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|   | Subject: Peer Review: A982730 - Nebula Nebula oh how I Love You
Posted Mar 20, 2003 by Prof.Burnham | | Post: 1
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Entry: Nebula Nebula oh how I Love You - A982730
Author: SamanthaMcFate - U220729
Prof Burnham's student.Please critique!
Hi Sam; 
First of all I'd better say I know nothing about nebulae, but that's never stopped me in the past.
You were doing really well with this until you got to here -
" I am using the term galactic nebulae loosely as it was a term used in one of the web pages I surfed on through doing the research for this project and I find it relevant, as many of these other nebulae are in fact other galaxies. For instance if you pick up an old astronomy book you will find reference to the "Andromeda Nebula", which we now know is actually the Andromeda Galaxy."
At this point you used the dreaded personal pro-noun, this should be re-phrased along the lines - The term Galactic Nebulae is used loosely as the definition of some constellations has changed for example ...... 
You then continue with -
"This concludes all the information I know on what a nebula is, where you can find them and how easy they are to see. I personally prefer the one in the constellation Orion, but I do think that the "Andromeda Nebula" is very gorgeous as well."
Now I can see you're trying for a conclusion here, but once again personal opinion has crept in, this needs changing.
I'll let an astro-physicist comment on the star stuff. 
I agree with McKay, remove the personal stuff and the title also needs altering.
It could also do with being broken up into paragraphs, one huge chunk of text makes it hard on the eyes
Other than that, great stuff!
Can you ask Sam to subscribe to this thread, Prof?
|  | Subject: A982730 - Nebula Nebula oh how I Love You
Posted Mar 24, 2003 by Iridium
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 4
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Hi Samantha, nice entry 
A couple of point in addition to those already said above
you've written
"...They are most often comprised mostly of hydrogen..." which I would rewrite as something like "They are most often comprised of mainly hydrogen"
Another thing, you've written it in plain text, have you tried writing in GuideML? Put it into GuideML mode so that it begins with <guide><body> and ends with </body></guide> and then you be able to make your superscript numbers superscript in your figures for particle density by surrounding with <sup> tags e.g. like this 1x10<sup>7</sup>
| | Subject: A982730 - Nebula Nebula oh how I Love You
Posted Mar 24, 2003 by Sir Kitt
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 5
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Hi Sam
You say: "Our own sun, along with 95% of all stars (according to the University of Calgary's Planetary Nebulae web page), will become such a beautiful sight in about 5,000,000 years (much to the dismay of human life)."
I think our sun is generally expected to stay pretty much as it is for the next 5 Billion years or so, before becoming a Red Giant for a while. So I think your figure of 5 Million year is a little short of the mark. Perhaps some one with more knowledge of things stella will pop up with more detail.
Do also heed the previous comments, best of luck with this.
SK
Can I suggest that we move this one back to the entry -- if the author ever returns maybe she will be interested in submitting this to the program at the Post for Professor B's students and their essays.
Any seconders?
| | Subject: A982730 - Nebula Nebula oh how I Love You
Posted Jun 6, 2003 by Rho
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 7
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I'd say that this one was suitable for the FM.
RhoMuNuQ
Okay, I'll agree to the FM if you want it.
Off to post.
Mikey
|  | Subject: A982730 - Nebula Nebula oh how I Love You
Posted Jun 6, 2003 by Rho
This is a reply to this Posting.
| | Post: 9
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The beginning of the entry could certainly be used as the basis for another entry.
RhoMuNuQ
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