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Welcome, Unknown Visitor. 
Living so long in an unpopular arm of the galaxy (ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha) and to make matters worse, without digital television in an age when sci-fi was becoming really popular again, I pounced on every episode of any kind of sci fi I could find and devoured it completely.
The result left me addicted to sci-fi trivia, so much that at university I was banned for life from the sci fi quizes for always winning. As a consequence I was the perfect candidate for the role of quiz master, writing and presenting the annual sci-fi quiz.
In the spirit of competition (we wanted to win) I was allowed back on the team for the inter-university sci-fi quiz.
If you're waiting for me to reply to a posting, don't worry. I usually have a few entries on the go at a time. FAQs Got a question? Check out my FAQ page. Current Main projects I'm currently starting a community project called Star Trek - The Project. There isn't much on Star Trek in H2G2, so I thought I'd add one. It is based losely on the principles of The Cathederal of Terry Pratchett. I've also added a few resources for prospective contributors to take advantage of. Check out the main page for more details. Current Sub projects Nothing at the moment but I am now more active in The Cathedral of Terry Pratchett. Last Main project My Computers in Science Fiction project is finally complete! Phew, what a rollercoaster. It includes the entries on: TV, Movies, Books, Contemporary movies, androids, robots and cyborgs. Each has it's own entry. It took ages. It's not a definitive guide to the computers, just an exploration of their evolution. My guide to Temporal Mechanics is finally in the EG! Queue much celebration and asprin (you'll understand when you read it!).
I am a member of the following H2G2 organisations;
Check out: The Avenue of Small Gods
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 | | | | | | Some of My Favourite Entries |  |
Parkinson's Law
How To Fight SPAM
Aut tace aut loquere meliora silencio - only when the words outperform silence.
 AAAARRRGHH!!!
Currently my favourite phrase is: During the space race, the Americans spent $2 million and 5 years developing a pen that would write in outer space at boiling and freezing temperatures and in a vacuum.
The Russians took a pencil1.
From the h2g2 Society of Time Travellers: 'LEASPRAY RYTUS OTNAY OTAY ILKUM OURAY ANCESTUM'
'Please try not to kill your own grandfather'
"I remember when this introduction used to be one paragraph long."
1 There is a similar annecdote: When the Russians were designing Buran, their copy of the American Space Shuttle, they were faced with a decision. Build three highly complex, robust and re-usable engines on the back of the shuttle, or place four "one-off" disposable engines on the base of the fuel tank2. They went for option B. They also came up with a feasability studty that showned that the shuttle was a highly inefficient and expensive way to get into space. Which is why it only flew once. Without crew.
2 The logic is clever, after all, why pump the fuel from the external tank into the shuttle to burn it, when you can simply pump it to the bottom of the fuel tank itself?
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Welcome to this Researcher's Journal. If you'd like to comment on anything they have written here, just click the relevant 'Discuss this Entry' button. Oh for the love of - - - -!
(Jan 27, 2004)
I am now working for a bank selling mortgages to people who call in. These are sometimes direct customers, but usually independant financial advisors (IFAs)
I am only just out of training and still not fully up to speed and therefore have several people nearby who can help me.
I got a call from a female IFA asking if she could take an application to approval (basically the bank saying that in principle we are willing to lend you this amount of money)
I went through the system, and stopped at the most important part. The Mortgage screen shows how much the property is and how much the customer wants. I went past it as it was already complete, this then performs a credit check and goes to the illustration page, where they select exactly what kind of mortgage they want (discount, fixed, etc).
It was set at £60,000 loan and I asked if this was correct.
The IFA said: No, they only need £59,000.
Great I thought, nice and easy.
I went back to the mortgage screen and noticed that it was only asking for £55,000. This meant it had been illustrated for £5000 more than they had asked for. I changed it to £59,000 and went through another credit search.
Yup, you guessed it. It was declined. So I told the IFA and said I would refer this to the underwriters.
"That's not good enough" she said. "We need to put an offer in fairly soon."
My manager told me to put her on hold and said I should physically go to the underwriters ( a few metres away) and talk to them.
I promised to call the IFA back ASAP and did so. They told me they would work on it straight away, but didn't know how long it would take.
I called the IFA back.
"How long will it take?"
"I don't know, but they are working on it RIGHT NOW."
"Yes, but how long will it take?"
"I don't know."
"But they need to put an offer in by the end of business today. They're sitting with me now."
That's 16:30 and it was 15:15.
I promised to go back and hurry them up.
Anyway, long story short, the underwriter brought it back up to me herself, but I was on another call. This was only 20 mins after my call.
