut the lens off the top of the cylinder. 5) Remove the polyhedron from the cylinder. It is made of two interlocking halves that can easily be separated by pulling firmly. You have now completely dismantled the Magic Eight ball. Why, I'm not sure, but there's nothing you can do about it now. Should you ever feel the need to do something like this again, I suggest you seek therapy from a professional. Click here to discuss this (77 replies, Latest reply: Apr 5, 2004) Bush's fate (Oct 31, 2003) From 1840, every president elected in a year ending in the numeral "0" has been assassinated, died in office, or been severely wounded in an attempt on his life. Each event has taken place in an odd numbered year and each on an even numbered day. In each case, the number of terms the president was elected to has alternated between single and multiple (i.e. Harrison 1, Lincoln 2, Garfield 1, Mckinley 2, etc). Ronald Reagan was the first president who did not die because of this "curse." If this pattern continues, the person elected in 2000 will die in 2001 or 2003, or will be wounded in an assassination attempt. We've got two months left *cross fingers* Click here to discuss this (100 replies, Latest reply: Jan 13, 2004) Vogons (Oct 30, 2003) I've just asked to join them A950492 Here's my vogon poem. My own pear, my glomphy pear, my fetid rotten, precious pear. Wherefore art thou named pear my pear? Though I cross a thousand deserts My pear will glomph still. Though the armpit wills it not. My pear will eternally glomph. I found my pear in my armpit, one day. When lifting my arms to change a lightbulb. The pear fell to the ground from my armpit. It fell, and glomphed, and glompheth there still. My fetid rotten glomphy pear, My precious pear, My armpit pear. Click here to discuss this (73 replies, Latest reply: Nov 13, 2003) Stand and Deliver text - For personal reference (Oct 27, 2003) STAND AND DELIVER!! Your money or your life! (this highwayperson will unsubscribe directly after posting. To find out more please visit A1923248) Click here to discuss this (68 replies, Latest reply: Nov 3, 2003) Animal Signs - The Year of the Water Goat (Oct 6, 2003) It's quite cool. I'm a Fire Tiger. Bet no-ones got as cool a sign as that. Unless they were born in 1986 in which case they will have... 20th Century Year Sign 1901 Metal Ox 1902 Water Tiger 1903 Water Rabbit 1904 Wood Dragon 1905 Wood Snake 1906 Fire Horse 1907 Fire Goat 1908 Earth Monkey 1909 Earth Rooster 1910 Metal Dog 1911 Metal Pig 1912 Water Rat 1913 Water Ox 1914 Wood Tiger 1915 Wood Rabbit 1916 Fire Dragon 1917 Fire Snake 1918 Earth Horse 1919 Earth Goat 1920 Metal Monkey 1921 Metal Rooster 1922 Water Dog 1923 Water Pig 1924 Wood Rat 1925 Wood Ox Year Sign 1926 Fire Tiger 1927 Fire Rabbit 1928 Earth Dragon 1929 Earth Snake 1930 Metal Horse 1931 Metal Goat 1932 Water Monkey 1933 Water Rooster 1934 Wood Dog 1935 Wood Pig 1936 Fire Rat 1937 Fire Ox 1938 Earth Tiger 1939 Earth Rabbit 1940 Metal Dragon 1941 Metal Snake 1942 Water Horse 1943 Water Goat 1944 Wood Monkey 1945 Wood Rooster 1946 Fire Dog 1947 Fire Pig 1948 Earth Rat 1949 Earth Ox 1950 Metal Tiger Year Sign 1951 Metal Rabbit 1952 Water Dragon 1953 Water Snake 1954 Wood Horse 1955 Wood Goat 1956 Fire Monkey 1957 Fire Rooster 1958 Earth Dog 1959 Earth Pig 1960 Metal Rat 1961 Metal Ox 1962 Water Tiger 1963 Water Rabbit 1964 Wood Dragon 1965 Wood Snake 1966 Fire Horse 1967 Fire Goat 1968 Earth Monkey 1969 Earth Rooster 1970 Metal Dog 1971 Metal Pig 1972 Water Rat 1973 Water Ox 1974 Wood Tiger 1975 Wood Rabbit Year Sign 1976 Fire Dragon 1977 Fire Snake 1978 Earth Horse 1979 Earth Goat 1980 Metal Monkey 1981 Metal Rooster 1982 Water Dog 1983 Water Pig 1984 Wood Rat 1985 Wood Ox 1986 Fire Tiger 1987 Fire Rabbit 1988 Earth Dragon 1989 Earth Snake 1990 Metal Horse 1991 Metal Goat 1992 Water Monkey 1993 Water Rooster 1994 Wood Dog 1995 Wood Pig 1996 Fire Rat 1997 Fire Ox 1998 Earth Tiger 1999 Earth Rabbit 2000 Metal Dragon Year Sign 2001 Metal Snake 2002 Water Horse 2003 Water Goat 2004 Wood Monkey 2005 Wood Rooster 2006 Fire Dog 2007 Fire Pig 2008 Earth Rat 2009 Earth Ox 2010 Metal Tiger 2011 Metal Rabbit 2012 Water Dragon 2013 Water Snake 2014 Wood Horse 2015 Wood Goat 2016 Fire Monkey 2017 Fire Rooster 2018 Earth Dog 2019 Earth Pig 2020 Metal Rat 2021 Metal Ox 2022 Water Tiger 2023 Water Rabbit 2024 Wood Dragon 2025 Wood Snake Year Sign 2026 