An Awful Lot of Space Between Myself and the Ground
Sep 1, 2007
I did something amazing today. I jumped out of a plane. 
Arrived at the airfield at 8am, checked in, had the training course and then waited around for hours until it was finally our turn to jump at 12pm. The waiting around was horrible.
There were about twenty solo skydivers, three tandem jumpers and our cameramen all bundled into the skyvan like sardines. We were packed in so tightly that nobody could move and being strapped to the instructor made it extremely difficult to back out of it if I'd've wanted to. We'd flown up fifteen thousand feet when the back door was opened and the solo skydivers ran to the opening and flung themselves into the sky.
After they'd all jumped it was our turn. First one leaped, next my brother and then I was the last one out. Walking towards the opening was the scariest thing. We stood in the doorway to watch my brother hurtling away from me and then I let the instructor take my weight. You've got to hold your head up towards the sky but all I wanted to do was look down at the very very far away ground. 
And then we plummeted toward the ground at 120mph. 
We span around a few times and I kept catching glimpses of the plane moving further and further away. After about a minute of freefalling, which seemed to go on for so much longer, the instructor opened the parachute and we span round in circles and glided for five minutes.
As soon as we landed all I wanted to do was go back up and do it all over again. 
A new Footbacon added to the Collection
Aug 27, 2007
Well, she's been a part of the clan for just over a decade but it's now official. On Friday my biggest bro' got married.
Mum, Dad, Nan, brother number deux and me got to the town hall first to have a lovely nutter swoop down on us. She appeared beside us and began asking why we all dressed up. After fifteen minutes she disappeared and then the rest of the guests started to arrive. Eventually the wedding car pulled up with my biggest brother, wife ( ) and daughter 
only for them to realise they didn't want to go through with it after all and they drove off again. 
Some waiting later they came back and the lovely nutter popped back again to poke the wedding dress. We all went inside (without nutter – she'd noticed the previous wedding party and dashed over to them) for vows and bleary eyes and more photies.
After the ceremony we littered confetti all the way down to the Winter Garden, a blinkin' large glasshouse with lots and lots of plants inside. I finally got the chance to wrestle Tiny Footie away from relatives to talk in silly voices while we had more photies taken. Brother number deux and uncle had both arrived wearing sunglasses and looking like bodyguards. Telling them this made them follow other guests around and talk into their cufflinks for a fair while.
Then we piled down to the hotel to trip over cobbles and almost fall into the canal. Tiny Footie seemed to find walking on cobbles easier than the rest of us and tottered from person with camera to person with camera. The rest of the day and night has blurred slightly. I dragged my unusually smart looking brother number deux and extremely merry brother number un onto the dancefloor for a boogie while Elvis (from where he came from I still haven't a clue) wandered around the room eating sausages on sticks.
By the end of the night there were just a few of us left gripping onto chairs for stability while waiting for brother number un to finish taking relatives and mates on multiple trips to gawp at his and wifies hotel room.
Couple of photies:
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y6/Footbacon/Wedding/DSCF0846.jpg
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y6/Footbacon/Wedding/DSCF0859.jpg
I've got a sister! 
Attack Of The Silly Voices.
Sep 17, 2006
My biggest bro' has just become an Aunty and I've become a Daddy.
Er. Might have got that mixed up a bit in all the excitement.
I made her cry. She was content and sleepy until she got passed over to me and then she wouldn't shuttup. She wouldn't stop crying when she got passed to her other Aunty either, so she must just hate Aunts.
And she's a proper little thief too. Stolen not just one of my initials, but all three. 
http://footbacon.googlepages.com/asha
Awww.
Read this!
Aug 12, 2006
And watch this video I took at work on Frodo:
http://footbacon.googlepages.com/watchthis.htm
That's the most flantastic card.
Yay!
I don't feel poorly yet.
Remember the 75 bands piccie?
Aug 11, 2006
There's film one now 
http://www.lovefilm.com/images/desktop/1280x1024.jpg
There's 100 film titles in there. How many can you spot?