A friend of mine called the IFA back and went all the way through the application until he asked:
"Can I have the bank details for paying the mortgage and for the monthly payments."
Whereupon he was told
"I don't have them."
(all together now...)
OH FOR THE LOVE OF - - - -!
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(No replies)
Classically Obvious
(Nov 3, 2003)
Just walked past a cupboard in the store room. It was open and inside was a notice saying:
"If what you are looking for is not here, please try the other cupboards."
Brilliant!
Click here to discuss this
(2 replies,
Latest reply: Nov 3, 2003)
Once for yes, twice for no.
(Jun 27, 2003)
I offered a customer a divert, he said there's no other number, so I then asked if he wanted an out of service message.
He grunted, which I took to be a yes.
Click here to discuss this
(No replies)
My journet to the Twilight Zone
(Jun 22, 2003)
I'm at my sister's for a week. Her boyfriend bought a new optical mouse for the XP laptop he's got and installed the drivers, then re-booted as it told him.
The computer wouldn't start. It kept going to Blue screen of death and reset too quickly for me to see what was wrong, but it seemed to be a partition error.
I tried a few things.
Eventually I needed the boot disk, which was in his lab (he's a PhD student) a few mins away. Off we went, got to the lab and discovered that two medical fridges and freezers had stopped working and the specimens (very expensive and very hard to replace) were defrosting.
Quickly donning latex gloves we transferred the specimens to working frides and freezers, then got the disks and went home. Upon starting the computer, it loaded to blue screen, but asked if I wanted to skip the disk check. I said yes, then Windows loaded normally. I'm using it now.
But if it hadn't broken, we'd never have gone to the lab and £1000s and months of work would have been lost.
Spooky or what?
Do do do do, do do do do. You are about to enter - The Twilight Zone.....
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(No replies)
They make gevernment agencies look competent.
(Jun 19, 2003)
I just changed jobs from faults to billing. I continue to work in the same building.
We asked: "If faults gets really busy, will we be put back?"
We were told: "No."
We asked: "Yeah, but what if there's a big problem in the country?"
We were told: "Wouldn't make a difference, you're billing now."
Yesterday there was a big electrical storm in England, lots of lines down.
We got put back on faults.
I don't mind myself, but we have a floorwalker from Dundee helping us out and she was bored out her skull and went home early. And it's YET ANOTHER complete U-turn on policy.
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(No replies)
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| | | | | Most Recent Guide Entries | | Most Recent Edited Entries | | |
These are all the Guide Entries this Researcher has created. If you'd like to read them, click on the link, and if you want to talk about them, use the 'Discuss this Entry' button when you get there. From h2g2:
A54846840
There should be a badge for it (Jul 24, 2009)
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A50670281
(Jun 1, 2009)
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A20182970
Adding H2G2 Search to Firefox Search (Feb 24, 2007)
From h2g2:
A4151918
Open Source Software (Jun 4, 2005)
From h2g2:
A3632005
Dreams (May 5, 2005)
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A3128195
Things to do in Birimingam when the rail network is dead - UPDATE (Oct 13, 2004)
From h2g2:
A2769087
The Turing Test (Aug 5, 2004)
From h2g2:
A2724572
Never Know Your IQ (Jun 9, 2004)
From h2g2:
A2719028
The Prime Directive / General Order Number One (Jun 7, 2004)
From h2g2:
A2693478
Never Know Your IQ (Jun 2, 2004)
Click here to see more Guide Entries
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These are all the Edited Entries to which this Researcher has contributed. They obviously read the Writing Guidelines and submitted their Guide Entries to Peer Review: why don't you too? From h2g2:
A82144370
Hampshire Earthwork Castles (Jul 4, 2011)
From h2g2:
A82248681
Paul the 'Psychic' Octopus (Jun 20, 2011)
From h2g2:
A81505901
Wolvesey Castle, Winchester, Hampshire, UK (Jun 20, 2011)
From h2g2:
A81024428
The Jefferson State Rebellion (Jun 1, 2011)
From h2g2:
A78764476
Fingerless Gloves (May 16, 2011)
From h2g2:
A80858145
Celery (Mar 28, 2011)
From h2g2:
A76282158
The British Swallowtail Butterfly (Jan 5, 2011)
From h2g2:
A74312066
Oklahoma, USA (Dec 23, 2010)
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A73516197
The Calendar and Astronomy of Ancient Egypt (Oct 25, 2010)
From h2g2:
A73091216
Element Number 42 - Molybdenum (Oct 18, 2010)
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