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|   | Subject: Is this in my DNA? If so, must remember to have DNA transplant when such measures are available...
Posted Oct 26, 2004 by sea | | Post: 1
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<RANT ALERT>
Opinions expressed within this journal entry do not reflect my actions IRL. They reflect my purest, most unrestrained feelings at the moment and should be regarded as little more than my immediate knee-jerk overreaction to the situation.
<RANT ALERT>
My parents went out of town this weekend, for a well-deserved period of extended-family togetherness and escape-from-my-stupid-sister time.
My sister has been under 24-7 supervision since the beginning of September, when it was revealed she had an abortion and her boyfriend was beating her. When she wasn't asleep or in class, she was either with my mother or my father. She also had two friend who were trusted enough to keep her away from said bf, and was occasionally allowed to be with them. She has not been alone in a month.
My parents, thinking she was trying, decided to go out of town. I was left - as usual - to keep an eye on things and report back on my sister's behavior.
Night one (Friday): Sis goes out around 2pm to "look for a job". Does not come home. Leaves message on my cell phone saying she's going to a concert and claims her companion's is dead and she'll be incommunicado but home by midnight.
Midnight passes. No sis. Morning comes. No sis. Noon comes. No sis.
I call the two trusted friends. They have not seen her. I extract a phone number for the person she was supposed to be with. She was not with this person. I call Mom & Dad to report.
Sis finally comes home.
Showing a Herculean amount of self-control, I do not beat the ever-loving snot out of my sister. I give her a hug and tell her that I was worried about her. She apologizes.
Night two (Saturday): Sis asks to go out again. I say okay, but only if she gives me a contact number where I can reach her, and her escort must pick her up at home where I can see them.
She sneaks off while I'm at the movies. Figures. But, she leaves a phone number. Fine. She calls later (10:30pm-ish) and says, "There's a show I want to go to in Temecula".
Yeah, right. There's nothing in Temecula. Maybe some cows. Plus, it's a 2 hour drive to get there. What kind of show is starting after midnight?! So I say "call Mom and ask". Mom, of course, says no. Sis is told to be home by midnight.
Midnight comes. No sis. Morning comes. No sis. I call Mom and Dad to report. At this point, her a** is grass.
Long story shorter, she still hasn't been home. Apparently she's been with abusive bf, who my parents have a restraining order against. It also comes to our attention that the guy the bf was living with is a drug dealer. The bf's dealer, among others, of course.
Gee, who'd have thought that a 20-year-old with two brand-new trucks and a boat and two gigantic rottweilers would be up to something illegal?
*rolls eyes*
I hope my sister's immense stupidity isn't the fault of bad DNA, as I come from the same parents.
Or so they tell me. I dont' think I can go on believing I'm related to this... this...
There are no words for that creature that are acceptable in polite society. I am without words, for once in my life.
|  | Subject: Is this in my DNA? If so, must remember to have DNA transplant when such measures are available...
Posted Oct 26, 2004 by Garius Lupus
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 2
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Looks like your parents have only a few choices left. They can continue with the 24-7 supervision for the forseeable future and hope she grows out of it. They can move to a small town on the east coast, where she can grow out of it without evil influences and 24-7 supervision. Or, they can do the 'tough love' thing and kick her out of the house, where she will grow out of it eventually, but probably after f*cking up her life completely.
Not a great place for your folks to be.
But remember, it IS the responsibility of your folks, not you. It's tough seeing your sister screw up her life, but it's not up to you to fix it. You get roped in to help sometimes, but beyond that, don't take it personally otherwise you'll just go crazy. Disengage. Divorce yourself emotionally. When your sister does something stupid, just shrug and shake your head, as if it was a stranger doing those things. After all, you have absolutely no control over what she does, but you do have control over how you react to it. For your own mental health, you need to build some walls between you and her.
Sea, darling, I know where you're coming from, and while I know how hard it is for you to take GL's advice, you have to. You are NOT the parent here.
Been there. My brother hasn't spoken to me in over 2 years now, and it's quite refreshing. Hopefully the chip on his shoulder is still too big for him to make it through the door to the family Christmas party. If that's still there, I'm a good bet to make it through another year. That assumes he's not in jail again, of course.
As for the DNA, apparently it's a recessive gene if you carry it at all, so just make sure you breed with someone brilliant.
No, that wasn't a proposition. But I'm flattered.
| | Subject: Is this in my DNA? If so, must remember to have DNA transplant when such measures are available...
