(Insert expletive here)
I was trying to ring my friend Manuela on her mobile phone. I had selected the name and everything.
For some unexplained reason, I ended up ringing my estranged friend Mr B.
Ah, for (expletive)'s sake!
His mobile phone was off, but he'll know I rang anyway. And he's guaranteed to ring back. I don't want to talk to him right now, I'm perfectly fine without, in fact I'm better; besides, what would I say? To top it off, if I don't answer my mobile (I've put it on mute, so I won't have a fit when I hear it; anyone else, I can ring back), he's got my home number.
Can't wait to leave for the weekend, so I won't be home.
I know this is very 15-year-old and everything, and I also know that if he doesn't ring back I'll be disappointed, in a way. (Come to think of it, my 15-year-old friends are a lot smarter than me when it comes to guys.) But I think it goes to show how bad I got it. I haven't spoken to the guy in two months but I still get jittery when it comes to him.
I can't go back, I'm not ready.
Ack! I can relate to not really wanting to hear back from him, yet feeling somewhat disappointed if you don't. I don't think it's 15-year-old at all, but then again I was feeling much the same way earlier this week. It never gets any easier, does it?
While I'm unfamiliar with your specific situation, I can understand all too well how bad you've got it- I'm there myself right now, and my head is so far up my a**, I'm surprised I can function at all some days.
Hope you have a good weekend... and I'm always here to commiserate if need be.
All clear. He didn't ring back.
Panic. Got mail. Says he'll try to ring me tonight. I'm not sure I want to talk to him, and at the same time I don't want to keep avoiding him.
I'm shaking so hard I'm having trouble typing.
Latest update, he didn't ring. Mind you, I've been online since half past eight. So I wouldn't know. But I don't think he has.
The pain is all back and gnawing at me. This shouldn't have happened. Now I'll worry about what he thinks of me. I miss him. I haven't heard his voice in three months.
This isn't going to go away just like that.
The pain and worry does gnaw mercilessly away, doesn't it? Finally, the wound starts to heal, and then something happens and opens it up again. Hang in there, girl.
What should I do? I can't ring him and my answerphone, which is supposed to answer calls when the line is busy, is playing up. I haven't a clue whether he rang me or not, and I don't want to come across as this cold unfeeling b*tch who calls then goes AWOL.
We used to be friends. I love him. I miss him like mad.
But I can't get back in touch because it breaks my heart. He's seeing somebody. It really tears me up.
I suppose I could e-mail back saying the answerphone is playing up, but I didn't mean to ring him in the first place and I don't have anything to say. My life in the last two months has consisted mainly of wanting to die; the world is the space around me without him in it.
Not much for a conversation.
*just strokes Gretas head* Went through that just a year ago...
*weeps in silence*
*just strokes and tries to be there*
*pats Greta on the back*
I'm here for you, if only in Spirit, G.
I understand how you are feeling, and it's going to be tough for a while.
Please e-mail me if you really need to vent.
OOps... sorry... didn't really mean to come here, but here I am. Ahem. So what I'll say is this: I know exactly how you feel, have been through it myself twice in the last year (although it's a little different for me, as I'm a guy), but I understand. I've found that there really isn't anything that can be said to make it all better -- these feelings don't go away until they do, you know? It's a process that just has to be gone through until you are finally able to let go and move on. This can be very hard and can take a long time.
Personally, though, I have to say that I've always found cursing to be most effective in venting the energy and the emotions that build up in these situations. Of course, you can't really curse here, but you could try a nice long steady string of , like this:
that ing bag,s/he can ing this ing until s/he ing s on the , at which ing point I won't ing give a rat's one way or the ing other, because I have come to the ing realization that that isn't worth the on a and I don't ing give a any ing more.
I dunno -- it works for me sometimes.
Good luck, really, and please don't wish you were dead. Even if you don't mean it in a literal sense, still... You are a unique individual who has a lot to offer to this world, and regardless of what it may seem like, your self-worth is not dependent on anyone else.
Sorry if any of this was unwelcome... good luck again, though.
Thank you Thog, thank you everybody.
I'm coping. He didn't ring me - I e-mailed late saying I wouldn't be in all week, which is only a half-truth - and basically procrastinated.
This hurts. I'm back to square one. And it hurts all the more because I know he'd like to talk to me, and he's making every effort to resume the friendship, but I won't let him.
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