Fell off the bandwagon (Nov 6, 2012)
Well well well I *am* a naughty mouse. I had good intentions of partaking in and completing NaJoPoMo again this year, but erm, forgot on the second and couldn't really be bothered making up for it after that.

So it seems I have fallen off the bandwagon. Oh well at least you are all safe from reading my Drivel about my pregnancy aches and pains etc.

and should the mouseling arrive early (thought he was thinking about it earlier today) i shall make sure that h2g2 is informed as well as Babycentre, and of course Facebook.

mini
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(2 replies, Latest reply: Nov 6, 2012)

NaJoPoMo mini, 1st. (Nov 1, 2012)
Okay so today i woke up around the same time as S. We didn't have any bread or milk or anything much in the flat for eating. We went to Tescos to get some shopping, S suggested when we got there that before shopping, we visit the Cafe. He had a big breakfast, and I had some Porridge. I'm quite fond of porridge these days. Then we got our shopping, including a 3 foot christmas tree for less than £3.

I struggled to carry my bag of shopping back home, S had to take it from me part of the way home. My bump is getting quite big and he is now head down which makes walking long distances hard.

We had Enchiladas for lunch. S has started training for a new job every evening so we have switched the main meal to lunchtime. have a left over chicken breast that I will use to make something tomorrow.

Sat now listening to an audiobook and having a small bum wedged into my ribs by bump.

mini
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(6 replies, Latest reply: Nov 2, 2012)

Fair warning (Oct 31, 2012)
I have decided (because I am slightly mad) to do NaJoPoMo again this year. so 30 days of daily journals. and the added fun of a possible Mouseling arrival during it all.

You have been warned!

mini
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(No replies)

The Bump (Oct 23, 2012)
o while I await the arrival of the Mouseling (6 weeks to go!) here is a picture of The Bump.

http://i335.photobucket.com/albums/...semouse/bump34weeks_zps5457e79f.jpg

mini
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(10 replies, Latest reply: Oct 24, 2012)

A pile of news. (Jun 25, 2012)
*blows dust off journal*

Oh hello, I haven't posted any news for quite some time!

so what has been happening in the world of the ?

Well Tomorrow I will be 17 weeks pregnant, which means I'm approaching halfway! The mouseling is now a definite bump which just keeps slowly getting bigger.

We have found a Council Flat in Kilmarnock and are signing the tenancy agreement tomorrow. It needs a bit of work doing to it, such as removing the wallpaper, painting the walls, putting down carpets, acquiring a cooker, washing machine and fridge freezer, and of course furniture. But we hope to get it all completed in the next 2-4 weeks.

I'm looking forward to having a home of our own that we can decorate to our tastes, as i'm getting a tad sick of magnolia! I'm most looking forward to decorating the nursery but as the mouseling isn't due to make their grand appearance until Late November at the earliest, i can take my time and get it perfect.

To further confound matters my older sister (who by the way is also expecting a baby) gets the keys to her new house in 4-5 weeks, so I need to be finished moving by then so my parents can help her out.

Lots of fun and games, and lots going on!

mini
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(6 replies, Latest reply: Jun 26, 2012)

Somebody's getting married. (Apr 20, 2012)
so yesterday afternoon S asked me a rather big important question. I said yes of course.

Obviously it's not happening soon, but he has made a promise that it will happen one day.

I'm a very happy mouse.

here have some muppets, because it made me smile.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZToQxzTQB6c

mini
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(22 replies, Latest reply: Apr 28, 2012)

Some happier news. (Apr 8, 2012)
Well the scout gang show is now over. It was an exhausting week (so much so that I was falling asleep while sitting on the Rostra last night) but i did enjoy being onstage again. All the kids in the show enjoyed themselves, and i hope they are all getting some well deserved rest today.

In other news S and I are thinking of relocating later this year. We are fed up of Dundee and would like a fresh start, so we are looking at places to live back over on the west coast. We haven't decided where yet, but we are looking at Kilmarnock and at Irvine for now.

