 | | | Subject: A Devilish UG Gem Polisher calling in
Posted Jul 1, 2009 by aka Bel
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1
 | | Hello Danny, I've prepared your excellent story for its spot on the FP.
There were just very few typos I corrected, but I have a couple of questions (or three):
1) The title. Correct spelling would be Devilish (one l). Do you want to keep your spelling?
2) This sentence:
>>Or, in plain English, he was hit on the back of the head until he was killed.<<
To me, it implies that he was first hit and then killed. Do you think plain English would be 'hit until he was dead'? I know the result is the same, but (at least to me) the implication is different. It may be only me, though. Let me know what you think.
3) >>>"I hope you're going to include me in these memoirs," asked Mackrell as they walked down the corridor<<
It's not really a question, should it maybe either have a question mark, or possibly be: 'said' instead of 'asked'?
I've haven't altered any of the above (except for the title, but I can easily change that back), your call.
Your story is here:
A53919606
Bel
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| | | Subject: A Devilish UG Gem Polisher calling in
Posted Jul 2, 2009 by Danny B
This is a reply to this Posting
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3
 | | Arg - sorry Bel! I read this then forgot about it... 
Let's see...
Point 1)
Change of title is fine (and thanks for pointing that out  )
Point 2)
Hmm... I know what you mean, but 'dead' doesn't have a double letter! It's a little bit awkward ('dead' would be more normal), but I'd rather keep it 
Point 3)
Changing the comma after 'memoirs' into a question mark should fix it, I think.
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| | | Subject: A Devilish UG Gem Polisher calling in
Posted Jul 3, 2009 by Danny B
This is a reply to this Posting
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9
| | It's all to do with motivation. I used to write a lot, but having been a full-time (medical) writer for the last 9 years, the desire to spend my spare time writing as well just isn't there. I entered the Stretcher to see if it would help to motivate me, and I'll see the competition through to its end, but I still have no particular impetus or inspiration to write anything else.
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