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Welcome to this Researcher's Journal. If you'd like to comment on anything they have written here, just click the relevant 'Discuss this Entry' button. Somebody's getting married.
(5 Weeks Ago)
so yesterday afternoon S asked me a rather big important question. I said yes of course.
Obviously it's not happening soon, but he has made a promise that it will happen one day.
I'm a very happy mouse.
here have some muppets, because it made me smile.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZToQxzTQB6c
mini
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(22 replies,
Latest reply: 3 Weeks Ago)
Some happier news.
(Apr 8, 2012)
Well the scout gang show is now over. It was an exhausting week (so much so that I was falling asleep while sitting on the Rostra last night) but i did enjoy being onstage again. All the kids in the show enjoyed themselves, and i hope they are all getting some well deserved rest today.
In other news S and I are thinking of relocating later this year. We are fed up of Dundee and would like a fresh start, so we are looking at places to live back over on the west coast. We haven't decided where yet, but we are looking at Kilmarnock and at Irvine for now.
I have discovered the reason I have been feeling nauseous and sleepy for the past few weeks, and it's nothing to worry about. Other symptoms include extra hormones, needing to pee lots, and tender  's. (and if you figure it out, please keep quiet elsewhere online, some family members don't know yet)
mini
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(21 replies,
Latest reply: Last Week)
feeling decidedly Meh.
(Mar 14, 2012)
I have been feeling a low grade nausea for the last few days.
I'm noticing more and more what is getting harder to see. More and more I find myself using the built in magnifier on the shinymac, in fact i'm using it right now, and cursing it for not following where i'm typing.
I have my Dissertation Project proposal due on Monday, but due to issues with PDF files I havent managed to get past the stage where i try to find evidence to back up my own ideas because if you cant *read* a paper how do you know if it is any use or not? To try and get round this I have today installed a 30 day trial of a programme more suited to dyslexic students in a vain attempt to access the information i need.
I am also getting migraines again, my current (unsupported) theory is that they are caused in part by my brain struggling to make sense of the increasingly fuzzy optical signals.
I find myself listening to audiobooks, rather than reading their paper counterparts. I lose things more easily.
Today I read up on cataract treatment. From what I have read, I will be a difficult case due to my small eye, and pre-existing Glaucoma (amongst other things) this means they will probably will leave it much longer than normal before operating.
I am feeling rather low today. I've screwed up what was left of my sleep cycle, I feel sick if S hugs me too tight, and my head gets sore if i focus on anything for too long, add to this the upper back pain from hunching over my computer in order to get close enough to read the screen. I'm generally feeling rather sorry for myself.
I realised something today. I don't just need my cane in the dark, there are times when it is stupidly bright, and the sun is in my face, when all i can see is glare, and even that hurts. Those times, i should probably use it too. because well i'm just as likely to walk into someone or something when i cant see because the sun is in my eyes, as i am because i didnt see them in the dark.
I'm not sure i like this game anymore. i would almost rather lose what sight i have in one go, rather than have it slowly trickle away incrementally over the next who knows how many years.
At the same time though I have so much I still want to see, most of all I want to see the face of my child.
I'm not much one for prayers lately, in fact i'm really not sure *what* I believe. I also know that this is a very secular and atheistic kind of place. But part of me wishes it wasn't, part of me wishes that someone would come along, and whisper the secret answer to me. The one that will solve my worries, the one that tells me that everything will be okay.
I need a light at the end of my tunnel, something real and tangable, not the false hopes i geterally hold. Those which are so easily dashed into a million tiny piecies by a single word or action.
I'm not really sure what this is anymore, it it is a journal, a cry for help, or a stream of conciousness. i'm not sure what i expect it to acheive. I've been throwing myself an adequete pity party without you all. And i know there is really nothing you can do, except try to comfort and assure me.
I'm scared of what the future will bring.
I'm scared, and I hurt.
My friends if you have made it this far, Is there anything that will make me less scared?
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(15 replies,
Latest reply: 2 Weeks Ago)
Tactile
(Feb 24, 2012)
So I was walking back from Scouts tonight, and I was musing on something my mobility advisor had said to me.
Dundee city centre has been designed so that different surfaces, mean different things. Cobblestones are around benches and bus stops, bins and trees. There is Blister paving at crossings, and striped paving at stairs. some of the roads are cobbled too. Most other surfaces are concrete, tarmac, or paving slabs. Many of the paving slabs are very uneven.
Anyway, i was thinking, and walking. and i realised i'm getting better at recognising the different tactile surfaces, not only the blister paving at crossings, but the slabs, and cobbles, i'm becoming more aware of how the world at my feet feels.
this is all down to my using my white cane. Something that i'm beginning to get into the habit of doing during the hours of darkness, or (as in Manchester) in new places, or when it is very busy.
I'm not looking for praise and encouragement to keep me doing it, as I'm beginning to see the benefits myself. I have a new way of seeing the world, and I'm safer too, which is a Good thing.
mini
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(6 replies,
Latest reply: Mar 2, 2012)
the amazing manchester meet
(Feb 19, 2012)
so I'm sitting here at 2 in the morning too full of fun to sleep, or to even think about concentrating on my essay.
Oh My Goodness i enjoyed myself today. Okay granted the museum wasn't the best choice for a blind mouse, but some kind hootooziens took it upon themselves to a) make sure they didn't lose me and b) that i got to play with some of the stuff that was more tactile.
As generally happens at h2g2 meets, we started off in one giant herd, and then broke off into smaller groups, some of which merged and exchanged members with other groups throughout the day.
Then it was time for the museum to close, so we headed in the general direction of Font (the main meet pub) This was an interesting journey. I will publicly apologise to anyone who i ran over with my white cane! I was a little concerned at several points as i kept ending up at the back of the herd where i might easily get separated from the group.
still we eventually made it to Font. I did have 2 sips of a  but wasn't keen on it, so found some sweedish apple cider instead. There was a quiz at some point, I answered 2 questions correctly for our team, and we didn't come in last.
there was also a competition for the best name badge, which I won for my mouse ears and decorated shirt. (i got a copy of The Book!)
i'm sure there must have been nearly 50 people there tonight from h2g2. It was such fun.
As i'm sure i already said, i'm still riding the high of meeting everyone (and if you were there and didn't meet me, there is always next time)
and tomorrow i get on a bus and go back to my everyday life  I have an essay to hand in on monday.
But for now I am a VERY happy mouse, and I look forward to seeing some of the photos from this weekend. (i forgot to take any today!)
i really should stick my audiobook on and at least try to get some sleeps.
mini
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(35 replies,
Latest reply: Feb 21, 2012)
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minichessemouse - Now growing a mouseling
and some 
and make yourself at home. 
Ah looks like we have one now.