I have discovered the reason I have been feeling nauseous and sleepy for the past few weeks, and it's nothing to worry about. Other symptoms include extra hormones, needing to pee lots, and tender 's. (and if you figure it out, please keep quiet elsewhere online, some family members don't know yet)

mini


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(22 replies, Latest reply: Jun 2, 2012)

feeling decidedly Meh. (Mar 14, 2012)
I have been feeling a low grade nausea for the last few days.

I'm noticing more and more what is getting harder to see. More and more I find myself using the built in magnifier on the shinymac, in fact i'm using it right now, and cursing it for not following where i'm typing.

I have my Dissertation Project proposal due on Monday, but due to issues with PDF files I havent managed to get past the stage where i try to find evidence to back up my own ideas because if you cant *read* a paper how do you know if it is any use or not? To try and get round this I have today installed a 30 day trial of a programme more suited to dyslexic students in a vain attempt to access the information i need.

I am also getting migraines again, my current (unsupported) theory is that they are caused in part by my brain struggling to make sense of the increasingly fuzzy optical signals.

I find myself listening to audiobooks, rather than reading their paper counterparts. I lose things more easily.

Today I read up on cataract treatment. From what I have read, I will be a difficult case due to my small eye, and pre-existing Glaucoma (amongst other things) this means they will probably will leave it much longer than normal before operating.

I am feeling rather low today. I've screwed up what was left of my sleep cycle, I feel sick if S hugs me too tight, and my head gets sore if i focus on anything for too long, add to this the upper back pain from hunching over my computer in order to get close enough to read the screen. I'm generally feeling rather sorry for myself.

I realised something today. I don't just need my cane in the dark, there are times when it is stupidly bright, and the sun is in my face, when all i can see is glare, and even that hurts. Those times, i should probably use it too. because well i'm just as likely to walk into someone or something when i cant see because the sun is in my eyes, as i am because i didnt see them in the dark.

I'm not sure i like this game anymore. i would almost rather lose what sight i have in one go, rather than have it slowly trickle away incrementally over the next who knows how many years.

At the same time though I have so much I still want to see, most of all I want to see the face of my child.

I'm not much one for prayers lately, in fact i'm really not sure *what* I believe. I also know that this is a very secular and atheistic kind of place. But part of me wishes it wasn't, part of me wishes that someone would come along, and whisper the secret answer to me. The one that will solve my worries, the one that tells me that everything will be okay.

I need a light at the end of my tunnel, something real and tangable, not the false hopes i geterally hold. Those which are so easily dashed into a million tiny piecies by a single word or action.

I'm not really sure what this is anymore, it it is a journal, a cry for help, or a stream of conciousness. i'm not sure what i expect it to acheive. I've been throwing myself an adequete pity party without you all. And i know there is really nothing you can do, except try to comfort and assure me.

I'm scared of what the future will bring.

I'm scared, and I hurt.

My friends if you have made it this far, Is there anything that will make me less scared?
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(15 replies, Latest reply: May 5, 2012)

Tactile (Feb 24, 2012)
So I was walking back from Scouts tonight, and I was musing on something my mobility advisor had said to me.

Dundee city centre has been designed so that different surfaces, mean different things. Cobblestones are around benches and bus stops, bins and trees. There is Blister paving at crossings, and striped paving at stairs. some of the roads are cobbled too. Most other surfaces are concrete, tarmac, or paving slabs. Many of the paving slabs are very uneven.

Anyway, i was thinking, and walking. and i realised i'm getting better at recognising the different tactile surfaces, not only the blister paving at crossings, but the slabs, and cobbles, i'm becoming more aware of how the world at my feet feels.

this is all down to my using my white cane. Something that i'm beginning to get into the habit of doing during the hours of darkness, or (as in Manchester) in new places, or when it is very busy.

I'm not looking for praise and encouragement to keep me doing it, as I'm beginning to see the benefits myself. I have a new way of seeing the world, and I'm safer too, which is a Good thing.

mini
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(6 replies, Latest reply: Mar 2, 2012)

the amazing manchester meet (Feb 19, 2012)
so I'm sitting here at 2 in the morning too full of fun to sleep, or to even think about concentrating on my essay.

Oh My Goodness i enjoyed myself today. Okay granted the museum wasn't the best choice for a blind mouse, but some kind hootooziens took it upon themselves to a) make sure they didn't lose me and b) that i got to play with some of the stuff that was more tactile.

