|4. All About h2g2 / All About h2g2 / h2g2 Information / Smileys|
Whether it is one for the teacher or a fruit for Eve to tempt Adam, the apple is the most familiar of fruits.
Our American cousins might think the h2g2 burger is a bit squat, but there's nothing to stop you having two. Or three. Or four. Hell, you can have as many as you like, so stop complaining and pile 'em high!
Cake is a staple food. You can have anything from carrot cake to chocolate cake, but the best thing about cake is sharing it. Find a virtual cake-addicted friend and swap samples - and for the ultimate in realism, eat real cake while doing it. Yum!
A nice big wedge of Emmental. Or is it?
If you're feeling like treating yourself, or a friend, to something a little more decadent, then maybe an item from our luxury desert trolley may be of interest. Here we find the droolworthy cheesecake. HANDS OFF! It's mine! Mmmm...
This needs no introduction. Honestly. If it ever gets to the stage where we need to explain the universal appeal that chocolate has to most of the population of this planet, we'll probably pack up and go home, because life will suddenly have become way too weird. Mmmmm, yum!
Corn on the Cob
Mmmm, corn on the cob with melted butter. It's a delight to eat, with only two drawbacks. One, it leaves lots of little bits of corn stuck between your teeth, which can be a real tongue-twister to get rid of. And two, it makes your beard smell like a dairy. Shave first...
In America, these little crunchable items are known as potato chips, but we prefer to call them crisps. See how many you can fit into your mouth in one go before the flavour hits and your eyes begin to water...
Everyone likes cup cakes, except for those who don't like them. Some people like the cherry on top, some people like to eat the icing first, and some people like to lick the paper really, really clean. It takes all sorts, obviously, though we're a little concerned about the paper-lickers...
Before all you UK purists complain that 'donut' is spelled 'doughnut' in the Queen's English, we'd like to say that we like the way our cousins from over the pond spell it. And we like the pink icing too. So there.
The h2g2 flan is a celebration of one of the staples of slapstick comedy - the custard pie in the face. We prefer flans because they normally have stickier layers (like jam) that are a pig to get out of your hair, and that's important when you're throwing things at people.
It's the original fast food, first discovered when a fresh chicken's egg was accidentally dropped on the pavement on a hot day. Now, people the world over have them for breakfast; some of them even make the effort of picking the fried egg off the floor and putting it on a plate - crazy!
Some dubious vendors manage to peddle hot dogs that consist of unspecified meat, heinous mustard and rolls that make suet pudding look tasty, but the h2g2 hot dog is a beaut. Get stuck in - and may we recommend the chilli sauce? Absolutely delicious!
Ain't choice great? Consider popcorn - you can get it in two great flavours! You can get sweet popcorn for those who like sweet things, and salty for those who like salty things. If there's a better personification for rocking in the free world, we have yet to find it. Go popcorn!
A great delicacy in the north of England, the pork pie is a legend in its own lunchtime. Consisting of a big manly pastry crust and a big slab of meat in the middle with some weird jelly substance around it, it's a real treat for those summer picnics. Just don't tell us how they make them, okay?
Strawberries and Cream
OK, so it's not essential to eat strawberries with cream, but we're fans of Wimbledon, so as far as we're concerned they go together like h2 and g2. Some people eat them au naturel, some eat them dipped in sugar, and some people even eat them with balsamic vinegar (it brings out the flavour, apparently). But we eat them with cream. So there.
However, if you don't like your strawberries with cream, here's a smiley just for you; a solo strawberry. Hold it by the green stalk, chomp down on the end, and lie back while that deliciously tangy taste percolates round your taste buds. Cream? Well, maybe it's not that essential after all...
The smell of the fairground, the screeches of joy, the loud pumping music and the rather shifty stall owner who seems to think you're going to steal their freakishly malformed stuffed toy the second they turn their back. And the toffee apple of course. Those big globs of sticky-covered fruit that remove fillings better than any dentists. Sheer unadulterated luxury...
Tomatoes have been given a really bad name by medieval stockists, cheap b-movies about vegetable invasions, and yuppies harping on about the delights of sun-drying them. Face reality: tomatoes are great. They've never complained once as we've thrown them, pulverised them and patronised their plans for galactic domination. That's surely worth a round of applause.
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