What's wrong with Footbacon?
Feb 13, 2006
I've got a poorly head. 
I've had almost constant headaches for a couple of weeks. Wake up with them in the morning, they'll ease off for a while during the day and then I go back to bed with them at night.
It's not the first time I've had them. First time was two years ago, they started in November and eventually went away by themself in December.
Last year I had them around the same time again. That time the doctor told me to take ibuprofen three times a day. Eventually they stopped after about six weeks. So I'm not sure if it was the tablets that stopped them or if they had just run their course.
I thought I'd escaped getting them again this year as I'd got through November and December without a twinge. But they came back two weeks ago.
They start with a twinge right at the back of my head, just to the right of my spine. That part of the headache feels like a metal spike has been lodged into my head. Those twinges aren't there all the time, but they cause a normal headache all around the right side of my head.
I pulled a muscle in my neck years ago, so I'm wondering whether it's something to do with that. Or maybe it's something that belongs in the X Files. Maybe I didn't swallow that fountain pen and it's shot up into my head.
Anyway, I went to the pharmacists today to stock up on ibuprofen. They told me to take a couple of ibuprofen in the morning, then co-codomol for the rest of the day until they bugger off again.
This journal entry is pointless. I'm just feeling sorry for my poorly head.
Back! Boom, diggity!
Jan 23, 2006
After a couple of weeks of not posting, I'm finally back. What's happened on here then?
I think there may have been somebody impersonating me on here.
That's what Christmas is all about.
Dec 17, 2005
I wasn't in the mood for Christmas until I:
Drank lots of free booze.
Made a tropical garden.
Told someone they looked like Toadfish.
Threw coconuts.
Had a balloon fight.
Got dropped.
Pinched a Hawaian.
I never got the cloud that I wanted though. 
75 Bands
Dec 1, 2005
For those of you that missed this in the WJH? thread:
http://photobucket.com/albums/y6/Fo...sh/?action=view¤t=75bands.jpg
So far, I've got 68
50 Cent
9 inch Nails
Alice In Chains
B52s
Black Box
Black Crows
Black Flag
Blind Melon
Blur
Bubblegum
Cornershop
Cowboy Junkies
Crowded House
Cyprus Hill
Dead Presidents
Deep Purple
Dinosaur Jr
Dollar
Eminem
Fish from Marillion
Garbage
Gorillaz
Green Day
Guns & Roses
Hole
Iron Maiden
Killers
Kiss
Korn
Led Zepplin
Lemonheads
Madonna
Madonna
Matchbox 20
Men At Work
Mighty Joe Young
Pink
Polyphonic Spree
Prince
Queen
Radiohead
Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Robert Plant
Rolling Stones
Scissor Sisters
Seal
Sex Pistols
Silver Spoon
Smashing Pumpkins
Talking Heads
The Beach Boys
The Carpenters
The Doors
The Eagles
The Eels
The pixies
The Police
The Shadows
The Streets
The Subways
The Vines
The White Stripes
Toy Dolls
Traffic
Twisted Sister
U2
White Snake
Yellow Man
Zombies
Don't know whether the coin is 50 Cent or Dollar 
Guess how much w**k I've done today
Elephants and Hens
Nov 1, 2005
Footbacon is happy with her mobile.
Oh no! It's gone!
Where is it?
It's not behind the rhino.
Look in the alligators mouth. It's not there either!
Ohhh, the monkeys got it in the tree!
They all drink lemonade...
The end.
“Dear Sirs, Footbacon will be unable to attend hootoo for the next two weeks due to…”
Oct 8, 2005
I said something to the germoline know-it-all last night, which the moderators didn’t approve of.
I’m going to be on pre-mod for a couple of weeks. Don’t think I’ll post unless it’s something incredibly important, like posting whether or not my blister has cleared up on the WJH thread.
Well, not really. That was a big fat lie. But it would be interesting to be controversial.