As generally happens at h2g2 meets, we started off in one giant herd, and then broke off into smaller groups, some of which merged and exchanged members with other groups throughout the day.

Then it was time for the museum to close, so we headed in the general direction of Font (the main meet pub) This was an interesting journey. I will publicly apologise to anyone who i ran over with my white cane! I was a little concerned at several points as i kept ending up at the back of the herd where i might easily get separated from the group.

still we eventually made it to Font. I did have 2 sips of a but wasn't keen on it, so found some sweedish apple cider instead. There was a quiz at some point, I answered 2 questions correctly for our team, and we didn't come in last.

there was also a competition for the best name badge, which I won for my mouse ears and decorated shirt. (i got a copy of The Book!)

i'm sure there must have been nearly 50 people there tonight from h2g2. It was such fun.

As i'm sure i already said, i'm still riding the high of meeting everyone (and if you were there and didn't meet me, there is always next time)

and tomorrow i get on a bus and go back to my everyday life I have an essay to hand in on monday.

But for now I am a VERY happy mouse, and I look forward to seeing some of the photos from this weekend. (i forgot to take any today!)

i really should stick my audiobook on and at least try to get some sleeps.

mini
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(35 replies, Latest reply: Feb 21, 2012)

Getting used to my white cane. (Jan 26, 2012)
So Friday last week I made a decision that I would a) use my white cane in the dark and in unfamiliar places and b) get a refresher course in using it to make sure i'm doing it properly.

So earlier today I had my first refresher lesson. The mobility Advisor said that i am doing fine as it is, and that she didn't notice me doing anything wrong (apart from not really crossing one side street properly (the street i live down and cross several times daily )) and all i need is just a bit of confidence to let myself be seen using my cane and be ready if/when any of my friends ask questions.

So tonight i had my first real test of that too. Some friends were having dinner in a pub about ten minutes walk away, so i figured, well if i'm going to do this, then now is as good a time as any. And nobody mentioned it, like at all so that was okay. Then used it all the way back to where i was getting picked up for rehearsal and the girls picking me up also said nothing about it.

This is reassuring as I had feared that friends (especially friends who don't *know* (as far as i'm aware)) might start acting strangely, or asking questions about why my white cane has suddenly appeared.

I haven't even had any creepy old men (or anyone else for that matter) ask if i need help crossing the street or anything. I have had one person paying less attention than they should be, trip over my cane, but that wasn't my fault. (dark and rainy, my favourite combination)

So basically i have started admitting openly to the universe that yes i am Blind, and err well, the universe really isn't that fussed, which is good.

I do think it will take a good while until the little knot of fear that appears each time i unfold it and start using it goes away, but it's already much smaller than it was which is good.

The next step is to let some of my university friends see me using it, and just hope for the best really.

mini
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(4 replies, Latest reply: Jan 27, 2012)

Using my white cane. (Jan 22, 2012)
So as many of you will know, my sight is getting worse. Slowly, but still I need to start planning for when it does eventually go.

For this reason I have actually somewhat reluctantly started using my white cane. This for me is a big step. I have imposed rules on myself as to when I MUST use it. If it is dark outside and i am either alone, or with anyone other than S, then i MUST use it, no if's but's or maybe's. (i haven't decided yet about if it is dark and I am with S)

If I am in a place other than Dundee, Glasgow or Dunoon or I am in an unfarmiliar part of any of these, and it is Daylight OR Dark I MUST use it.

I'm still not sure about using it in familiar places in the daytime, or about using it inside shops etc.

It's a learning curve of sorts, and I am still going to ask the Dundee Blind and Partially Sighted society for a refresher course in using it, because i'm sure i'm doing things wrong.

So as from now on, these are the rules I MUST stick to, for my own safety, and so others know too.

Fun tines.

mini
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(13 replies, Latest reply: Jan 24, 2012)

Some good news (mini) (Jan 19, 2012)
Sooo I finally got my student loan, I've only been trying to get it since September!

It arrived in my bank account this morning, so I can pay back monies owed to S etc.

