 | | | Subject: A87753090 - The Antipodean
Posted Apr 12, 2012 by minorvogonpoet
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3
  | | I like this. 
George resembles a man I met through the local Wildlife Trust.
For Rosemary, I think you've got the mixture of nervousness and curiosity right. But we don't know she's a woman straight away. Maybe you need to give her a few feminine touches: a necklace, or long hair, or a skirt, or bright red slippers, or lipstick. I know it's difficult if you're writing in first person, but you may be able to sneak something in.
Is Robert Italian? If so, why not Roberto?
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| | | Subject: A87753090 - The Antipodean
Posted Apr 12, 2012 by Pheroneous II
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9
| | Thanks all.
I intend Rosemary to be a tough independent woman, but very bored and a bit fed up being stuck alone in the house. I don't think she would wear a sweat-shirt, stained or otherwise. I think that soon she might put a bit of lippy on soon after the arrival of the attractive man. I will have a word with her. Don't more women than men smoke these days? I like my characters to smoke mainly as a sign of contrariness but also because I did, a long time ago, don't now, and sometimes wish I did, for much the same reason. Well spotted MVG, Robert(o) started out as Italian then changed to a slightly pretentious, though basically sound, Cornish inn-keeper, probably serving rather bad food with a very elaborate menu at his not very busy pub.
P
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| | | Subject: A87753090 - The Antipodean
Posted Apr 12, 2012 by minorvogonpoet
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10
| | No, chain smoking's not 'feminine', but I'm sure there are women who do it.
That's what makes character building so interesting and so difficult. In this story, Pheroneous wants a character who is recognisably a woman, but not a stereotype. So, she's not wearing stiletto heeled shoes because she's been stuck at home for days. She's probably wearing an old sweatshirt and trousers. When this bloke turns up on her doorstep, she's surprised and alarmed, but she notices that he's something of a hunk.
All right, perhaps I'm just being very girly.  
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| | | Subject: A87753090 - The Antipodean
Posted Apr 18, 2012 by Pheroneous II
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13
| | Do with it as you will, D. There are a couple of sentences which I intended to be in Italics "Why wouldn't Robert have called?" and "I was not afraid, this was my house....", but as I wrote in plain text, I can't do it, perhaps you can.
To answer MVG's point, right at the beginning, he says "Are you Rosemary?" and she answers in the affirmative. Rosemary is often a girl's name! She's just not girly!!
Thanks everyone for all your notes.
P
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