I’m going on holiday in 15 and a half hours!
Oh my god, I can't believe
Sep 16, 2005
never been this far away from home
I've just been asked out on a date.
Massive bellyflops.
Stressed
May 22, 2005
At the end of last year I found out that my older brother was having an affair with my best friend. They were both in long term relationships, his has since broken down, partly because of the affair. My friend is still in a relationship with her boyfriend, they have a child together and she is pregnant again.
When I first found out about what was going on, my brother and his girlfriend were both living at home with me and our parents. I also work with my best friends, boyfriends relative. It has made me feel so stressed out and anxious, having to think about everything I say and make sure I don't slip up. The relative of my friends boyfriend - who I work with, is a good friend of mine and she often asks me how my friend and he are getting on, whether I think they will stay together etc. Before my brother and his girlfriend broke up, my parents would often ask me what I thought was going wrong between them and I'd have to lie to them to cover up what I knew was really happening.
When my best friend found out that she was pregnant, she told me that she is unsure as to whether it is my brothers or her boyfriends. My best friends boyfriend is sticking with her. He knows she has had an affair but thinks she has put a stop to it. He has said that if it ends up being his baby he will stay. If it isn't then he doesn't want anything to do with it and will leave her.
My brother has told me that if it is his baby, he doesn't want anything to do with it. Even though he has said this, he continues to see my friend.
I feel like I can't talk to anyone, I can't speak to my parents about it, I can't speak about it with my friend at work, I can't speak about it with my friend obviously as she seems to be obsessed by my brother and is blinded by it. When I talk to my brother about it, he just seems to shrug it off and says that she is obssessed.
Whenever I give advice to either of them, it's just ignored and they carry on. I find myself hating both of them. Whenever I see my friend she always asks me waht my brother has been doing, whether he's talked to his ex etc.I know I have no control over what they do but I get so wound up about it.
The past few weeks have been a bit quiet, what with some of the people involved going on holidays and the like. So I've not felt as stressed out and uneasy. But last night I heard my friend come into the house with my brother. I've heard this happen plenty of times before and is usually followed the next morning by a frantic phone call from the room next door, my friend asking me to help smuggle her out of the house without my parents seeing.
This morning it proved impossible for that to happen. Broter went to work early, my mom went into brothers bedroom and saw her there. Friend left and I was asked millions of questions about what was going on between them. It's not up to me to tell them anything so I avoided most of the questions.
I just wanted to get a bit of a rant out of my system. Sorry. You may now continue normal business (badgers, nontables, ferrets without an agenda etc)
"Smile, you're in Spain"
Apr 17, 2005
Is not one of the most reassuring sentences you could wake up to after a drunk night out.
Brain: 
Panic immediately sets in. We did seem to be in the taxi for a very long time. Perhaps it took us to the airport Surely the airport officials wouldn't let fish fly?
Brain: Stop. Think back.
I took my credit card so I did have enough money for the flight. Maybe I should do as the voice says, smile. Well, I didn't think I was going to get away on holiday again this year. I've got plenty of holiday days going spare at work and I could do with the break after all.
Brain: Stop. Survey the surroundings.
Ok, this is it. *Opens eyes*
Gah!!! Sunlight! Shut eyes! Shut eyes! Eyes! Eyes!
Brain: Sorry, that wasn't planned out very well. Stop clawing your eyeballs out and use other senses.
*Sniff* Bit smoky, but I think I remember smoking quite a bit more than I usually do when I go out.
*Feel* Spongy, soft. Hammock maybe? No, too steady. No sand anywhere though. Hang on, what's that? Grit off bottom of shoes probably.
*Listen* Someones talking. Is that Spanish? I think it's some form of English. Hang on, no, it's....it's...a political debate!
Brain: Apologies for the last mishap, but your eyes should have become accustomed to the light now.
*Open eyes*
My bedroom
*Turns jabbering political talk off with remote control*
Brain: Relax, it was just an advert. Do something about your breath. Find chewing gum.
