Updated 8 March 2010

She brought you into the world, nursed you when you were sick, put her life on a silver platter for you... and then every year you forget to get her something for Mother's Day, you git.

We wanted advice on the best ways to go about scoring a direct hit and giving mum a Mother's Day present she really wants. To kick off then, in true h2g2 style, let's hear it from a mother who really doesn't like Mother's Day at all.

Speaking as a mother, I really don't like Mother's Day. The goodnight kiss I get from each child every night is a better present than any purchased card, bunch of flowers , box of chocolates or Mother's Day brunch could ever be. And I don't like to eat my breakfast in bed!

OK, fair enough. In which case then, let's be a bit devious. Or, as the title of the following header proclaims...