ALIVE, NOT DEAD:
REWARD - £ PRICELESS (?)
Is dating/relationship romance dead today? Well not just notions like romance, but the value of 'romantic love' and 'relationships' too. Outdated and unnecessary, or the most life-affirming thing we can experience? Should we just give up on them/people as a lost cause, or should we ditch the possibility of 'life fulfilment only by career success/money-making/(alcohol) socialising, etc', in favour of something with more humanity? Amongst all the selfishness, deceptiveness, mistreatment, and casual-only involvement that exists in relationships (amongst, say, 20-40 year olds anyway), is there a place for it anymore, or should we abandon hope of having it and find other fulfilments from life instead?
From the perspective of a nearly-30-something single male, in the current social climate, I suppose I have far too many idealistic aspirations of how I'd like things to be. They end up being diluted by the disheartening reality. I'd really like to find a girlfriend, but can't seem to trust that someone I may get to go out with, and hope to go out with long term, won't want an all-too-common casual-only involvement, since she may value these ideas as 'getting too serious/too involved/being tied down'. I probably have too many thoughts going round and round in my mind, on the subject of the value of love, romance and relationships, and the apparent sorry state they are in, to think rationally. But people hoping to STAY with the person they're currently seeing, seems to be very rare today, and getting harder to find from meeting people in normal social circles. We seem too footloose to me, always wanting to keep open the option of bailing out if we think things are getting 'too serious'/if we see someone new elsewhere that we think we'll like more. We seem to want the thrill that being with the opposite sex brings, but none of the relative-commitment that it should also come with.
What do other people think of the state of such notions. I am very interested in this subject and would like to see what others' think. Thanks for any contributions. Hope this topic makes for some insightful reading and participation.
|Subject: Talking point? Is romance dead?|
Posted Jul 23, 2002 by Mina
This is a reply to this Posting.
That's a great idea. We'll put it on our list of future Talking Points.
How to get trust+confidence?
To highlight my own troubled situation in relation to this subject, just for starters...
...At 29, and never having even had so much as a date before, I need to find a girlfriend, but don't know how to do so, since I've got myself into a crippling rut of afraid, social distrust of others (especially where the climates of alcohol consumption and casual-only 'relationship' wants from many people, are concerned) and staying away from socialising altogether. 'Afraid' to such an unhealthy level (since my natural inclination - to sink into depression when disappointment/failure occurs - affects me greatly) that I wouldn't survive heart-break. If I found someone, got my hopes up since I really liked her, then found out she didn't want anything serious/finished with me, I'd be so wrecked beyond repair, because I hold nothing more important than that in life.
I battle with the dilemma of, "If you don't fall in love you can't get hurt, but it's awfully lonely on your own" all the time. Never can decide whether possible heartbreak is better than certain loneliness though.
I know I'll not meet anyone 'staying away' from others, but I've done so mostly out of protest at the apparent hurtful, shallow, selfish dating attitudes of a lot of people (e.g. where pubs&clubs are involved). I know there are good people out there who want 1 long-term relationship, but how to tell them from the others?
Woooooooo .... slow down on the Huge paragraphs
No - seriously, my thoughts:
Love is a more than just a chemical reaction. Love is a learned reaction based on moments of affection and familiarity with the subject person.
Romance is just one way of demonstrating feelings of love or lust.
The human perception of what Romance should be, greatly includes the flow of little green pieces of paper - unfortunately.
The great poets of our day and time gets smothered by advanced media technologies (Satelite, DVD etc...)
I can continue ... but I think we will take this one or two thoughts at a time
Please note that Not Panicking Ltd is not responsible for the content of any external sites listed. The content on h2g2 is created by h2g2's Researchers, who are members of the public. Unlike Edited Guide Entries, the content on this page has not necessarily been checked by a h2g2 editor. In the event that you consider anything on this page to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please