My little treat will happen tomorrow, finally getting my hair cut, first time since January last year

I am a very relieved mouse, as I have literally been living month to month never sure if I will be able to pay my rent and stuff.

I'm not planning to go wild with my loan backpayment because I need to save as much of it as possible for the summer when I have no income, unless i miraculously get a job.

But at least I know now that I should have enough to get me through the summer.

mini
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(9 replies, Latest reply: Jan 21, 2012)

And yet more bad news. (Jan 13, 2012)
So on top of all the other rubbish happening in my life right now I have just had some more bad news.

Woke up this morning to an Email from GTTR (Graduate Teacher Training Registry) stating that my application status had changed.

So I logged in, expecting an interview request, or a conditional offer.

And found that The University of Strathclyde, deemed me unsuccessful (without as much as an interview) And the University of Dundee has already filled their course.

So it seems I will not be doing teacher training next academic session. Instead I suppose I will do my Honours year, and my Dissertation, apply again, and look into other possible careers.

Fan-Tastic.

mini
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(5 replies, Latest reply: Jan 14, 2012)

Interesting news (Jan 11, 2012)
As many of you will know, every 6 months I have to make my way to Glasgow for a eye check up. This generally involves checking three or four things. My visual acuity (reading from an eye chart) My visual field ( checked with some flashing dots on a black disc) The General appearance of the surface of my eyes (checked with yellow drops and a blue light) and the pressure in my right eye (checked with a weird circle thing)

I have had all this done every 6 months for as long as I remember and the last time anything got measurably worse, I was 4 years old.

That was, until yesterday.

I can now only read the very top letter on the eye chart. This was a big shock to me. The second line has been slowly getting more and more indistinct over the past two or three years, but I had banked on my sight remaining stable for 10 or more years.

The long and short explanation is that as well as having significant scarring on the surface of my right eye, I have a cataract forming. But they are not planning on treating it until I don't have much to lose if the removal goes wrong and I lose what sight I have.

I did not think to ask how quickly this might happen, but I believe it will be a case of several years.

This has made me think about the fact that I need to plan for the eventuality of some day losing my sight through one thing or another. This is a bit of a wake up call to me. I tend to focus on hiding my disability rather than admit it. (denial is a river in Egypt)

But if my sight begins to deteriorate more rapidly and noticeably then I am actually going to have to begin to admit it, and deal with the consequences. I might even have to do some preparing and planning before I do lose what sight i have.

This is a big shock, and a big wake up call to me. But I will figure it out. I just have a lot of thinking to do over the next few weeks and months. I also need to figure out what questions I need to ask at my next appointment.

Because this is just what I needed on top of the whole PCOS thing and everythign else too.

mini
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(23 replies, Latest reply: Jan 15, 2012)

Oh joys! (Dec 12, 2011)
Oh hello there female hormones, nice timing, now I get to do exams with added cramp!

well Yes i suppose you get extra points for being something resembling regular after your flounce during the summer.

and and hot water bottle. Also added Revising.

mini
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(4 replies, Latest reply: Dec 12, 2011)

All was as suspected. (Dec 2, 2011)
Well I'm just back for a visit to the Doctors.

I have PCOS. I'm being referred to Gynaecology.

The GP surgery doesn't do tests for Insulin Resistance (which goes hand in hand with PCOS) but Gynaecology might.

Apparently the lining of my uterus looks 'frilly' probably due to my irregular cycles.

I'm still keeping track of those BTW.

8th feb - 25th mar 45 days
25th mar - 2nd may 38 days
2nd may - 27th may 25 days
27th may - 23rd jul 57 days
23rd jul - 31 aug 39 days
31 aug - 28 sept 28 days
28 sept - 18 oct 20 days
18 oct - 10 nov 23 days
10 nov -



mini
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(7 replies, Latest reply: Dec 12, 2011)

NaJoPoMo day 30 Finally! (Nov 30, 2011)
My last November Journal.

I'm lying on the floor, next to the radiator and eating Pringles. I generally have Wednesday off from uni and so today my tasks are to wrap some presents and get supplies for making salt dough decorations (A87725497 i'm not finished writing this yet.) and paper decorations. Our tree is only 2' tall, so tinsel will look silly on it.

