h2g2 - AGG/GAG - 23

Open your mind and say,"AWW"

Fiction Weird Science First/Personals Satire Kitchen Sinkronicities

iLLiteracy as an underappreciated natural resource :

It is an often-ignored participle of the parsing of the sentence of our
dangling civilization that the unliterate are completely
necessary. They, who are
quite happy
with
telly and page three and video and the international symbols for food,
lager, and laybys, are the ones who make the modern
educational and publishing
systolic rhythms
possible.
If every chromosomic triumph that human prurience and parturition
made available was able to scan print with comprehension and interest, then
those of us whose only claim to fame is that we can read and write would
be up it without a vane-shaped motivation device. Whole university systems of
entire countries are filled with humonculi whose only reason for being there
is that the great unread don't care to push them out of the way. So, next time you have occasion
to display your erudition for the hoi and the polloi, do it kindly, thankfully, and well.

"Stupid Pome Thing" by Wingpig

Some things are 'Self-explanatory', like a dictionary, which by definition, really shouldn't be used to define itself, but it is ok to use it to explain itself. I have never truly understood why a definition cannot also be an explanation. When I was very much younger than now (physically, not mentally), my muvver wood ax me,'What excuse do you have now?"'
'Excuse'? By whose 'definition'? Ideally speaking, all I should have had to do was remind her that I was fifteen and that should have been a sufficient 'explanation'. Yet, by 'definition', she was an adult, so she was incapable of defining, excusing or explaining herself... and thus, incapable of understanding that my existence and behaviour was self-explanatory by definition. I needed no excuse beyond that of my survival for fifteen years, with or without her help.
What does this have to do with the entry? Oh, it needs no explanation... it's self-explanatory, self-defining, self-cleaning (a bit like my dog) and self-evident. Give it a click and see.

If We Really Knew What We Were Doing We Would Not Be Doing It
by Researcher 39580

It is time once again to pay tribute to those who are no longer with us. Their time on this site was brief and occasionally memorable. We cannot dignify them with a name, just a soulless number. But dignify them we will, just the same.

Late breaking editorial insertion by ~jwf~
As we go to press, tonsil revenge asked me to insert one more entry:

Life as a N.I.P.P.L.E. by Demon Drawer

If you haven't tried the 'SensaPlace' site before, you'll enjoy the easy-on-the-eyes decor, and in this particular case, the lilt of Irish laughter.

And since this is the Illiteracy Issue I just have to give another plug to:

The Legitimacy of Spelling on the Internet by Hactar

originally featured in AGG/AGG #12, a classic of its kind, essential to the web weary writer.
(peace ~jwf~)

NEXT WEEK: scientist

An all Weird Science issue. geek

Tipping our handmade navel lint felt hats again in the direction of the tireless folks who give the fodder upon which we feed, the AGG/GAG/CAC Morris Dancers and Cud Pre-chewing Guild continues to proffer the pearls we've pried from the maws of the depths of h2g2 every week in the h2g2 Post. We wait with peated breath for any like-minded folk to join us.

~jwf~ Remembers where eggs come from, but he's not telling, cause they're his.
(tonsil revenge) Remembers where he put his keys, but not where he's going.
=X Subcom Deidzoeb Remembers who he is, but not why.
Spaceman Spiff Remembers when he had his first tooth, but not why his mother does.
Martin Remembers everything but when it's his turn.
Sir Bossel Remembers what he has forgotten, but not often enough.
Hobbes Remembers when 'old school' was a new phrase.
Zaphod Remembers the shock when he was told that he hadn't always existed on this plane. BOAC ticket agents are curious, too.

More bad news:

AGG/GAG/CAC
Another Guide to the Galaxy/Galactic Anomaly Group/Committee for Alien Content

The Alternative Writing Guidelines

Archives of all past issues

The Original AGG/GAG Home page

The Penultimate AGG/GAG Home page

09.05.02 Front Page

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