Kia ora, tena koe. Tena koutou, tena koutou, tena koutou katoa... ko... te kotane o te au, Aotearoa. Update: Nah, it's not that bad. Or maybe I'm just getting mellow in my pre-middle-age.

Hello, Unknown Visitor! Tea?

Just because I've been changing my screen-name a lot, I'd like you all to know that you should just call me Jerms.

Now that you're comfortably settled (Mwahahaa! ), here's some Vogon poetry, donated to me by Arisztid:

See, see the kind sky
Marvel at its big burnt orange depths.
Tell me, Jerms do you
Wonder why the Armadillo ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel snerky.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your higledy pigledy facial growth
That looks like
A salsa.
What's more, it knows
Your pianist potting shed
Smells of tennis ball.
Everything under the big kind sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm socks.

So why 'The Elemental'?

It's part of a quote taken from Thomas Harris:

"Now that ceaseless exposure has calloused us to the lewd and the vulgar, it is instructive to see what still seems wicked to us. What still slaps the clammy flab of our submissive consciousness hard enough to get our attention? ...the essence of the worst, the true asafoetida of the human spirit, is not found in the Iron Maiden or the whetted edge; Elemental Ugliness is found in the faces of the crowd."

Stuff I do...

I have been known to be studying Artificial Intelligence, towards a Bachelor of Computing and Mathematical Science, at Waikato university.
I got up to my fourth year in the four-year degree, but I failed a handful of papers so I've got seven papers to go - probably about another two years of full-time study. Although apparently it's only four papers, not seven. I should look into that.
For clarification: one paper equals one course. I found out recently that people in other countries don't call them papers.
I decided to drop out after doing two papers in one semester ended up being more like eighty hours a week than the twenty-four they were supposed to be. I got sick and stressed and should have been in hospital by the end of it; and I paid about twenty-five thousand dollars for the pleasure to do so.

If you don't know what Artificial Intelligence is; it's similar to the concept of Artificial Life. Perhaps you would like to have a peek at this discussion site, or you might like to meet the world's first cyborg, instead.

Aparrantly I've been on hootoo since the 18th of December, 2001!

"I realize that, historically, phrases like 'massive redistribution of wealth' are usually accompanied by rivers of blood. That said, it's about time for a massive redistribution of wealth."

Are you sick of reading the dictionary? Do you think it has a terrible plot? Would you prefer to read Starship Titanic, instead? Or would you rather read my personal philosophy?

I must also remember to read Newton's Wake, at some point.

I'm an independant medieval enactor who doesn't do much enactment these days; I'm quite fond of a club called the Red Ravens. I may be in some of their photos, but probably not.
I'm currently keen on learning the old Norse language, or perhaps Runic Swedish. Any minute now.

Happy birthday!

"What do you look at while you're making up your mind? Ours is not a reflective culture, we do not raise our eyes up to the hills. Most of the time we decide the critical things while looking at the linoleum floor of an institutional corridor, or whispering hurriedly in a waiting room with a television blatting nonsense."

I'm tempted to add a 'currently reading' bit here, but since I read pretty much anything I can find which interests me, the list would change faster than I could update it. As an idea, my list of the last few books (or e-books) I've read include:

• "On Pencils of Tangent Planes and the Recognition of Smooth 3D Shapes from Silhouettes" - Seriously. It was really boring.
• "3d human modelling" - Didn't quite tell me what I wanted to know, though.
• "AI Game programming wisdom" - which had some real gold in it.
• "Wired" - magazine. Given to me by someone who always has interesting things to read.

• "Hacking Matter - Multimedia edition" - about "Levitating chairs, Quantum mirages, and the Infinite weirdness of Programmable atoms." Interesting stuff.

Stuff I am...

(5/(2-0)+82)/2 = 42 (Aparrantly it had to be done...)

I am Jörundr Foesmasher, First Mate of the Viking ship Lifthrasir. We're recruiting now! Come to the Recruitment Office to join up with us - here. ....Come and Join the Crew of the Viking Ship Lifthrasir - Go on, you know you want to. WARNING: This ship is NOT for Beserkers...

I'm a founding member of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Vegetables, and a member of the Campaign to Promote Respect for Microbes.

This is Officially the Most Infuriatingly Absent Posting on H2G2. Check it out.

I'm not content with the way life is, so I'm working towards Transhumanism.
I'm not alone in this.
For an example, have a peek at EEG DNI.

I've spent a long time being emotionally attached to someone who's more than 30,000 kilometers away. I don't recommend it. It really, REALLY sucks.
I just might be over it now, though. Maybe.

I'm a nice guy. This is A Very Bad Thing.

I'm also an empath. This, too, is A Very Bad Thing.

Most people think I'm funny. I still have no idea why.

I'm both chronically and clinically depressed, and have been for years. My current girlfriend Maree has helped a lot with this... mainly by being so great.

Free Tibet!

I'll take one!

I'm an Agnostic, so although I don't believe in the truth of the existence of any god/diety, I also don't believe in its untruth, either. This does NOT mean I'm anti-christian. Unless they wake me up early on a saturday morning.
To be accurate, I'm not strictly agnostic either... but my theology defies both a quick explanation and a pidgeonhole title. Sorry.

