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|   | Subject: Tell Us A Joke
Posted Jun 19, 2003 by Raymond
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 3961
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LuckyStar, you found one of my pet peeves in there. The phrase "new and improved". Which is it? Is it new? Or is it improved? "New" means that there has never been anything like it before. "Improved" means that it is better than whatever came before it. WHICH IS IT? You can't have it both ways. Drives me a little crazy sometimes.
LL&P
RtC
What is the difference between a pig and a fox?
Six Beers.
What is the difference between a bass guitar player and a pig?
A pig wouldn't spend all night trying to sc**w a bass guitar player.
What should you do if you look out your window and see a bleeding bass guitar player stumbling around in your front yard?
Shoot him again.
diversity
What should you do if you look out your window and see a bleeding bass guitar player stumbling around in your front yard?
Shoot him again.
Only this time don't aim for the head - aim for a vital organ.
Jesus loves you! ...but he's not *in love* with you.
How is this relevent? or even funny?
Yeah...
They didn't even have bass guitars back then!
"Look at me being repressed. I want to be called Loretta and play bass guitar!"
diversity
On the label for a child's inflatable duck pool toy:
"For play only. Do not eat."
Raymond, I once read something along the lines of:
If it says 'New' or 'Improved', it isn't - the price just went up. If it's 'New' *and* 'Improved', the price went up even more. If it's 'All New' or 'Great New', the price went way up.
| | Subject: Tell Us A Joke
Posted Jun 20, 2003 by Raymond
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 3969
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You're right on that count. I'm sure there's a corollary to Murphy's Law that states that relabeling and repricing are directly related.
RtC
except perhaps in the job market... where a super-dooper fun opportunity means minimum wage (and no overtime pay for any extra drop that can be wrung from you))
Or how about work teams? That is when 6 people get to do 9 peoples work, because it's fun to belong to a team!
| | Subject: Tell Us A Joke
Posted Jun 20, 2003 by Raymond
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 3972
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Another neat slogan that means trouble on the job is "It's Not a Job, It's an Adventure!"
My sons are into that one. My youngest son is getting a better wage now that the adventure of the job has increased, but they call it "Combat Pay".
RtC
Three women escaped from prison.
One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde.
They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest.
When they climbed up, they found three large meal sacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn.
The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.
When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just three sacks."
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack,
The sack had the redhead in it. She went, "Woof!", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.
Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, "Meow!", so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.
Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all.
So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde shouted "Potatoes!"
if any moderators dont like something one here, please dont remove the whole post
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 20 kgs
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Q. Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving
their minds?
A. Because most men are stupid but few are blind.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch.
 Very, very nice.
| | Subject: Tell Us A Joke
Posted Jun 21, 2003 by Raymond
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 3977
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Very good. Some of those may get a comment or two, but I don't think we have too many people around here who'll * YIKES! * them. At least I hope not! Very good job.
LL&P
RtC
Well, someone's been yikes!ing because every so often I get a moderation email.
The difference between love, true love, and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing, and gargeling.
| | Subject: Tell Us A Joke
Posted Jun 22, 2003 by Raymond
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 3980
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That one SHOULD get *YIKED* ! That's getting pretty bad!
RtC
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