Tomorrow I have a single hour of class, then I will continue wrapping presents, and i will put ou the three and advent calendars.

Friday I again have no classes, I will be making a large batch of Salt Dough for my Cub-Scouts as well as finishing of the tasks of Thursday. I will also be having my Guitar lesson and a trip to the Doctors for the results of my Scan last week.

mini
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(6 replies, Latest reply: Nov 30, 2011)

NaJoPoMo day 29. Birthday (Nov 29, 2011)
My niece is one year old today.

This time last year I was in Glasgow on a friends sofa defrosting form the huge amongst of snow I had to walk through on the morning of the 28th. I had not made it to Paisley to see my sister, but she had not yet had the baby.

Later today I will make the four hour journey home to attend her fist birthday party. I will then make the four hour journey back to Dundee because I miss my S if we are apart.

And so the penultimate day of the month of journals will be a happy one for this

Enjoy your Tuesday everybody.

mini
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(7 replies, Latest reply: Nov 29, 2011)

NaJoPoMo day 28 Painful. (Nov 28, 2011)
I've gone sprained my ankle. How did I manage this you ask?

I stood on a (already cracked) plate last night and it is now two half plates.

All day today my Right ankle has been getting progressively sorer, until I was walking home from Uni and could barely stand on it.

I have to travel around 8 hours tomorrow, for a birthday party of a 1 year old. Not just any party, A "Teddy Bears Picnic" and I have to bring my Beary Best Friend.

it should be fun. I just hope I'm walking a little more comfortably by then.

mini
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(1 reply, Latest reply: Nov 28, 2011)

NaJoPoMo day 27 maow. (Nov 27, 2011)
I'm a <mouse, but I go Maow.

mini
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(3 replies, Latest reply: Nov 28, 2011)

NaJoPoMo day 26. Essaying again. (Nov 26, 2011)
Yep, I have more coursework, and it's due yes on Monday.

i'm 1/4 of the way through it, and it needs finished before Monday.

mini
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(5 replies, Latest reply: Nov 28, 2011)

NaJoPoMo day 25. Squeaking under the wire. (Nov 25, 2011)
umm oh i almost forgot about this.

I was busy having ideas, and wondering what to do with the full set of famous five books I impulse bought from amazon the other day.

Technically they are for my niece, but as she turns 1 on Tuesday. I think i might have to hang on to them for a while!

mini
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(3 replies, Latest reply: Nov 28, 2011)

NaJoPoMo day 24. motivation. (Nov 24, 2011)
I suffer from a distinct lack of motivation when it comes to getting my uni work done.

I hate essays, i hate researching them I hate writing them and I hate having to hand them in, but still I am forced to do so. I'm so much better talking through my thoughts and telling other people about things than actually putting them down on paper. I also hate that i'm not allowed to have original ideas, everything has to be referenced, someone else has to have had the idea before me. I thought the point of university was to learn to think for yourself.

The only reason I'm still doing all this studying malarkey is because I so desperatley want to be a Primary school teacher, but the only way I can do that now is by completing my degree and taking a PGCE next year, or the year after.

The piece of work I'm supposed to be handing in on Monday consists of four mini lab write ups, basically what did we do, and how effective was it.

There were five lab classes, we were required to write up four of these. I only have the information for three. What's betting if I ask my lecturer for the information that she will tell me it's my own fault for losing it and tell me to get a copy from someone else?

Yeah, cause nobody actually ever talks to me in classes.

Oh meh, stupid lack of motivation, I hate having depression, it messes with my head and I didn't enjoy the meds last time I landed on them.

maybe i should just drop out of uni and go stack shelves in a supermarket for a living?

i can't be bothered anymore

mini
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(8 replies, Latest reply: Nov 26, 2011)

NaJoPoMo day 23. Recovery (Nov 23, 2011)
I survived the hospital appointment. It was uncomfortable, (damned uncomfortable) but it was all over in 10 minutes.

Today I had planned to head to the library and start work on my next coursework submission, but i just haven't bothered.

instead i'm sitting on the sofa eating sweets and listening to podcasts.

mini
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(5 replies, Latest reply: Nov 24, 2011)


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