I'm the owner of a company called Paladin Creations, which is in theory primarily a chainmail manufacturer, and also a prototype design company. Some of the designs still in progress include:

• A pair of bio-mechanic wings, which solve the problem of weight resistance to actually get off the ground. Maybe.
• A new sport, which is sort of a combination of air hockey and pool.
• Another sport, which is a combination of paintball and lasertag.
• Another sport, similar to fencing, but based more on western style medieval combat. Similar to medieval enactment, but with scoring.
• An ergonomic computer workstation.
• A 3D projection viewing system.
• A new type of immersive Virtual Reality system - LTP has given me some very good ideas for this. (Memo to self: Stereo system can be found here.)
• A visual-responsive music-generation application. Most of the development of this has also occurred here on H2G2, thanks largely to Candi Nook. Thanks, guys!
• A new process for the fabrication of Ammonia.
• A new process for the fabrication of Methane.
• A 3D sonar environment-mapping system.
• A method of research towards nanotechnology.
• An enzyme-folding automatic mapping system.

nil mortifi sine lucure

Stuff I believe...

• I believe there isn't enough Blackadder in the world.
• I believe in Universal Determinism.
• I believe in fairies.
• I believe that free will is simply a useful fiction.
• I believe that the identity of 'self' is also a useful fiction.
• I believe I'm insane. Not as much as this guy, though.
• I believe in Materialism (that's the opposite of Dualism, not the opposite of Spiritualism).
• I believe I am a god.
• I believe that if you don't like it, you can go bury your head in custard.

Stuff I have...

• I have a dwarf. Except he's currently somewhere where I don't know where he is. Probably in Europe somewhere.
• I have a Russian.
• I have a ninja. Actually this is the same person as my Russian, so really I just have a Russian ninja.
• I have an elf. I haven't seen him for a while though.
• I have a monster named Tiso.
• I have a box full of neverending cuddles.
• I have a very large collection of music and videos - currently around a terabyte and a half, give or take.
• I have satin sheets.
• I have some fantastic friends, of whom I'm immensly proud. Pity I don't get to see them more often. Some of them I've never actually met.
• And I have very large aspirations - I have a theory that people who are more depressed tend to have bigger dreams because they're more discontent with their situation. But that having bigger dreams can lead to them being more depressed, because they lack the ability to plan the smaller steps and so become disillusioned.

Stuff I like:

• I like trees.
• I like bass. Not oonst, but the kind of deep ambient rumble which goes through the ears via the spine.
• I like the smell of pinecones in summer.
• I like smileys.
• I like Invader Zim.
• I like huskies.
• I like hootoo quizes.
• I like mead.
• I like badgers.
• I like blue jelly beans.
• I like the sound 'bzzert'.
• I like kinetic art, especially rolling ball art.
• I like mooses... meese?... moosesses...
• I like cunnilingus. Actually no - I LOVE cunnilingus; it's probably my most favourite thing to do. Ever.
• I like sleeping, except when I dream, because I usually only have nightmares. Or memories, which are almost as bad.
• I like the Princess Bride.
• And I LOVE the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy. Since I'm about the only person in New Zealand who didn't actually have any direct involvement in the making of them, I'll just be content with owning the extended version DVDs.
• It seems I also like lists...

Stuff I don't like:

• I don't like being woken for no reason. And I don't like being woken by screaming, especially if it's my own. But I do like being woken by a friend who wants to talk. In fact, any friendly voice is welcome; any time of day. Why do the most philosophical, in-depth discussions always happen at 3am? Like this one.
• I don't like neckties.
• I don't like driving. No, let me be more specific; I don't like it when other people are on my road.
• I don't like having anything in my eyes.
• I don't like watching people injure themselves.
• I hate the smell of crushed ants.
• I hate the bullsh*t that people put each other through for their own amusement, without regard for anyone else.
• And I really, really hate it when nice people get screwed over.
• But most of all I can't stand bigots.

And I'm still not content with my introduction.

Please say something.

"The views expressed above are not necessarily representative of those held by squirrels."

Some links, for my own aMOOSEment...

• Pripyat - riding through Chernobyl
• Medieval vibrators
• Hellmans' anachronism - an hypothesis about historical proof of future time travel
• Hand weapons
• The truth about aeroplanes.
• How to take socks off, and live
• H2G2 wallpapers
• 'Stop potato violence!', 'Adopt a wheat field', 'Pickle party!', 'Fig newton federation'
• HardcoreZen
• How to take over the world
• Defining terms of belief
• We didn't start the fire
• Insanely Destructive Devices
• Smell cannons
• Mind balance
• Terrorist dot net
• Creating nanotech using algae
• Killed by Goo!
• Pop some virtual bubblewrap
• See if you can guess what Dihydrogen Monoxide is, and why it should be banned...
• Myths about computer viruses, brought to you by the people who created the Anti Anti-Virus site AntiAV.com
• Teleportation.
• Brain reading.

Lost links: The phenomena of "http://cnn.technology.printthis.clickability.com/pt/cpt (amp) action=cpt (amp) title=CNN.com+-+The+screen-age%3A+Our+brains+in+our+laptops+-+Aug+2%2C+2004 (amp) expire=-1 (amp) urlID=11195935(amp) fb=Y(amp) url= http%3A%2F%2Fedition.cnn.com%2F2004%2FTECH%2F08%2F02%2Fschool.internet%2Findex"
"An artice on CNN.com about computational concsiousness extension"
computational consciousness extension.
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/southflorida/
chi-0403280359mar28,0,4395528.story?coll=sfla-home-headlines
(found at http://www.kurzweilai.net/news/frame.html?main=/news/news_single.html?id%3D3135 )
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,8124-1026238,00.html
(found at http://www.kurzweilai.net/news/frame.html?main=/news/news_single.html?id%3D3131 )

"All men go to good earth in one eternal silent night."

Congratulations! You've found the Smiley Zoo!

Actions
Animals
the Cosmos
Drinks
Emotions
Food
Miscellaneous
People
Seasonal
Supernatural
Lost smileys!