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|   | Subject: USA needs to Import Humor
Posted Aug 6, 1999 by Si
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 161
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- Got back to my apartment last night, put my keys in the door and drove three blocks before I realised I'd used my car keys.
> I`ve read Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer before and
> I still have to idea who he is.
Samuel Clemens WROTE these books. 
Mark Twain is only his pen name.
HTH. 
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O.K. Several of you pressed the Steve-button
So pay attention, especially Mr. Heimlich Manoeuvre Sir :
1. I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone.
2. You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.
3. Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I'd have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK."
4. I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out. The weatherman said, "I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today." I said "Oops . .."
5. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
6. Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
7. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
8. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
9. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
11. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
14. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid
someone will clean them?
15. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
16. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the
right to remain silent?
17. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
18. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
19. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
20. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Yours truly,
TM.
P.S. There is enough material here to keep this forum going for weeks and weeks...
If anyone needs more Steve material just say so and give me your email-address.
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| | Subject: USA needs to Import Humor
Posted Aug 6, 1999 by Jan^
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 164
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Except for the House of Lords, please. We need someone to look up to/down on depending on your political flavour/flavor.
Oh, and lets make the 'u' optional in flavor, humor, color etc. Use it as a statement of nationality, not a debating point?
| | Subject: USA needs to Import Humor
Posted Aug 6, 1999 by Jan^
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 165
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cannibals don't like eating chinese - you eat one and half-an-hour later you want another
Yeah but there are LOTS of them...
| | Subject: USA needs to Import Humor
Posted Aug 7, 1999 by Jan^
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 167
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Yummm yumm......
(with apologies to any chinese reading this)
| | Subject: USA needs to Import Humor
Posted Aug 7, 1999 by msmonsy
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 168
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i was going to post a joke or two but after reading TowelMasters entries i don't have any left to post for he seems to of cornered the market so i will leave this instead:
.
.
one dark day in the middle of the night two dead men stood up to fight, back to back they faced each other drew their swords and shot each other.....if you don't believe this stories true just ask the blind man for he saw it too
The other day upon the stairs
I saw the man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I think he's from the CIA
| | Subject: USA needs to Import Humor
Posted Aug 7, 1999 by msmonsy
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 170
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if you love something set it free......
if it comes back it was always yours.......
if it doesn't, HUNT IT DOWN AND KILL IT!!!!.........
monsy
| | Subject: Windows Needs to Import Humor
Posted Aug 8, 1999 by Caleb
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 171
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I'm sure you could. Howervr, there's a trick in DOS you can pull.
Type prompt Douglas Adams (or whatever you want...try ***SYSTEM ERROR 1301***) $g.
The command line becomes:
Douglas Adams>
-or-
***SYSTEM ERROR 1301***
You can "repair" this by typing prompt $p$g. Neat, huh?
| | Subject: USA needs to Import Humor
Posted Aug 8, 1999 by Caleb
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 172
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What do you do if you hate something?
| | Subject: USA needs to Import Humor
Posted Aug 8, 1999 by msmonsy
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 173
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slow roast it with a touch of garlic...mmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!
monsy
HEAR HEAR!
Eloquently spoken. Thank you.... From _all_ my heritage sides.
| | Subject: USA needs to Import Humor
Posted Aug 8, 1999 by shazzPRME
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 175
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ok.....for all the guys out there...here's what us girls are really thinking LOL
(Men are like):plastic wrap:cheap,clingy and easy to see through
""""""""""""" :power tools.They make a lot of noise,but it's hard to get them to work.
""""""""""""" :pillows:even the best ones get soft and lumpy.
""""""""""""" :vacuum cleaners:They're not much fun,but at least you get to push them around.
""""""""""""" :shag carpets:Soft,fuzzy and easy to walk on.
""""""""""""" :new born babies:They're cute at first,but you soon get tired of picking up their cr*p
enjoy girls
| | Subject: USA needs to Import Humor
Posted Aug 12, 1999 by Caleb
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 176
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OWWWW! Watch where you're going!! I'm NOT shag carpeting, y'know.
Yes, a couple of us have watched semi-faithfully.Many of the sight-gags are reminiscent of the first couple of "Simpsons" seasons.It can be quite witty and fast.The stories and some of the dialogue lag behind the visuals,however.At times it is sublime and too often it is predictable and derivitive.It is entertaining,however.
I concur!!!!!I don't know anyone (of any age) who watches or thinks SNL is funny.People are too into "new" stuff.
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Bad news,if noone else mentioned this yet.We Americans (I'm ashamed to say this) actually did a cover on Fawlty Towers starring John Larroquette.On behalf of my country I'd like to apologize.I hope you never see it and I hope the masters have been buried.I don't keep up with "Are You Being Served?" but we get that here.My favorites are the oldies like "Allo,Allo" which I catch when the rabbit ears face east just right.And Basil does come on sometimes.Mostly, I rent tapes of "Black Adder" when I can find them and I used to have "Yes Minister "and "Yes, Prime Minister" on tape.Our cable channel A&E ran the stuffing out of those a few years ago.A shame about Mr. Eddington, I only recently learned of his demise.Oh, another favorite, "The Fall & Rise of Reginald Perrin" used to air every night behind Monty Python.Those were goodies ,too.(and I'm not referring to the sketch comedy show of that name.)You may say what you want about Americans,we're at least a clearing house for all sorts of humour , if not the top originators.
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Cheeese dooooodles...
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