Fire Horse 2027 Fire Goat 2028 Earth Monkey 2029 Earth Rooster 2030 Metal Dog 2031 Metal Pig 2032 Water Rat 2033 Water Ox 2034 Wood Tiger 2035 Wood Rabbit 2036 Fire Dragon 2037 Fire Snake 2038 Earth Horse 2039 Earth Goat 2040 Metal Monkey 2041 Metal Rooster 2042 Water Dog 2043 Water Pig 2044 Wood Rat 2045 Wood Ox 2046 Fire Tiger 2047 Fire Rabbit 2048 Earth Dragon 2049 Earth Snake 2050 Metal Horse Click here to discuss this (402 replies, Latest reply: Nov 19, 2003) It's so PRETTY! (Sep 20, 2003) *admires her row upon row of neatly answered backlog* Click here to discuss this (33 replies, Latest reply: Nov 3, 2003) Go to the eating under David Blain's box meet! (Sep 19, 2003) http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/class...F86572?thread=318975&skip=0&show=20 Click here to discuss this ( 1 reply, Latest reply: Sep 22, 2003) Post Inquisitor? (Sep 14, 2003) Awix from the post emailed me yesterday asking if I wanted to be on the, hell this is what he sent me; You don't know me, but i'm one of the people who do the Hootoo Post. we do a feature called Mr Inquisitor where each week a different member of the community gets asked questions, gets to plug what they're interested in, etc, etc. We've just done Psycorp and he suggested you might be interested in being the subject of a future edition. We'd be terribly grateful if you said yes... cheerio awix (thanks Psycorp) I said yes. But what exactly is it? Click here to discuss this (101 replies, Latest reply: Oct 9, 2003) Friend's fan fic personal note - unsubscribe (Sep 12, 2003) http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1284273 Click here to discuss this (33 replies, Latest reply: Sep 22, 2003) I am officially the hootooer with the most time on their hands in the last 24 hours (Sep 6, 2003) Whooo! Researchers with the Most Postings in 24 Hours Werekitty AKA Darth Velte BEHOLD THE RALPH THE WONDER LLAMA FANCLUB A1163800 (best guide ml I've ever done) (487 posts, average size 108) crazyhorse (259 posts, average size 47) AK nonexistent (216 posts, average size 77) Jodan - Mining 42 - Proud Miner, Polisher and Assistant Editor for the NEW UnderGuide (212 posts, average size 111) Wøñkø †hë {Îñ}§åñë {ÊxÞlðšïvè §mìlëýš å† A1154125!!!, §îègè WërèhÿÐrå ƒør Þûrþôšè ðƒ †hîñgì†è/†ërràñîç Årmµ Wár} (177 posts, average size 62) AngelicWitch.*ACE*.MaRc Is Gr8!!xXx (134 posts, average size 92) Dr Anthea (werekitten, Ace)(currently with pink hair) (123 posts, average size 55) What is rule one? -- Wereblacktiger -- Assassin Commodore - Thingite Minister of the First Rule - Keeper of Rule One (103 posts, average size 92) INTERN(ACE/Post reporter)Good boy`s go to heaven Bad boy`s go every where (102 posts, average size 62) Atari The non-plagiarizing grounded ostrich: the un-learn'ed and tense (Non-Guru and Warspork) (90 posts, average size 53) Click here to discuss this (116 replies, Latest reply: Oct 2, 2003) Werekitty Moving Lair..... again? (Sep 4, 2003) We are moving down to Cambridge!  I didn't like it up North that much... there's a distinct difference. Click here to discuss this (31 replies, Latest reply: Sep 22, 2003) join the ralph the wonder llama fanclub (Sep 3, 2003) I heard once they said absinthe makes the heart grow fonder. I never understood that. Go here. A1163800 . So say I. Click here to discuss this (11 replies, Latest reply: Sep 22, 2003) what's the name of the big yellow moon? (Aug 28, 2003) At reading festival on one of the nights, the moon was very large, and yellow. What's the name for this, because I need to find a picture of it. Click here to discuss this (110 replies, Latest reply: Sep 22, 2003) Pointless (Aug 27, 2003) Ok. I'm starting a new year. I'm doing a foundation art course. I mean i love art, it's my favourite subject. But I've still got the same problem as last year, and the year before that and the one before that. Why bother? If anyone can give me a reason I'd be mighty grateful. Click here to discuss this (58 replies, Latest reply: Sep 22, 2003) I might be getting a stepsister (Aug 27, 2003)  My mum and her current boyfriend, Patrick, are talking about marriage Patrick already has a daughter so I'll be getting a step sister I've always wanted a sibling  I also want to make the cake. We're thinking of holding it in Wales, so I'm gonna do a pine tree boulders one.  Click here to discuss this (44 replies, Latest reply: Sep 24, 2003) | ||