Posted Oct 28, 2004 by sea
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 5
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It's hard. I was telling one of my new shrinks (I'm still shopping for a good one I can afford) that I was raised believing that I could fix pretty much anything, and if I couldn't fix it, my dad could. It's kind of a blow to find that there's nothing I can do for my sis.
Though there are some very, very evil thoughts in my head that would certainly make me feel a heck of a lot better about the situation. I shall not elaborate, though. Too many villains get busted that way.  Let's just say that sometimes I wish I were a sociopath and didn't care about anyone but me. Life would be so much simpler that way.
| | Subject: Is this in my DNA? If so, must remember to have DNA transplant when such measures are available...
Posted Oct 28, 2004 by sea
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 6
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Oh, update:
Sis has moved out. Stole my parents' Playstation 2. Parents reported her a runaway.
What a stupid, dumb- , -for-brains, my sister is. I can honestly say that I hope I never see her again, because if I do, I may not be able to control myself.
This is yet another good reason for getting the out of California. I love the weather here, and the laid-back atmosphere, but I can't stand the company anymore. I have to get away from my family.
*sigh*
| | Subject: Is this in my DNA? If so, must remember to have DNA transplant when such measures are available...
Posted Oct 28, 2004 by marvthegrate LtG KEA
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 7
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Hmm, this sounds a whole hell of a lot like what I went through with my ex. Are you aware of any subtance abuse issues that your sister may have? The behaivour is similar to what I saw with both my ex and one of my sisters.
What tipped you off, Marv? The drug-dealing roommate?
sea: Yeah, the weather here has been lovely. <wrings out sweater>
Seriously, the only person you can "fix" is you. And the only person who can fix your sister is your sister. That sucks, but it's true. And what really sucks is that every time Mommy and Daddy step in and try to help, they only make things worse. It empowers her to screw up if people come in to save her.
This is why that emotional distancing thing is being advised here. Until she makes up her mind that she needs to change, nothing anyone can do will help. But she can drag you all down with her.
Well said. And I think Marv's got a point too. Sounds like she's got some substance abuse problems, as well. If she does talk to your folks, or you, you might want to remind her that the restraining order against her boyfriend means that if she's with him, he goes to jail. If he means that much to her...
Then again, maybe not.
 for you, dearest. I know how hard it is.
| | Subject: Is this in my DNA? If so, must remember to have DNA transplant when such measures are available...
Posted Oct 28, 2004 by  clzoomer- mostly retired.
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 10
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Having been blessed with siblings and children of an even disposition who haven't (yet, knock on wood) gotten into serious trouble I can only say it's not just DNA or parenting or teenagerhood or environment but a big blenderful of all of that. Phew, that was a long sentence, wasn't it? Anyway, as was truthfully said you're not the parent here so just try to do what your head and your heart say.
| | Subject: Is this in my DNA? If so, must remember to have DNA transplant when such measures are available...
Posted Oct 29, 2004 by sea
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 11
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*sigh*
Well, that's going to take some work. Hopefully shrink trial #2 will go well on Saturday and I can settle into some sort of routine that will help me achieve this "emotional distancing" thing you speak of. I've never, ever managed it before (and that's the gods' honest truth) because I've always been overly empathic. Maybe the shrink can prescribe me some nice don't-care-anymore drugs.
Ah, wouldn't that be nice? A pill you could take to make you happy. Much too easy, though. And sadly, nothing in life is easy.
| | Subject: Is this in my DNA? If so, must remember to have DNA transplant when such measures are available...
Posted Oct 29, 2004 by Garius Lupus
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 12
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No, it's not easy to disengage. You have to catch yourself getting hooked in and then tell yourself that it really isn't your concern. Convince yourself that the situation is bathed in something like a somebody-else's-problem field. Basically, you become a bystander, observing, but not involved. At first it will be hard to convince yourself, but you will get better at it.
And you can practice right now! Think of your sister. Now shrug and say "Oh, well." 
|  | Subject: Is this in my DNA? If so, must remember to have DNA transplant when such measures are available...
Posted Oct 29, 2004 by clzoomer- mostly retired.
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 13
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Too true! I have the rather annoying habit of damping my *engaging* habit by always trying to see the bright side of things. It tends to wear thin even when I don't recognise it as such, or so I've been told. *Always look on the bright side of life* is a fine song lyric but it seems to work best for me, not some of those around me.
Take GL's advice and try to disengage a little!
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