*Bag search ensues*
*Opens bag* What's this? Half a bottle of Jack Daniels is in my bag...I don't even like JD.
I must have stolen it from that scissor wielding girls house.
Gooodbyyyeee, gooodbyeeee, i'm leaving youuu goodbbbyyyeee, fa da da da fa fa da da da!
Jul 22, 2004
I'm goin to Skegvegas Fri mornin, comin back monday, so keep the blog to a minimum please!
I am pants...
Jul 15, 2004
I just had this old bloke on the phone I wrote to him for some information to fill in this form he'd sent us.
Anyway, he started shouting down the phone that it had nothing to do do with me, none of mine or the companys business. Then started shouting that he'd explained everything in this letter he'd sent, which i'd not received blah blah
And i had no idea what to do
So after i finally fobbed him off onto someone else i sat trying to stop my bottom lip quivering
I should assert myself more
I've made a couple of changes to my PS...
Mar 21, 2004
Just a couple of minor things
HHH
Mar 18, 2004
Guess what I've gone and done...I've been opening a Hitchhikers Hotel, which i couldn't have done without Methos!
We were just talking about our researcher neighbours and both thought it would be a good idea to do something like a hotel for researchers to stay in...
So i hope to see a few familiar faces over at A2411191
This thread is not here...
Feb 29, 2004
seee...nothing here...
Warning! This is not a salad! Warning! This is not a salad!
Jan 31, 2004
It is a single tomato on its own, known as a fruit and not a vegetable!
Waning! This is not a table! Warning!
A vegetable has nothing to do with the placement of drinks and coasters! Their are no beverages here!
Warning! This is not a distress signal! Warning!
Do not panic! Go back to sleep! this is not a distress signal!
Warning! This is not a warning! Warning!
There is no ironing here!
Bye bye Fiesta
Jan 26, 2004
My little car went for its test this morning and failed 
He needs all the underneath welding and front tyres changing, he was a little one, but he appears to be knackered! It'll cost me about £200-250 to fix him up, he only cost me £100!! poor lad!
I've been to ee the Izzard, the wonderful Izzard of....where's he from?
Dec 11, 2003
I saw the concert last night
twas marvelous....
I got there, bought a thingy...you know the ook, the thing tour programme!!! thats the words! i found them , the cat had laid on them, but shes moved so i found them 
OK, He came on stage, wearing leather skirt, knee high boots, bustier thing, and long navy coat. He had this big ggggggg screen behind him, so that all the poor people at the back could see, but i didn't think he looked nice on the screen, looked sexy on stage, but not on screen for some reason
and he talked about guide dogs, being a failed one. Fire engines who have a cat of bags on top and they throw one over the side every so often to get that "mmmeeeeeeoooww" sound. and that fire stations have poles so that horses couldn't climb up to the second level....
hat else? oh yeah! Mars. "it was like a dot in the sky, but if you got on top of your roof, with a telescope and a frog on the telescope with its tongue stickin out and a fly on the tongue, then you could almost see mars". he said "i want to know when mars is at the window!"
"mmmmmmmvvvvvvvvvrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmm like when a spaceshiop goes past, that type of noise"
flies! lots about flies
"i had a lambougini....in my mind!!!"
and my brains's stopped working, but it was a brilliant night! 
It's here! The question you've all been waiting so eagerly for!
Nov 29, 2003
In which year did I do something or something of the sort? Was it...
A) This
B) That
C) The other
Winners will have a wonderfully warm feeling in their belly when they realises that they are about to throw up 
Tables
Nov 16, 2003
Why do we have coffee tables, but no tea tables? isn't this some kind of prejudice against different types of tables?
Why do table makers and names automatically assume that i will only be using my table for beverages?
More often than not, i will place a glass of sprite on my table, or a glass of milk for that matter....
In fact, i have never had a drink of coffee in my own house, but still we call our table the "coffee table"...
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